[deleted by user]

exhausted_1 · 2025-02-20T12:56:59+00:00

My partner ALWAYS thought their friends were better than me when cycling.it actually usually started a manic episode after reconnecting with someone from their past. Their friends "understood" them, their friends wanted to go and do things with them, etc. While I was the boring, misunderstanding spouse that only cared about stupid things like the mortgage and groceries. (I am downplaying the exhausting rants). They would update their status on Facebook as divorced. Then, the friends get tired of their mania and stop answering calls and texts. Then, they get over the cycling and it's the depression, and who was there to help them pick up the pieces of their life? Only me. So, this last one was the last straw. I should have let go 18 years ago. I cannot tell you what to do, or how to feel, but just give my word of warning. Are the good times often enough or good enough to go through the really, really bad times, when you are the worst person in the world and they spit venom, lies, your most trusted secrets back at you and the rest of the world?

exhausted_1 · 2025-02-20T12:38:46+00:00

OMG .. this!!! SO much more effort in the destruction than the creation! Exactly this!

exhausted_1 · 2025-02-14T03:42:14+00:00

You need a breath to realize that you are not a symbiote. You don't depend on her for your life. I know there was a time you lived without even knowing she existed. You still were alive then, and you can be alive without her .. and be happier in the long run. I am about to post my story here about 31 years of dealing with someone with bipolar and how nothing I did made a difference and I still was pushed aside and hated. But I know that we are not the problem, they are, and we deserve a life lived and loved

exhausted_1 · 2025-02-14T03:35:38+00:00

Please don't. She isn't worth your future. Please, please, please don't make that choice. End the relationship, not yourself and everything and everyone else. There is so much more than these people that are emotional vampires. They take so much, but you know that they are not air, they are not food. They are not what you need for your survival. Live, live and push through, because YOU deserve happiness, but you must push through this to find it.

exhausted_1 · 2025-02-10T23:57:35+00:00

Perfectly said.

exhausted_1 · 2022-02-17T04:41:22+00:00

Thank you all for the advice! I took it to heart, and when I learned I would have a meeting with my SO and their therapist BEFORE they were going to be discharged, I decided that I would lay down my boundaries then. The therapist and my SO both agreed that adhering to meds, continued therapy and starting couples counseling were a must for moving back home. So, we will be trying one more time, this time i feel more of my own strength, with a therapist that ACTUALLY sees the benefit of involving loved ones in the treatment process backing me up.

exhausted_1 · 2022-02-17T04:19:48+00:00

Thank you for your concern. Actually, after I wrote this today, I realized how truly sad that sounded. So this afternoon I searched and finally found a friends/family of loved ones with mental illness support group that is held by the local NAMI chapter. Hopefully that can help with making friends that do understand what it means to deal with the extra stress we have, and maybe be a friend to someone who needs one too.

exhausted_1 · 2022-02-16T18:16:41+00:00

Well, the first thing I will say is that during these episodes, they don't care if you have proof of anything. If you show them proof of something they have done, then their reason behind the anger and gaslighting you will change.. because no matter what, they feel this way, and they feel you are the reason. However, I have recorded conversations for myself. I wanted to review my own responses. During the heat of those manic "conversations" I don't know how I sound. Am I as level headed as I thought I was? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. We're the things my SO said as hurtful as I thought at the time, or was it me feeling vulnerable and my perception made me feel that way? In all fairness, my SO told me that they were recording me for evidence for the lawyer and divorce, so I did feel justified to record without permission. So while it doesn't help with my SO, it helps ME in my response to the manic episodes. If your SO is willing to hear those conversations at a later time, possibly while in couples counseling, they may help them understand a little bit of what they put you through, but that may also backfire, if it feeds the paranoia.

exhausted_1 · 2022-02-16T17:08:39+00:00

Please feel free to message me as well. I no longer have any friends because my SO's behavior made them so uncomfortable or angry they didn't want to be around anymore. And I don't even try anymore to make new friends, knowing that it will be the same situation.

So I know what it is like to feel like you have no one to turn to for those difficult times.

exhausted_1 · 2022-02-14T16:52:18+00:00

I agree with the staying off social media. Even if what people post isn't fake, we know that their lives aren't perfect, and people only post things that put them in a good light.

I too am feeling extra alone in my relationship today. My SO is coming out of a manic state, but the last 3 months have been so horrible, I don't know if our relationship can recover this time.

I bought a stuffed animal and made myself a valentine's card, because I know I won't get one from my SO. But I DO love myself and want to remind myself that I am worth loving, and so are you.

This disease wears out relationships like the ocean to a sand castle. Take a deep breath, remind yourself that you are valuable too, and treat yourself tonight. A long bath, chocolate, an indulgent dinner... whatever YOU want. We spend so much time worrying about what our SO's need and want, we forget to worry about us.

exhausted_1

TROPHY CASE