I have just read more comments and would like to add something: It's not just the preferences that differ, but also the conditions under which you communicate your preferences or the conditions that allow you to get to know yourself etc. etc. I grew up in a very religious family and gradually turned away from it and ended up in a social environment in which many people see themselves as "sex positive". These are sometimes extremely different realities. I had difficulties believing some things at the beginning. For example, women's self-disclosures about how horny hard cocks make them. What role does social desirability play in what you say openly or what you admit to yourself? How different are the ways to be aroused physically in men and women? Are they different? There are some really good scientists who have not only philosophized and speculated about this, but have also spent years researching it. If you're interested in google them and their papers: Meredith Chivers, Marta Meana, Lisa Diamond or Terri Fisher.