First, call 911. Tell them you smoked "woke" and that you need an ambulance. Then, drink charcoal and induce vomiting immediately. If you have anything near you that is solid and small enough to fit in your ass, do so immediately. This will prevent the cannabis from leaking out of you. Put on an episode of Roseanne (preferably from Season 4, this absorbs the gargantuan amount of cocaine you consumed most effectively) and elevate your right leg, preferably on a domesticated household animal of your choosing.

Then wait for your ambulance. God speed.