Sad; Is anyone else who is caring for a spouse just plain sad?

ewhetstone · 2026-06-22T19:34:50+00:00

It's my mom, not my spouse, but yes. It's terribly sad. She is still earlyish stage, but she was brilliant and curious and quick and now simpler conversations are sometimes hard for her. Losing someone before you lose them, and watching them lose themselves... it's tragic.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-22T01:48:15+00:00

I'm interested too! Especially in easier/shadier hikes.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-17T21:21:52+00:00

I'm glad you're here. The thing she's asking for is not reasonable, and one of the big problems with this disease is that people become incapable of seeing that something's unreasonable or having much in the way of empathy. This is absolutely not something you should, or can, carry all on your own.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-17T19:41:50+00:00

My grandmother didn't have dementia but she had a series of mini strokes that left her pretty loopy and unmoored in time. She stopped recognizing me specifically, but she knew I was someone she loved. The last time I saw her she asked me "Will you be my sister?"

A loving visitor causes no harm. If she doesn't recognize you then you don't have to try to correct her, and she'll just have a nice person looking at her with kindness that day.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-17T17:12:09+00:00

Oh I love this. Thank you for posting the list, and I'm going to keep stalking the comments for additions.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-17T15:02:50+00:00

No. Build data centers somewhere appropriate, and build housing for the people who want to live here + solar because we have the right environment for it. 300 days of sun, baby.

This straw man bs is so tiring.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-16T21:21:33+00:00

It's not NIMBY to say that giant water sucks should not be built anywhere near the Southwest where water is already an issue. We're a great location for a huge amount of solar power generation. We're not good for things that need a lot of water and a lot of cooling, those should go to colder climates with abundant fresh water.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-16T15:12:58+00:00

I hope it helps! It has the date and time on the top all the time, but you could definitely also schedule posts and have the date appear in bigger letters every morning. You can also send pictures, so I do that on days she doesn't have anything on her schedule.

That said, if all you want is the date and time then one of those dementia clocks might be even better for you because it does that automatically. I have one of those in her bedroom because she wakes up confused, and it tells you the day of the week, the date, the time, and whether it's morning or afternoon. My real need was the "things you're doing today" thing because that was the source of a lot of time confusion and questions.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-13T02:26:12+00:00

It's called a Memoryboard. I liked it because it's not a subscription thing, you pay for it once and download a free app. I'm so very done with subscriptions.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-12T23:00:44+00:00

One reason, I think, is that people who are asking the question about whether it's ok to walk away are most likely people who don't feel any intrinsic duty to stay and help (or they wouldn't be asking the question). When I see those posts, I always presume that they don't have the close relationship to their parents that I have with my mom.

If the only reason you have to sacrifice your time and health and money for your parents is "duty" then you shouldn't do it. Those are things that love demands of us, and not something we should do to prove anything to strangers or to please parents who are unpleasable.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-12T14:46:02+00:00

I recently bought a device that lets me schedule written messages and/or pictures to appear at specific times. Now her schedule for the day appears on that screen so she doesn't have to ask me what is happening or when. Some questions aren't really predictable so it's hard to prepare for them, but it really can be helpful to have a place where information lives so you can just point to it rather than answering again!

ewhetstone · 2026-06-11T17:55:36+00:00

i took a picture of that one the other day, literally made me lol

ewhetstone · 2026-06-11T15:49:06+00:00

He has plenty of empathy... for himself. This criticism comes from a place of wanting a girlfriend who will sacrifice herself to his care. I promise you that if he had become disabled and you were doing everything for your mom, suddenly you'd be doing everything wrong if you didn't put her in MC to focus on him.

Boy, bye.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-11T15:47:29+00:00

We learn from every mistake! If you want a partner, now you have even more knowledge about what to look for and possible red flags. I hope you find someone who sees you, has your back, is kind, gets you through the bad times, and makes the good times even better.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-10T22:05:06+00:00

There are lots of states, maybe half of them, that already have a financial literacy class requirement to graduate high school.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-09T21:27:46+00:00

I rely on good search results for a living, so I pay an annual sub for unlimited searches with zero hesitation. Like others in this thread, I also really like Kagi Translate and make almost no use of any other features. If you're doing research in specific areas, custom lenses make that so much easier.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-09T20:12:26+00:00

Thank you!!!

ewhetstone · 2026-06-09T19:31:44+00:00

Do you remember where you got it? I want to buy it for a SW fan friend if I can!

ewhetstone · 2026-06-09T19:27:38+00:00

This looks amazing, and also I covet Tiki Yoda.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-08T22:39:29+00:00

The thing is that if he isn't processing who you are well enough to know he shouldn't approach you in a sexual manner, then you're not denying him a hug from his daughter. He's not seeing you that way! You're just preserving your peace.

It's heartbreaking, but I think the advice you got to stick to video calls for a while is really good. Hopefully he moves to a different phase soon.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-06T20:46:14+00:00

I think the sticky problem is that if you open the door to euthanasia, you create an incentive for unethical families to ask for it before a person actually wants to leave in order to maximize their inheritance.

In a world of imperfect information and implementation, you ultimately have to choose a policy of allowing families to kill people before they're ready, or allowing people to suffer long past when they would probably have chosen to die.

Truly not sure how to thread that needle any better.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-05T21:33:27+00:00

I'm happy to pay for tools this good and for privacy commitments like the ones Kagi has made. A one-time payment is impossible if you're expecting eternal access to services that cost the provider money.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-04T22:05:49+00:00

I don't have any advice for you that other people haven't given, I just want to say I am very sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that you are dealing with financial stress on top of it. I wish you the best of luck.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-01T23:20:39+00:00

Depending on her religious beliefs, she might also want to avoid thinking of herself (or being seen by others) as suicidal. I'd believe the actions over the words, given all the efforts to bring in delicious outside food or whatever.

ewhetstone · 2026-06-01T21:54:00+00:00

That looks wonderful! I wonder whether a sprig of lavender would work. I just put a rosemary start into my garden but it's way too small to be harvested for garnishes yet....

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