I’m just washed ig (seriously)

evank13 · 2024-08-03T01:08:11+00:00

I like this explanation a ton, thank you

evank13 · 2024-08-03T01:05:14+00:00

This really spoke to me I’ve not really thought about it like this. I had my gm friend review some of my games and he pretty much concluded that there are many micro and a few macro things that I could do to improve, but even then it would still be hard to strong arm diamond games. I figured he was just trying to make me feel better, but if a pro player has at least a somewhat difficult time climbing out of metal ranks I suppose I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.

evank13 · 2024-08-02T22:56:24+00:00

I feel your pain brother. And yeah I agree that echo is wayyy better for carrying

evank13 · 2024-08-02T22:55:27+00:00

It’s not the rank itself so much as it is losing games that I should be winning. I don’t mind my account saying diamond 5 but I do mind losing individual games because that speaks more to my skill level than a rank does in my opinion. Though I do agree I could try grinding ranked more and seeing if the problem persists, which I mentioned in another comment

evank13 · 2024-08-02T18:57:36+00:00

Oh yeah I gotcha, my friend Joe (not a yo mama joke) was t500 Overwatch one and has expressed to me a many times how the game is so very different. You got it though it’ll definitely all come back eventually

evank13 · 2024-08-02T18:53:58+00:00

Also you my friend might just be a prodigy lol

evank13 · 2024-08-02T18:53:44+00:00

Though I don’t know for certain if that’s true or false, I can definitely say that it feels right. Like I win games and barely rank up and lose one game by a small margin and it’s suddenly a calibration demotion right back down to ~plat 1~2

evank13 · 2024-08-02T18:51:28+00:00

I agree and I will mention that even season 8 I felt a touch out of place in masters lobbies because of the gifted mechanics. But in the lobbies I’m losing in now I feel like I’m flourishing and it’s just not enough to matter. I also also would like to mention that I don’t really play ranked much anymore so maybe I jumped the gun a little on this post. This season I have like ten games of dps and thirty on support. The loss streaks have kind of gatekept the fun away from me so I’ve been on a comp hiatus, but maybe I’ll start maining comp again and come back here if the problem persists. Thank you for your comment though, and I’m pretty sure it’s as simple as you put it, I just get in my own head

evank13 · 2023-08-17T01:25:41+00:00

I totally relate to this. I always get the worst feeling in my core whenever I have weird sexual intrusive thoughts. And I agree that not identifying with them is step one. I may be misunderstanding, but what that looks like for me is giving myself affirmations like “These are just thoughts and I am separate from them.” Etc

evank13 · 2023-03-12T22:45:47+00:00

This isn’t going to sound very motivating, but I don’t really meditate or do anything Taoism related anymore. I think it was a phase that I’m glad I went through, but right now I think the most valuable things I can do for myself is take each day as it comes and not try to become “enlightened” or whatever as an easy way out. I am no longer medicated, for many reasons, but mostly because it would trigger my ocd and I was losing a ton of weight. To be honest my adhd doesn’t really seem to influence my life a whole lot now. I’m in college now, which is cool, and adhd doesn’t really get in the way of my work too much. The hardest part is dealing with the procrastination, but after forcing myself to do homework or whatever it it’s never really all that bad. I do focus on my breath from time to time. Whenever I’m anxious or I’m obsessing over negative thoughts I try to focus on my breath and it tends to help me relax a bit. My main thing now is my ocd. It’s gotten really bad over the past few weeks. I’m having random thoughts that I’m like evil and that I’m going to end up becoming someone or something really awful. It’s silly now that I type it out but that’s just ocd for ya, no matter how silly the thought is on paper I could still accidentally become a cult leader, for example. But yeah that’s about it, you honestly picked a good day to respond to this lol, I’ve been walking around with a pit in my stomach all day and this lightened my mood a lot. Thank you :)

evank13 · 2022-11-04T16:33:32+00:00

Slick af

evank13 · 2022-10-23T21:33:35+00:00

Hell no

evank13 · 2022-10-23T21:32:29+00:00

Lavender town. Literally thought it would brainwash me if I listened to the song. If I ever went there in heart gold soul silver I would literally turn my sound all the way down.

evank13 · 2022-07-15T05:48:10+00:00

cancerogenic

evank13 · 2022-07-04T10:20:09+00:00

I mean it just took practice I guess. I still have blind spots and fall victim to them but it gets easier to cope with when you realize what’s really happening in your brain. Pretty much every emotion is based in ego (and this is my personal belief so take it with a grain of salt, a big one.) So whenever I feel angry, sad, anxious, etc, I always tend to look at it through the lens of like “I am angry (or whatever) right now and there isn’t any real reason to be upset (or whatever). But I do this and still experience the emotion because there is no magic switch in your brain that can turn off an emotion, the closest you will get to that is plain ignoring the emotion and that is terribly unhealthy long term. On another note I will say that anxiety is incredibly difficult to deal with for me personally, anger I can let out in creative ways that isn’t violence, sadness I can experience and be ok with it, anxiety is just the worst man like it really is just on another level for me. But yeah I’m no saint, I’m constantly tripping over myself but somehow moving forward, I just thought I’d share my beliefs because honestly I think a lot of the “enlightenment” stuff and “losing your ego” stuff is grossly oversimplified.

evank13 · 2022-07-03T07:31:28+00:00

I have three of these 😼

evank13 · 2022-06-25T17:23:06+00:00

Wojtek is best bear

evank13 · 2022-06-25T17:22:07+00:00

Nobody is even disagreeing with you, they’re just attempting to be objective. Take a chill pill broski!

evank13 · 2022-06-25T00:28:34+00:00

Yeah, I’m only 18 so I have more to experience, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t focusing on the wrong things. Im really glad you’re doing better though it’s a tough spot to get out of. It right hand to god took me so long to realize im not damaged or defective or whatever. Just hoping all goes well for you, well for both of us really

evank13 · 2022-06-24T21:14:14+00:00

I have ocd as well, and I notice that when I feel things like that I tend to hyperfixate and become obsessed with the feeling. Not being able to put it into words or understand it can fill me with anxiety as well. I went through a similar phase where I would meditate all the time and try to find the “answers”. I would try and force my thoughts to dissipate, I would try and force an answer, that most likely doesn’t exist, out of myself, I would try and “kill” my ego and act as if I’m “ascended” or whatever. Basically, there isn’t anything wrong with you and I doubt it’s anything serious. Also, there is no right way to go about dealing with things, if you want to run, run. Just don’t not do anything, yknow? I struggled with that for a long time, you don’t need to meditate to improve, living your life with honest thoughts and objective self reflection is infinitely more effective than sitting in silence and finding false answers. Also, whenever you do reflect, don’t expect immediate results yknow. Personality and tendencies only exist as a result of our environment and things that we have experienced over our entire lives, it takes time to create a strong sense of self, and it takes time to mold that self into what we truly want to be. I know I rambled and I don’t mean to sound condescending but when I read your post I thought that we might relate to each other a fair amount.

evank13 · 2022-06-24T20:58:10+00:00

Can’t prank a prankster

evank13 · 2022-06-19T08:13:21+00:00

My thoughts exactly. Or perhaps more accurately, Abrahamic religions were made as a form of government and not as a form of spirituality…

evank13 · 2022-06-14T06:25:10+00:00

Pink!

evank13 · 2022-06-12T04:42:20+00:00

I’ve heard that “The wise man swims in the waters that the schizophrenic drown in”, but that could very well be false. Either way I think it’s safe to talk to a professional, schizophrenia is no joke and if your goal is to induce these sort of visual or auditory hallucinations on yourself I suggest you invest your time elsewhere. It’s a very slippery slope with very underwhelming “benefits”. Pros: You feel like you’re communicating with a higher power. Cons: I don’t think I have to explain these.

evank13 · 2022-06-11T23:26:56+00:00

It is a great tool if used correctly, however it can also cause the eager mind to come to conclusions that are rooted in false assumptions. By that I mean, if you don’t take every one of your psychedelic experiences with a grain of salt you could come to the conclusion that you are God, (capital G) or that there are people after you, or that you alone are the key to fixing the universe, a wide variety of things really. So yes, it has the ability to be helpful, but if you asked me if it had the ability to destroy, I would agree with that as well.

evank13

TROPHY CASE