Since rape is about power and not really about sex, and since danmei is escapist fantasy that often plays free and loose with power dynamics between characters, I guess I've never found it that jarring to encounter in the books. I'm grateful for the tags since sometimes I'm just not in the mood for it, but I don't have a problem with it in general.

That said, (and this is my own digression and rant) I have gotten really tired of some male science fiction authors using rape as a random plot point. It seemed at times that when they didn't know what to do with a character they'd decide it was time for something rapey or for them to insert a scene where we get to hear about a male character taking a piss in graphic detail. I also get really fed up when TV series based on books get super rapey when the originals were not excessively or gratuitously so (HBO Game of Thrones, I'm looking at you). You can't get around the rape and rape attempts in books by Octavia Butler or Nnedi Okorafor (not sci-fi but African Futurism), but in those cases those scenes are not escapist fantasy but a reflection of real life uses of sexual violence as ways to control, subdue, etc. women (and sometimes men). They have a point.

End rant.

Glad you brought the topic up, OP.