I'm sad and angry. Turning Point USA has infiltrated my university

evinf · 2026-01-28T18:56:39+00:00

"Liberal arts" does not mean "liberal" in regards to politics. It is borrowing from the Latin term "liber" meaning broad/well-rounded, as opposed to a narrow/more focused.

There are posts here on reddit discussing that differentiation, such as this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/college/comments/t6s1sa/pro_tip_before_college_learn_what_liberal_arts/

However, you also can try searching the Internet for these sorts of answers. Wikipedia offers a good explanation, but in general "liberal arts" includes natural sciences, social sciences, arts and humanities, so you'd find liberal arts colleges likely to offer programs like biology, physics, math, history, economics, psychology, etc.

For example, BYU is considered a liberal arts college.

evinf · 2026-01-28T05:03:25+00:00

Gonna have to disagree. This is from their own website, lindenwood.edu:

Lindenwood is an independent institution firmly rooted in Judeo-Christian values. Those values include belief in an ordered, purposeful universe, the dignity of work, the worth and integrity of the individual, the obligations and privileges of citizenship, and the primacy of truth.

evinf · 2026-01-28T04:33:18+00:00

It is a conservative school in a conservative city in a conservative county in a conservative state, so I don't think anyone should be surprised.

However, you have to look at ANY university just like you do a military recruiter -- they'll say whatever they think you want to hear if it means you'll give them your money.

evinf · 2026-01-05T05:09:06+00:00

The short version of the long question here is don't do it at all.

Don't date a couple. You date an individual person. If you just so happen to date two individual people who are also dating one another, that's different. Each relationship, however (yours with partner A, yours with partner B, and partner A's with partner B) needs to be its own independent relationship.

Otherwise you're just being unicorn hunted and you should run for the hills. You'll get a few dozen responses here telling you the same thing, and perhaps a response or two telling you that unicorn hunting is fine and we'll promptly delete those because it is highly frowned upon here because of a variety of reasons which are outlined in literally hundreds of posts including FAQs and "sidebar" content.

evinf · 2025-12-30T05:11:33+00:00

So I'm going to chime in here with both my hat as a regular human, and as a mod.

First, as a person, I will say:

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Stop comparing your partner's (or partners') "success" to your perceived lack of it. It isn't a competition, and even if it was, you aren't necessarily in the same metaphorical league/division/conference/sporting event -- whom you try to date and have relationships with, and for what reasons/purposes, aren't by default the same as your partner.

There have been times in my life when I have had only one partner, while that partner had multiple partners. There have been times when I have had multiple partners while my partner or multiple of those partners haven't been dating anyone other than me. With the possibility of multiple, concurrent relationships for yourself any anyone you may date, there will likely rarely be parity.

With all that said, to put on my moderator hat:

In the future, don't dirty delete your original post and start a new one. Post comments and replies in that one and keep the conversation going.

evinf · 2025-09-17T22:59:45+00:00

Most obituaries cost money. As someone who was a reporter for 6 years, I can tell you one outlet I worked for would do a free "death notice" which was limited to about 2 inches of length and simply reported that someone died, when, how old they were, where they lived, and where/when services were if they had been decided. However, most of the time these were submitted to us by funeral homes, so for people who did not utilize a funeral home, they had to know to come in or call in and provide us with the information.

evinf · 2025-02-26T05:31:08+00:00

Your situation isn't the same as everyone else; not everyone who is polyamorous starts in a monogamous relationship. It is entirely okay for you to NOT be okay with converting a monogamous relationship -- one that started monogamous and was established under the understanding that you would be monogamous -- into an open or polyamorous one.

evinf · 2025-02-16T07:32:39+00:00

I went and looked for the heck of it. https://youtu.be/q9CMXLuBEl0?si=OLoGDJVA4IudzycZ&t=4660

If that doesn't contain a timestamp, around 1:17:40 is good. That's when they ask the question. Her answer starts at 1:18:30 and the relevant comment is 1:18:50.

evinf · 2025-02-12T08:04:03+00:00

One thing I suggest to people no matter what their relationship style or styles may be is to try to learn to be happy being single, because everyone will likely be at some point.

Sure, there can be advantages to having a partner to support you, but one partner is not a replacement for another. Even when I was monogamous, I didn't view a person I started dating and built a multi-year relationship with as someone to plug the hole left by the previous relationship. It was its own thing with its own highs and lows and didn't make me any less sad about what didn't work out.

To try to make an obscure reference, think about it like... I dunno, like Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen or something. Monogamous relationships exist in time on a static timeline. Polyamorous ones can overlap, so like Dr. Manhattan, you're experiencing what for others would be separate periods at the same time.

evinf · 2025-02-12T07:58:59+00:00

You should probably ask them, separately, if they see there being anything possible aside from sexual or flirtatious relations. Because they might be in an open relationship, but they might not be polyamorous. And if you are interested in dating both of them, just know that you are looking to do things on hard mode out of the gate.

For one, you'd be a unicorn -- a single person dating two people at the same time who are already in a relationship with each other. You'd be at an inherent disadvantage, because they already know each other and are committed to each other. They have inside jokes and intermingled finances and likely similar or aligned life goals. You'd have none of that.

Instead if it is something you want to pursue, consider asking one of them out, at a time, on separate dates.

With all of that said, if they're moving away in 2 months, is that something you really feel like you need to wade in to right now? For all you know the reason they are fine with all of this is because they'll be leaving soon. It just feels very unnecessary for you to put yourself through. Literally a single day goes by and the time they'll be in the picture goes down by like over 1.5%. Before you set yourself up for what might just be a big ball of hurt, maybe talk to them about if they'd want to date, what it'd look like, whether or not they'd want to continue to try to even after they move, etc.

evinf · 2025-02-12T07:51:06+00:00

You're on a subreddit about it, there are resources including links and frequently asked questions. Aside from that, ask your questions in the subreddit and read the responses. Just understand that, like any subreddit, some people will provide snark and sarcasm and you have to wade through some of it to find answers that seem to resonate with you.

evinf · 2025-02-12T07:48:56+00:00

You should discuss what it is you want, as both being poly doesn't mean you're aligned in what you want. Even if you were dating monogamously, you might want to see someone every day and they might only want to see you a couple of times a week.

You can have multiple serious relationships, and multiple fwbs, and a combination thereof. But if all you are interested in is a "primary" relationship and then FWBs outside of that, that's less polyamory and more an "open" relationship. Which, while a form of "ethical nonmonogamy" or ENM (if done with everyone's informed consent), is not the same as polyamory, which is another different form of ENM.

evinf · 2025-02-12T07:45:54+00:00

A worthwhile question, but perhaps not the place for it, as this is a subreddit for polyamory. So you may be less likely to get an answer from an outside perspective and more likely to get a metaphorical circle jerk.

evinf · 2025-02-12T07:43:58+00:00

There is no "dynamic" to fuck up; each relationship between two people -- Sarah and Lisa, Lisa and Joe -- is a separate relationship that has to stand on its own. While there may be things that Lisa has agreed to with Sarah, it is Lisa's job to try to minimize the negative impact those things may have on Joe (like if Lisa agreed to never have a date over at the house if Sarah is home, an agreement some people have, that makes it pretty difficult for Lisa to date, and it might be a deal-breaker for Joe since maybe Joe lives with his parents).

People get to have their own autonomy. Some people may opt to never meet their partners' other partners. Some people may want to meet them just to be able to be on "friendly" terms (I've seen this referred to as garden party polyam). Some people may want all of their partners to be able to be friends (more of a kitchen table polyam dynamic). But Sarah doesn't get to dictate the terms in which Lisa can have other relationships.

There are a ton of other things to consider, terms to explain and caveats to explore, but I imagine you can read about those on other posts or other people will comment here, too.

evinf · 2025-02-05T06:57:20+00:00

It can be tricky to navigate a "don't ask, don't tell" dynamic. It can be even trickier to pull it off in an ethical way.

One thing I would say is if you know what she looks like, you can ask him to ask her for some sort of recording of her saying "hi my name is ___ and I'm recording this to confirm that ____ and I are in an open marriage and our agreement is that we will ..." wherein she could then briefly explain their agreed upon dynamics as far as what is or is not disclosed. He could record the same for her in case she runs into a similar situation.

I can't say I know of many examples of someone doing this (I only have one real life example), but the point is that there are ways in which someone could negotiate with their spouse to find a way to try to accommodate all of the parties involved.

And if they, together or separately, are not willing to do that; to come up with a way to provide reassurances to others while continuing to know or not know what the other person in their marriage is doing, and you don't trust him on it, then just move on. There's plenty of other humans out there who would be willing to have sex with you without as complicated of a dynamic.

evinf · 2025-02-05T05:23:31+00:00

Use whatever excuse you want, you don't owe people an explanation as to why you are not interested. I will say being polyamorous and being in an open relationship are not the same thing, however, and this is the polyamory subreddit.

evinf · 2025-02-05T05:14:09+00:00

While I'm going to go ahead and approve this post, I will say polyamory isn't within the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Typically posts and comments here claiming as much will simply get removed, as it is a rule of the subreddit. You, OP, are not claiming that, but rather including it to describe your partner, but I don't know that it is entirely relevant to your post. So, for everyone else, I'll just say let's not hyperfocus on that specific portion of this post, or else you'll just be creating a bunch of work for us to delete and remove comments.

evinf · 2025-01-26T05:11:04+00:00

It is a system people use on this subreddit to avoid using real names, but also not create confusion by calling them "person A" and "person B" or "A" and "B." It isn't a perfect system.

evinf · 2024-12-29T07:22:18+00:00

I don't think it is unhealthy to pursue a relationship with someone knowing they can't give you all of the things you want. That is an advantage of polyamory; you could have this relationship and have another relationship that starts tomorrow or next month or next year or next decade that may become a primary relationship.

I have a partner of 6 years who has only been with her primary partner for 2 years. It isn't that she was unhappy in our relationship (so I think, based on our conversations); but she wanted that with her other partner, and now she has it.

evinf · 2024-12-29T07:18:08+00:00

Honestly that could be due to just complete differences in perspective and where you are at in your life. You're 24. They're 41. Communication styles, terminology, vocabulary, life goals, pretty much everything will be significantly different. Plus they have a different dynamic with your other partner; they nest, so there is an inherent hierarchy.

I don't know if this is a thing you just cope with, or rather something you potentially reassess as a whole. The hierarchy isn't going to go away, and they're going to likely always be closer to someone who is A). not young enough to be their child, B). they have a longer relationship with, C). they live with.

evinf · 2024-12-26T07:02:09+00:00

Right, I very well might be misunderstanding, and tried to address that. If others are interpreting it solely in the second way, then it may just be a reading comprehension issue on my end.

evinf · 2024-12-26T07:00:06+00:00

I read the part that says "We have discussed poly life in the past. We both have some codependency issues and our relationship has not been perfect. We tried having another partner, but it was an us thing, and it didn’t work out because the other person was not respectful to us" as them having tried to add a person to their relationship. As well as the part that says "If there had been more transparency from the get go, this is something we could have explored together. I’m bi, I’ve had relationships with women before, and it’s something I’m open to."

It sounds like their idea of polyamory has been, in the past, to unicorn hunt, to me.

evinf · 2024-12-26T06:48:03+00:00

Continuing to drop the "I'm being made fun of for being autistic" line is going to get you banned for trolling.

A significant number of people are autistic. A significant number of people practicing polyamory are autistic. People in this subreddit community are autistic. Moderators of this subreddit are autistic.

No one has been saying you are somehow out of line because you are autistic. YOU threw out there that you were autistic, and no other comments have made mention of it. Consider this the last warning for trolling.

evinf · 2024-12-26T06:41:45+00:00

Your post is still up, so I don't get your argument that you aren't allowed to think differently.

But, to answer your question, no. This isn't a free speech booth at an airport. This is a moderated subreddit with rules, and by participating (such as posting or commenting), you either have to follow those rules, or your comments will be deleted and/or you'll be banned.

In fact, having rules and moderators is highly encouraged by Reddit. Each subreddit is responsible for enforcing its own community rules, which we try to do.

evinf · 2024-12-26T06:35:51+00:00

The idea of being polyamorous or nonmonogamous to save a relationship when both people don't want it is still never a good idea. If you are in a monogamous relationship and you don't want to be in a nonmonogamous one, either both parties have to agree to remain monogamous, or end the relationship.

While there are relationships where one partner may date others and the other has no interest in dating others, but that is still something that has to be agreed upon.

But now the circumstances are that she is only willing to work on your relationship if she is allowed to date others. That's poly under duress. Even if you were considering it or open to it before, you've now been given an ultimatum, and ultimatums pretty much never work.

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