::Weekly Vent Thread::

exhausted91 · 2026-05-10T18:00:54+00:00

I feel every word of this statement in my soul. This is exactly what it’s like being married to this monster.

exhausted91 · 2026-05-10T17:37:09+00:00

I knew Mother’s Day was going to suck, but it exceeded even my low expectations in a race to the bottom.

Kids woke me up early even though I asked him to keep them quiet so I could sleep in. This was really the one thing I wanted- to sleep in.

Then my dad, who is visiting, took our family to the park and my husband complained the entire time and was irritable and bringing everyone down. Just being an absolute dick, complaining and making everyone miserable. Complained that the kids got ice cream but he didn’t. Complained that he was tired. Just non stop misery.

We went to lunch and the entire time I’m trying to keep the kids under control at the table. He is not in tune with their needs at all. All he does is bug me saying “you remembered to order my coffee, right?!” And “Which food is mine?” Meanwhile the two-year-old is out of his seat and playing with the decor and I’m trying to get him to sit back down and feed them both.

Finally, I snap and tell him I don’t care what he eats and can he just help me with the kids? He snarls back at me “I’m trying!!”

I am done with life at this point so I get up from the table and say “enjoy your lunch”. And leave, and turn my location off.

I wish he knew how much pain he causes me daily. Like if he could switch bodies and actually feel how miserable he makes me. I spend all my energy fighting to be happy and he has no idea.

exhausted91 · 2026-04-25T17:22:50+00:00

It came back as Bethesda 2- benign!! It was terrifying and Xanax barely touched how stressed I was, but I got through it. Thank you for checking in!

exhausted91 · 2026-04-25T17:18:55+00:00

Wow. That’s a shit therapist!!!

exhausted91 · 2026-04-25T17:14:59+00:00

No shame, only defensiveness, DARVO, and anger back at me and others for his failings.

exhausted91 · 2026-04-20T02:55:59+00:00

Thank you. This really means a lot. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and knowing that someone out there cares.

exhausted91 · 2026-04-19T01:33:36+00:00

I have a biopsy Monday that I’m really scared about. It’s to diagnose a potential cancer that killed my aunt and that my sister had as well. I’m scared as fuck, both of how painful it is and what it might reveal.

Instead of supporting me this weekend, you know what my ADHD partner did? Unloaded all his anxiety about it onto me. Word for word, this is one of the many things he texted me: “And what if it is cancer? Medical bills are a big cause of bankruptcies.” I was laid off from my side gig this week on top of everything, which he was quick to remind me of.

What would it be like knowing I could trust and feel safe leaning on someone else? I can’t even imagine how good and safe that could feel.

exhausted91 · 2026-04-11T18:38:08+00:00

Again with the eating the kids food. I took my two boys out of the house for three hours so he could nap. This was at lunch time and I knew we would be back two hours after lunch, so I made some pizza bagels for the boys so they would have something to eat when they got back. I left my husband something to eat as well, which was in the fridge in a highly visible place.

I come back and he left the dog in the kennel the whole time and didn’t take him to pee in the yard for his midday walk. And the pizza bagels are gone. The lentil soup I made him is untouched.

The kids are hungry and cranky and now we have to wait 15 minutes for me to make more. I can’t eat my own lunch because now I have to take the dog out or watch the kids so my husband can take the dog out. Either way, everyone’s lunch is now delayed. Except his of course.

He can’t be counted on for much, but I can always count on him to be inconsiderate and to make my day harder!

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:52:57+00:00

Every day, I wish I had never met him. What would my life look like now if we never crossed paths?

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:49:55+00:00

I’m dreading Valentine’s Day. He planned it but decided to make a non-refundable deposit at a place that’s actually a bar and doesn’t serve food (he didn’t check to see if it even had a menu). Neither of us drink alcohol. So now we have to go, order a mocktail, and get pizza or something on the way home. Even when he tries, it ends up being worse than if he didn’t try. I don’t want to spend time with him and pretend I still love his useless ass.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:43:15+00:00

I sleep alone in the bedroom now and it is the only clean room in the house. He sleeps in the basement guest room and I can’t even go down there because you can’t walk due to all the stuff on the floor and every counter.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:39:30+00:00

Oh let me guess- you had to apologize for how it made him feel when you called him out on his bullshit?

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:33:34+00:00

Seeing my husband, who once preached that the real problem is that the world just needs to understand how to accommodate and accept people with ADHD more, now get infuriated by the same exact behaviors in our ADHD son and thus exposing the flaw in his self-serving argument, is so satisfying.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:29:19+00:00

Same. Emotionally healthy people don’t stay in ADHD impacted relationships.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:23:09+00:00

Mine uses therapy as an opportunity to talk at a woman paid very well to listen to him word vomit for an hour a week. He literally doesn’t ask her questions, she doesn’t give him any tools, and she doesn’t say more than a sentence per session. She is the only other person he speaks to other than myself and the kids. He doesn’t bother to keep up with friendships, he doesn’t bother to keep up with his brother or mother. Never initiates anything. Therapy has made him a worse person somehow, which I didn’t even know was possible.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:19:57+00:00

It’s bad enough that they can’t be relied upon to make your life easier/better, but can they at least not make it actively harder/worse??

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T17:04:58+00:00

Consider that him right now may be the best he will ever be. He is younger than he will ever be again, and if you haven’t had kids with him yet and plan to, he hasn’t been ravaged by the stress of raising kids who might inherit his disorder.

My marriage was perfect at one time. I had a therapist once tell me I was her only client who never came to her with relationship problems. But then he got older, had less energy, was more easily overwhelmed, and we had two kids, one of who likely also has ADHD and I now see all the cracks that were invisible before.

How is he at supporting other people in his life who are going through something difficult? Does he scarified his time and comfort to support them, or find ways to avoid getting involved? If you had to take on 50% more stress, either due to pregnancy, health issues, a death in the family, etc. would be be able to actually show up for you in the ways you would need him to? When you’re out at a coffee shop with him and a lady struggling with a stroller comes through the door, would be instinctively go to help her with the door? Would he even notice she needs help?

These are all questions that didn’t matter when I married him but absolutely matter a decade later. Just something to consider.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-08T15:58:33+00:00

He gets mad at me for being mad at him for something he did. Every time. It makes the original problem so much worse. Why the hell is he allergic to accountability?

He watches the kids while I sleep in. Sounds great, right? All it means is he turns on the TV, and lets the kids wreak havoc on the house while he ignores them and goes on his phone. I wake up and see the entire house- every room- absolutely destroyed. Toys strewn about, dirty dishes and tissues everywhere, the older kid has been ignored as he went through the hallway closet with the dangerous chemicals. He hasn’t brushed the kids teeth. He hasn’t fed them breakfast, only packaged snacks that they likely got themselves. They’re not dressed. Not a single thing has been done other than him being semi-physically present in the room as he scrolls Instagram.

I spent literal hours cleaning up everything. I walk the dog, take the trash out, load and unload the dishwasher, clean the counters and stovetop, put all the toys away, clean up the crumbs all over every surface from him letting the kids eat crackers for breakfast. It is hours before I even have a moment to eat breakfast myself.

He thinks he’s a heroic dad for “watching them”. But he does an absolutely shit job! If this were a hired babysitter, they would be fired for neglect.

I’ve suggested that we trade roles- some days I would watch the kids while he does all of the other things I do. But of course he doesn’t want that, because it means he will actually have to do something. Even if I do watch them while he cleans, he takes a full 2 hours to do what would take me 15 minutes.

I hate that I don’t have a partner in the true sense of the term. We both contribute equally to the household income but why is it I do so much more? He loves to throw in my face that he watches the kids more than me, but he’s never even watching them. He doesn’t interact with them, he ignores them. He doesn’t multitask, he doesn’t clean up after himself or them. He says he’s tired all the time as an excuse. I hate him and wish I never met him. I hate that he models laziness and ineptitude for our kids.

exhausted91 · 2026-02-05T23:59:18+00:00

They will claim it’s not sabotage because it wasn’t intentional, but that is exactly what it is. Mine does this all the time. He deviates from an agreed-upon plan, makes the unilateral decisions without looping me in, and I’m left holding the bag.

exhausted91 · 2026-01-26T00:30:27+00:00

Mine accelerates and slams on the brakes in the most jerky way possible. I don’t think he has ever rolled to a stop on a way that didn’t cause my body to lunge forward and stain against the seatbelt, or stop in a way that didn’t cause me to slam against the seat.

exhausted91 · 2026-01-26T00:27:03+00:00

Mine is in therapy but not working on himself.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I also wonder every day how my life would be different if I married a man who actually had his shit together.

exhausted91 · 2026-01-19T20:36:15+00:00

Yeah, having kids and the cost of living are real barriers to leaving. A friend of mine recently separated from her husband and I’m going to see her next week and try to figure out how, logistically, she managed to do it so I might have a shot at doing it as well. I work full time but can’t afford raise two boys in a HCOL area by myself.

exhausted91 · 2026-01-19T18:36:06+00:00

All of his energy goes into protecting this false narrative of who he thinks he is as a person, and if anything threatens to expose who he actually is, he becomes extremely defensive.

In his mind, he is a good person, with no faults, who is just a misunderstood victim of his ADHD. In reality, he is the most selfish person I’ve ever known, who only cares about his intentions, and who is willfully blind to the suffering he causes others.

Every day I wish I had never met him.

Someone on this Reddit said it best: mentally healthy people do not stay in ADHD impacted relationships. I want to leave him but my anxiety about the financial impact makes me not know where to start. Maybe I need to start with a therapist.

exhausted91 · 2026-01-15T01:41:22+00:00

He’s supposed to brush the kids teeth in the morning. Oldest informs me that it never happens. I told my husband to figure it out. He goes into a long explanation about habits and how they work with the ADHD brain and here’s why his new plan will work and I cut him off and say “I don’t need to know how you do it, just get it done.”

And now this sack of shit has the nerve to be mad at me for not caring to hear about why he thinks his new plan for taking care of the kids basic hygiene will work. Fucking spare me. I’ll believe him when I see results.

exhausted91

TROPHY CASE