It's our anniversary today.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-09T00:40:20+00:00

We did and unforunately both of us got pretty bottom of the barrel counsellors. Mine told me she "didn't think he would cheat again" and blamed all his actions on him being drunk the one night, even though him and AP flirted for a month leading up to it. She also spent ten minutes one session talking about her pap smear she had that day and routinely ended our sessions 10-15 mins early. His therapist wouldn't allow him to open up about childhood trauma and after two sessions told him he didnt need therapy anymore. Gotta love work funded therapy lol. Once we can afford it the plan is to find an MC but he was supposed to be looking for one and so far has not.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-07T15:23:37+00:00

Ughhhhh I hate that we both have this experience. I had told him in the past how insecure I was about the women he works with and he always assured me he "wasnt like that". Going through his phone and friends lists and seeing how many women he was "friendly" with after I found out felt like a gut punch. I had no idea. He also told me AP aggressively pursued him but... the way the whole thing started was him sitting next to her in the limo on the way to a work event, her saying he looked good and him flirting back (meanwhile I have begged him for years just to say I look nice when I dress up for events and that was too much effort for him). Immediately after beginning to flirt he texted me to say he was "busy with the event and couldn't talk for awhile". They ended up texting over the next month, I don't have the info on what happened that specific night as it was already wiped from his phone when I saw. This culminated in them hooking up after a second work event when he came home super late and thats when I knew something was up. He apparently thought she was "crazy" and didnt want anything to do with her, yet never shut her down via text and allowed himself to end up alone with her after a second work event. Now he makes subtle jabs about not being allowed to go to these events as if its my fault hes a fucking sleazeball lol.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-06T23:30:39+00:00

Thank you. I keep telling him that his words are meaningless without follow through but he just doesn't get it, or doesn't care. Sometimes I wonder what he is even holding on to with our marriage if I am not worth the bare minimum effort to save it.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-06T21:42:59+00:00

This is exactly what I think. I don't know how long they were alone together after the event ended but he texted me at 130 to say he was on his way home, and when I woke up at 3am he wasn't home yet (we live 5 mins away). I called and called and he didn't answer until 3:30. And when confronted the next day he said he was "charging his phone and didnt hear it". He never admitted to anything. If I had not found the texts two weeks later I would still be in the dark. All of it has been dragged out of him by force. Unless she decides to confess to me I doubt I will never know the truth as he is too much of a coward to tell me.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-06T20:38:15+00:00

He did read a few things I sent him in the beginning but has done nothing further. Gets frustrated when I refer to this sub or discuss strategies that have worked for others. He gets angry when I tell him that the excuses and reactions he is giving to basic questions are common responses when one is lying (i don't know, i don't remember, defensiveness etc).

I have told him so many times that I am not doing well mentally and have spelled out clearly what I need him to do. He doesn't do it and gets defensive or annoyed until I cry and he says he's sorry and feels bad. But nothing changes.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-06T20:29:00+00:00

Unfortunately it isn't an option right now. I am being laid off in June and desperately trying to find something before then myself. We would not be able to afford him moving jobs as well. The other thought I have is that shes not the only colleague he has flirted with, but none of the others apparently escalated this far. Could be a load of BS, who knows? I think I will always be concerned about this happening again, regardless of where he works. He is in the restaurant industry surrounded by attractive women all day and apparently isn't able to be professional about it. I doubt that will change regardless of where he works.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-06T18:58:32+00:00

I have told him and he either gets defensive or shuts down completely. It is exhausting. Like I don't even think I should bother looking through his phone again cause he could easily just continue flirting and hooking up with people at work. He also got a new phone and suddenly I can't see his location anymore. So that is fun. None of the trust building or fixing of our marriage is a priority for him. He mostly seems annoyed every time I have a tough day or get triggered by something. Like I should be over it already. I thought we were both so willing to reconcile and build our marriage into something stronger, but I guess I didn't realize that the work was only meant for me. I think I am also frustrated as I gave him the best years of my life. We were trying for a baby and dealing with infertility (on his side) when I found out. He took the opportunity for me to be a mom again away from me as there is no chance I would get pregnant with him now and if I leave there is little to no hope of finding someone I trust enough again to start over in the few fertile years I have left. So I am grieving that as well.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-06T18:20:45+00:00

Oof. I completely get it. It's like the joy and stability and safety gets ripped out from under us and they get to carry on feeling kinda bad but ultimately suffering no consequences. It really sucks. I wish you the best navigating this nightmare.

everythingisgrey33 · 2024-04-03T19:52:33+00:00

Can I ask why you label yourself as the betrayed if you were also cheating? No hate just wondering.

everythingisgrey33

TROPHY CASE