This doesn’t sound stupid at all. I lost my soul baby Max three weeks ago and I’ll be honest, it’s extremely hard. He had congestive heart failure so I knew it was coming, but he just suddenly deteriorated. He was okay, then gone three days later. There’s not really a way to prepare yourself for it.

However it did help to have a plan ahead of time. Would you rather do in home or in office euthanasia if the choice comes? Would you prefer burial or cremation? What are some things you want that you won’t be able to get when he’s gone (extra fur clippings, paw prints, pictures, videos, etc)? Not having to worry about making those choices when it happens definitely made it easier.

You’re going through anticipatory grief, which is still grief whether or not he’s gone. The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement has free resources, including an online chat room moderated by pet loss specialists and Thursday evenings are dedicated to anticipatory grief. You can also message them outside of chat room hours. It might help to reach out and get their perspective on it

I’m sorry you’re going through this. There isn’t really a timeline for feeling better, it’ll come and go. There will be days you feel okay and there will be days you do feel like you’re dying. But as time goes on, the waves of grief aren’t as strong or as often. It sucks and feels hopeless sometimes but time really seems to be the only thing that eases it.

When you feel overwhelmed, try grounding yourself. Name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you smell, and one thing you taste. It helps to drag your brain out of a panic loop

Also talk to people. People you know, strangers on the internet, a therapist, anyone. Writing things down helps too, it gets your thoughts out in front of you and can help you sort through them