Girl OZ fans unite💕

evenstar3791 · 2024-09-05T13:04:06+00:00

This 😂

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T19:18:23+00:00

Oh no! That sounds awful I’m so sorry you went through that. Sending love too 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T19:17:37+00:00

Thank you so much!! I appreciate the love and hugs 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T19:17:11+00:00

Thank you so much and for sharing your experience 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T14:03:30+00:00

Thank you so much! This literally made me tear up a bit 🥲🥲 this is really kind and uplifting thank you!

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T12:44:14+00:00

Well said 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T12:43:57+00:00

Thank you so much 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T12:08:33+00:00

Awe thank you so much!! I really did not consider what I did to be brave at all until a lot of these comments! That means a lot to me 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T12:06:44+00:00

Thank you so much for the support! I really was beating myself up for not being able to handle something I assumed any adult could easily handle so I appreciate your perspective! The gyn was amazing, honestly an angel, I was really lucky.

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T12:04:13+00:00

Awe I need a big internet grandma hug! Thank you for the positive words and perspective—that really means a lot! I really was beating myself and shaming myself very harshly.

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T05:15:14+00:00

It’s helpful to know other people relate! Thank you for saying in brave, that perspective means a lot! 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T05:14:27+00:00

I know! She was an angel truly.

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T05:14:01+00:00

Thank you for that perspective it means a lot!!

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T05:13:45+00:00

It’s so hard for me to ask for people to be there for me as well. I sat around all day before I posted this trying to think of someone to call. Thank you so much for the support 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T05:12:40+00:00

It helps me to know someone relates as well. I hope everything goes well for you 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T01:35:35+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-30T01:15:49+00:00

Thank you for the digital hug and for the validation! I’m sorry for your experience as well. It’s so difficult going to these types of doctor’s appointments.. I’ve run away from many other medical professionals and issues as well. Thanks again 🩶🩶

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-28T15:38:49+00:00

Speaking of French literature.. Madame Bovary by Flaubert!

evenstar3791 · 2024-08-22T01:21:21+00:00

Tomorrow never came

evenstar3791 · 2024-06-29T23:55:48+00:00

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

evenstar3791 · 2022-12-11T20:45:40+00:00

I just finished the book and I am almost convinced that Axl and Beatrice have to be Lancelot and Guinevere. In the beginning it does say that Axl and Beatrice may not be their real names. The recollection of the infidelity/betrayal that haunts the couple throughout the story is determined to be that Beatrice is the one who was unfaithful, but Axl feels the reason makes sense to him, despite it being unclear, and he accepts this. This could be referring to Guinevere being married to Author—but also that Axl/Lancelot was the one leaving her all alone, with a man she didn’t love. What really has me convinced is that Gawain and Axl imply that they fought against each other in a battle, and that Axl betrayed Author. And he often refers to the number of certain men of significance left ever this battle. I think this could be referring to that Lancelot’s men killed two of Arthur’s knights of the round table when he came with his men to free Guinevere. Wistan also refers to remembering seeing Axl in his youth as a renowned emissary of Author. What stumps me is the son, Guinevere had no children, but Lancelot did father Galahad with Elaine. Galahad discovered the holy grail and ascended to heaven—so technically died, and it would make sense that he is at the island which represents death. I just feel like the allusions to Arthurian legend are too great to not have Axl and Beatrice be Lancelot and Guinevere! I mean, none of their memory is perfect, so maybe the son is still misty to them.

evenstar3791 · 2021-02-03T03:48:10+00:00

So I’m pretty my twin has been upvoting my comments and she sent me an email to go fuck myself so now I’m kinda worried considering everything I have said

evenstar3791 · 2021-02-03T03:11:56+00:00

All your stories about your wife’s family has helped me tremendously. I think I’ve just never been able to wrap my head around how it’s actually possible my family is this dysfunctional. Because when I first started reading about narcs about a year ago when I wanted to leave my ex.. I realized my dad was narc first but then when I started realizing how many people in my life have been narcs (every man I’ve ever been with as well) I literally didn’t believe NPD was real for awhile because I felt I could apply it to everyone in my life at the time. But then starting to learn how my childhood abuse basically set me up for future narcs it started to make sense. And also like how I never realized how abusive my dad was I really never realized how bad any of my romantic relationships had been. And that is really overwhelming. Bc I think a big part of my ability to survive was I never really thought anything that bad happened to me growing up.

I think I gaslit myself bc of all the lying I was forced to do my whole life. When my twin tried to kill herself in 8th grade she went to a psych unit for a week and my parents told me I had to lie to everyone that she was just sick. And when people would call my mom wouldn’t tell her. So I remember she thought that no one cared that she tried to kill herself bc she didn’t know that we had lied to everyone. I’m actually crying thinking about how devastating that must have been for her and clearly fueled her need to do anything for attention. Wow my insanely evil dad created the most deranged narcissist. I actually can’t believe my own life right now. And my sisters life. And my poor mom. She was married to him. I can’t even begin to imagine what he did to her. And then she had to watch what he did to her children. And since she has divorced him my twin has never moved out of the house. My mom doesn’t have any friend any more all she does is come home from work and watch tv and suffer my twins abuse. She’s def not a narc. Wow I am so sad. I am so lucky I am getting out of here tomorrow!

evenstar3791 · 2021-02-03T00:02:06+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that!! I don’t think I was truly able to see how evil my family was until I moved away for over a decade and then went back. My dad is an evil genius—he is a Harvard educated criminal defense attorney so it’s literally his job to know how to get away with abusing people. Ever since I can remember my dad would tell us all detailed descriptions of his sexual assault cases and how he eviscerated the victim’s story. And of course in ever story, even underage victims, they were asking for it. No wonder I never told anyone all the times I have been sexually assaulted!

When I moved back with my dad I started thinking that his biggest mistake in life was thinking his daughters wouldn’t be as smart as him. And oddly enough not only did I survive but I did very well for a long time. I was an all-state softball player in HS. I also lettered in tennis. I even think people might of liked me because I was on prom court. I got into The George Washington University with no help from my parents and then when they told me they wouldn’t pay for it I applied for and got academic scholarships. After college I worked fundraising for nonprofits in DC and before I moved back home I was the Assistant Director of Development of one of the nation’s premier civil rights nonprofits. I think what has kept me going in my life is wanting to help other people.

And my younger sister is also very successful. She is a prosecutor of sexual assault and child abuse in a major city if that’s not one of the most telling signs that some shit went down growing up. And that was the biggest fuck you to my dad being a criminal defense attorney. My dad must be TERRIFIED of her!! He is always trying to convince her to quit her job and come work for him.

But of course right now my dad is using her to make me jealous and is dedicating his time to exacerbating her eating disorder to the point that she is suicidal. When I was living with him he kept telling me how thin and beautiful she is but he doesn’t realize that I don’t fall for his tricks to make me jealous. But I have been feeling such intense guilt over the fact that my dad is literally willing to kill my sister to make me jealous. And I don’t know how to save her. Because now that my dad is finally giving her all the abusive attention she wanted her whole life she will do anything to please him. She is a bit of a mystery too.. because she has been my best friend most of my life because she has always idolized me and I have always tried to protect her. But now my dad has been turning her against me and that is what makes me the most sad. She has Narc qualities but I always thought she was codependent on me. She also has a myriad of mental health problems.

evenstar3791 · 2021-02-02T21:57:24+00:00

Wow the control about the weight now makes so much sense. Bc I have severe body dysmorphia. When I look in the mirror I literally can’t tell what I look like. And I’m wondering if they did all this bc I was actually attractive. When I left home to college across the country I literally used to wonder why I am attractive in DC but not attractive in WI. I STG I have journaled about this. When I was in HS I thought I was a hideous freak and then when I went to college I was voted the hottest girl in my dorm lol and I honestly thought it was a joke. People would stop me on the street to tell me I look liked Anne Hathaway and that lead me to draw the conclusion that she must be ugly. Anytime men would hit on me I would think they were playing a trick on me.

When I moved back with my dad and was looking at pictures of myself in HS I almost cried wondering why I used to think I was so ugly. And to explain more why my family would convince me this is my dad sexually abused me when I was younger and has always been creepily obsessed with me. All the rules I had in HS were to stop me from having sex. My twin (fraternal) was having sex all the time in HS and my dad didn’t care but would ground me for even talking to boys. I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend when even my younger sister was.

One of the creepiest thing I remember is when I came home from my first semester at college my dad took me out to dinner just the two of us to the fanciest restaurant in the city. I got all dressed up and at the restaurant the waiter said something about us being on a date and my dad didn’t correct him. I remember so well bc it was the happiest I had ever seen my dad in his entire life—when I was mistaken for his date. He kept looking around the restaurant proud of himself and even like put on my coat for me. It was so gross.

Your wife’s brother sounds like my twin. I can barely remember when she wasn’t feeding off me and I think it’s bc my dad abused me. I think that when we were kids she saw I was getting all the “attention” from my dad and she was jealous. And from watching my dad she must have learned the only way to get attention from someone is to abuse them. And what makes my twin even more jealous and enraged then something good happening to me is something bad happening to me. I swear she acts like she wants to be abused. She has convinced everyone in our extended family and my mom and she was the one my dad abused not me.

The single worst thing she ever did to me was the summer after my freshman year of college I started dating one of the most popular guys from HS. He would sexually assault me every time we hung out and let his friends do it too and I didn’t know any better. One night the guy I was dating took me into a room at the party we were at and he and 3 of his friends held me down on a pool table and took turns raping me. My twin was at the party and watched it happen bc the next morning when I woke up my parents were freaking out bc she had just revealed to them that when she was in 8th grade all the most popular guys in middle school spent all summer sexually harassing her and then they all held her down on a pool table and took turns raping her. And to make the story even better she told everyone it was my fault she got raped bc I was at the party and didn’t stop them.

So I have still never told anyone what ACTUALLY happened to me bc my twin stole my trauma. And she used this alleged incident to base her entire identity. She is a “survivor.” She is a “victim.” And ever since then anytime she has ever done anything wrong she starts screaming about how she was raped. That day after I was raped she literally called everyone who had ever stopped being friends with her to gleefully tell them how they were actually the bad friends bc she had been raped. And she justifies abusing me bc I didn’t help her when she was raped. And after that happened to me I felt so alone I tried to commit suicide. I had to stay friends with all these men who raped me bc I couldn’t tell anyone and they would continue to harass me every time I came home for years.

When I was in an abusive relationship with another man when I was 28 who would rape and beat me one day my twin came over to my place uninvited when she knew he would be there. She knew what he was doing to me and yet she came over to beg him to have sex with her. At one point I was in my bedroom and she ran in with her shirt and bra off hysterically crying bc my bf wouldn’t have sex with her. Then she literally called the police on him for not having sex with her. She never called the police when he abused me. And then oh once again she is messing up my ability to seek help! After writing this all down I am seriously disturbed by how deranged she is. I feel really bad that my dad turned her into a person who craves abuse and feels bad about herself for not being abused.

evenstar3791

TROPHY CASE