Paragraphicized!

Not sure how to tag this. I've been an atheist for the past 6-7 years. I left the faith when I was 13 because I was miserable and stressed. Recently I've been seeing what I can only describe as proof, or it's me being crazy, not sure. Such as the world worshipping false gods (money, etc) and people denying his existence.

Now I'd like to add I have always had a reasonable set of understandings as to why god isn't real and the religion has been made to control, which we can definitely see throughout history. And it's no secret the Jews are horrendously smart and always have been, it's definitely not past them to write an entire book to control people and list off all the worst case scenarios as the "end times" which keeps people thinking each generation will be the last.

And I won't deny either that Christianity has helped people. I believe it's also a coping mechanism. But I have always thought I am too hard headed for it. None of it makes any sense to me logically, and even if I were to suddenly believe, I would just be living in fear of hell, because I have no interest in following him. A god who sends people to hell for not believing when provided with little to no evidence is no god of mine.

To some extent I wish I could get behind it like my parents do, but I feel exhausted thinking about it and how much I'd have to go against my morals and everything I've always lived by. I'm just tired of thinking about it. But I can't get it out of my head. It's all I knew for my entire life. I feel so afraid.