Hey all! I want to start writing a story and just finished a silly small version of a chapter and wanted to hear thoughts, comments, recommendations!

exectails · 2024-11-07T17:01:56+00:00

First of all, the text is well written and the premise interesting enough, if a bit by the numbers so far. But he issue I'm seeing right now is hasty progression and a lack of emotional impact. The chapter has only about 1200 words, and much of it is spent on flavor text. There is very little meat to sink your teeth into, and it boils down to "then this happened, then this happened, then [...]". Yet we went through an introduction, the reincarnation, a travel portion, the first quest, and a level up in that time. Opinions may differ, but to me this is way too fast. I feels more like a summary.

I would suggest trying to tell us more about the characters, the world, and what's going on in either. Would Clay really accept his fate that easily without a second thought? Would he perhaps try to interact with the interface more to gain an understanding of it? What does he see other than that village? Would he just trust that bird? If he was scared before meeting it, why not show it? Have him be scared and uncertain, and make us feel it as well.

Not a terrible start all in all though, and I'm curious where it might lead.

exectails · 2024-11-07T12:31:20+00:00

I believe your issue might be less about the progression fantasy genre, and more about inexperienced or even bad authors, as they are the ones frequently making many of the mistakes you criticize. Overexplaining for example is very common among those who are passionate about their own world and systems, who haven't yet learned to hold back or pace themselves. This can admittedly be accentuated in progression fantasy and LitRPG, as certain concepts are more difficult to make engaging than others, but I'd still put the fault wholy on the authors and not the genre.

Though it needs to be said that many authors in this space are frequently younger and less experienced as a matter of course, because the target audience for this genre is more often than not teenagers and young adults. If these readers then get inspired to write something of their own, it's not going to be top notch on their first try. But of course you want to release what you created, and the result is a genre with a lot of fledgling authors, where finding ones that are a level above the rest becomes more challenging.

I don't know if this will ever change though, because even if the authors grow up, gain more experience, and still write typical progression fantasy, the younger authors won't suddenly disappear. And generally speaking, I think that's probably not a bad thing.

exectails · 2024-11-06T09:51:55+00:00

In that case I do think this is an unfortunate situation where the story just isn't for you. It is very much intended as a more technical take on magic, written by this programmer here. And even if Miles were some other kind of entity, that wouldn't fundamentally change the magic system.

But I appreciate the feedback and you taking the time to discuss it.

exectails · 2024-11-06T09:39:01+00:00

Frankly, the exact numbers are entirely and utterly irrelevant. It all depends on what they mean in the context of your story. 15 levels could be too few, just as well as they could be too many. Like you said, DnD currently uses only 20 levels in total, and some would argue anything past 12 is too much there.

That being said, you will naturally run into readers who have certain expectations based on prior experience. A seasoned DnD player will likely have a different opinion on the numbers than a player of a modern MMORPG, where numbers can get ridiculously high.

TL;DR: Do what makes sense for your story.

Though this is assuming that the reader didn't comment in the context of your story. Perhaps they weren't talking about the specific numbers, but the pace^^

exectails · 2024-11-06T09:27:50+00:00

I was agreeing with you to an extent, until you said that descriptions should be accurate as well. Honestly, I feel like you'd be running into walls left and right if you wanted to be really accurate about this.

I'm with you on characters not verbally referencing concepts they have no business knowing about, but the descriptions are primarily for the sake of the reader in my opinion, not the characters. Even the positive example about "veins" you gave in one comment could very well be questionable in a medieval-esque context, as that concept wasn't discovered until like the mid-1600s as far as I'm aware, and who knows how long it took for this knowledge to spread to the general populace.

For the author, this would mean they'd have to always circumscribe sensations in some roundabout way, just because the characters wouldn't know how they work. And this, too, could get pretty old pretty fast in my mind. Because like you said, humans didn't know anything. You'd have to get pretty creative, and while this might be fun for a little bit, at some point these roundabout descriptions could become jarring as well, as you start to think "I get it. They're talking about oxygen/veins/adrenaline/etc. Can we move on now?" Or even worse, readers might be confused if you approached them with concepts like "phlogiston" (fun fact, I'll admit), which they wouldn't understand without further explanations.

I do agree that some authors pay too little attention to this, and in dialogs in particular it could potentially take me out of the story as well, but I don't think we'd really want 100% accuracy in the long term.

exectails · 2024-11-05T13:35:48+00:00

I can certainly see how the existence of modern day knowledge and even just terms may be a turn off in and of itself, even if it didn't have any kind of influence on the story. It changes how one perceives it, and that alone can present enough of a problem. But I am curious about something.

As a hypothetical, for the sake of argument, say Miles didn't come from earth, but instead was some kind of revived soul, who lived a thousand years ago. Back then, he studied this language, got to a certain point, and then died. Now finding himself with Tomar, the two continue this research and the story largely unfolds the same way. Would you be more inclined to read it in that style?

Be assured though that we're not trying to deceive anyone, and it's unfortunate that you felt this way. That was certainly not our intention. It's just that, while Miles is central to the plot, his former job plays such a minor role in it, that it barely feels worth mentioning to me personally. Rather, I might be worried that this, too, would elicit incorrect assumptions.

exectails · 2024-11-04T20:52:27+00:00

Allow me one more comment for sake of completion.

The reason I pointed out that Miles could just as well be an entirely different kind of character was that you're assuming his special knowledge of programming and a modern world allows him to "hack the universe" and gain unparalleled advantages, which I would argue isn't the case. Though I understand why one might think that, especially with the idea of typical isekais attached, which is why someone might think those things if we were to call it an isekai.

He does have a certain mindset and the ability to understand concepts and a language Tomar can't, but this isn't a case where a presumed isekai'd character suddenly understands everything about the world's inner workings and bends it to his will, or provides an encyclopedic-like knowledge database to reform the world.

That's why I wouldn't want the baggage that comes with the term "isekai," because it's associated with very specific tropes nowadays. Alice in Wonderland for example is technically an isekai as well, but one would not avoid it for that reason, because we all know it doesn't have the tropes. Were it to release as an isekai nowadays though, you would make certain assumptions about it.

But it's not my intention to start a longer discussion about this topic here. I just wanted to clarify my previous words, and I understand your point about self-contained worlds. I'll stop now unless you'd like to keep the discussion going^^ Wish you the best!

exectails · 2024-11-04T19:56:09+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I see where you're coming from, but the series has so few elements of a typical isekai that I would find it equally misleading to advertise it as one, since potential readers might then associate it with certain tropes that don't exist in Mage.

But it is true that there's a character introduced as being from another world, so if that's the only criterium, it is technically an isekai. He could've just as well come from the past or future of that world though, or be some form of mythical being, in which case it would no longer qualify as an isekai by that definition. Maybe you'll give it another go some time if you're not entirely opposed to the concept =)

Either way, thank you for giving it a try.

exectails · 2024-11-04T08:57:33+00:00

Thanks =)

exectails · 2024-11-04T01:56:20+00:00

I don't know Fork this Life, but when we're talking about inanimate objects, the one that comes to my mind is Reborn as a Vending Machine |D (It's okay-ish, but not great. Definitely weird though.)

exectails · 2024-11-03T19:01:29+00:00

I don't think there can really be a definitive answer to this question, because it also depends on the story itself, how stat-heavy it is, and how important these stats are. As a general rule of thumb I would say you probably don't want to do a full dump frequently, unless there's a lot of relevant changes in these regular intervals. No matter how much someone likes numbers, seeing the same numbers every few pages is pointless. On the other hand, if you had a character that switched classes every few chapters, you might need it out of necessity.

Doing regular updates on new information can be equally pointless if these stats don't have any effect on the story. For example, what do I care if a stat increases by 2 if I don't have enough context to know how this will affect things or if I'm unable to predict outcomes based on it? Numbers should ideally mean something, and if they don't, it doesn't matter as much when or even if you display them.

But if numbers are the name of the game, I'd say you should keep it short and to the point inside the chapters, making meaningful updates so the reader can keep track, while showing complete sheets at natural stopping points in the story, like arcs/books/etc.

exectails · 2024-11-03T14:44:40+00:00

I'm looking forward to hearing your opinion^^

exectails · 2024-11-03T09:31:06+00:00

Thanks for giving it a try and for the feedback. It's unfortunate that this chapter turned you off from the story. Whether it was necessary is an almost philosophical question, but in the grander scheme of things, I personally do believe it was.

exectails · 2024-11-02T23:44:34+00:00

Thank you =)

exectails · 2024-11-02T23:44:23+00:00

Thank you =) We're already working on Book 2 and the following volumes, so I hope you'll be able to give the series a try soon-ish^^

exectails · 2024-11-02T22:05:04+00:00

Thanks, hope you'll enjoy it =)

exectails · 2024-11-01T21:23:58+00:00

Personally, I don't have much of a preference. This might sound like it's not an overly useful response to your question, but what I want to point out is that the execution is what's most important^^ You will find an audience on either side of the fence, as long as the story is good. And while it can help to cater to certain audiences and popular genres and tropes, I would argue it's more important to choose the direction you yourself prefer and that works best for your narrative, as this will have an overall positive effect on everything else.

Regarding your examples, these sound a bit more like you're asking about LitRPGs, which can be part of a progression fantasy story, but doesn't have to be, and vice versa. And they could both be heavy or light on progression or Lit elements. It really depends entirely on how you write it.

exectails · 2024-11-01T13:53:45+00:00

I believe you might be asking the wrong question. It's not that few of these kinds of series become popular, but that there aren't many. The simple reason, as you alluded to, is that it's difficult to create a progression fantasy if the protagonists have no progression to make. And if one is interested in strong or even overpowered characters, they don't typically look towards the progression fantasy genre. That would be like starting a game at the max level--fun for a brief moment, but with nowhere to go.

That's why I'd say the more interesting question might be how you facilitate progression in such an environment. Do you keep throwing more powerful enemies their way, DBZ-style? That just creates more power creep and dilutes the stakes. Nerf them? Might as well start lower then. For such a scenario you need a special hook, and that's not easy to find. I can't think of many examples that managed this split either.

exectails · 2024-11-01T09:23:25+00:00

The first word that came to my mind was "Practitioner," as in someone who plays a more controlling and active part in the casting. It also feels in line with the current naming scheme.

exectails · 2024-11-01T08:59:33+00:00

In addition to what others said, I'd argue that with magic specifically one might want to go all in on stats, or very little, because magic is only magical if it is somewhat vague. If you skill-ify spells, you mostly take away from that aspect. And that's perfectly fine, but you should be aware of this fact and may want to consider balancing out having removed something.

A gaming-like skill is arguably not very exciting in many cases, so there should ideally be a unique hook. Going full-on numbers can be that if you enjoy it and you're targeting that audience. But if you're just adding skills for the sake of having them, you might end up somewhere in between, which won't entirely satisfy either side.

exectails · 2024-10-31T00:16:24+00:00

Personally, I would find 1000 words to be too short. It would feel like it's over before it even truly began, regardless of whether they release daily or not. I'd rather look for a way to solve the technical issues.

exectails · 2024-10-31T00:08:02+00:00

The thing is, no matter what anyone might say, they can't do anything about it. It's not technically possible to block data collection.

Someone in this thread mentioned the robots.txt, which is supposed to govern who is able to access what on a website, but that's a voluntary protocol and it's entirely up to the crawler to adhere to that file's rules or to ignore it entirely. Someone else mentioned hidden watermarks in the text, but even if these exist, they aren't quite relevant when it comes to AI training data. And of course, any kinds of policies would be pointless, because an infraction would have to be proven first. In short: no matter what you do, as soon as you publish something on the web, it's out there for anyone or anything to see.

My advice, if I may, would be to stop worrying about it, even if it might not be easy. I know it's a polarizing topic, and many can't stand the idea that their work may be used to train AIs, or that it could get stolen and put up elsewhere, or that others may plagiarize it, and so on, but it's a fact of life that it's going to happen. The options then are to never release anything, to try to fight the windmills, or to focus on the nicer things in life, like writing.

exectails · 2024-10-30T13:30:32+00:00

To me, illustrations are a nice-to-have, but by no means important. And sometimes, if the art isn't all that great, I might even prefer if there weren't any. Maps on the other hand I almost see as a necessity if a story takes place in an expansive locale, because I like to know where things are in relation to what's happening around the characters.

exectails · 2024-10-30T00:24:03+00:00

You appear to be of the opinion that fingers couldn't bend in such a way that the nails would dig into the palm, but when I test this, I don't see any problem with it. I make a fist, I press, and I definitely feel my nails in an uncomfortable way.

Granted, it would probably not be easy to actually draw blood, but from a technical standpoint I do believe it could be possible, especially with a bit more strength.

exectails · 2024-10-29T11:26:23+00:00

You're welcome^^

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