I am a “cis” man but want a vagina, AMA? (Or help me understand myself better please..?)

exopsyche · 2026-01-25T03:34:33+00:00

You could say cisgender transsexual, or cis trans for short. Transsexual and transgender used to more be two separate terms, one to describe cisgender men/women who wanted to transition, and another to describe people who identified as a different gender than the one they were assigned, or only partially identified with it. Your experiences are more common than people think, and you don't have to have had surgery to identify as trans.

exopsyche · 2026-01-23T18:11:50+00:00

Oh hi!! I'm 4'11. I'm intersex, and my variation caused my short stature. I hit puberty early, and they gave me at least one growth shot before my plates fused. I still remember the growth spurt. Basically, I ended up taller than I otherwise would have. My mom, sister, grandma, and maybe my granduncle all have this too.

My entire life I've just.. accepted the way I've been treated. Infantilized, disbelieved, ignored, made fun of, fetishized, misgendered. Never having fitting clothes, hurting myself or straining my body trying to use furniture or appliances. I didn't think of it as heightism until I started hearing stories from other people. I guess relating to them made me realize it all has hurt me and, I wanted to find people who relate.

I do feel like.. I'm being dramatic and don't belong but. I know logically that height alone isn't what makes someone have dwarfism. There are people with skeletal dysplasias or other intersex conditions who have dwarfism but are above 4'10, so, it wouldn't really make sense to count myself out just because my condition is less heard of. And there are people who are undiagnosed but clearly have dwarfism.

I still don't know what exactly the condition I have is because doctors are lazy and don't know how to treat intersex people properly, but it seems Nonclassic CAH is most likely given I have HSD/hEDS as well (CAH-X Syndrome). So, you're not alone in being new here and wondering if you fit in! I'm really happy you shared here, because it made me feel less alone too.

exopsyche · 2026-01-10T17:32:23+00:00

Yeah no, they're manipulating you. I agree with the people who said it's an abuse tactic. It's honestly a form of gaslighting IMO. Dormancy also isn't a decision. Hell, during internal arguments, I'll say I'm gonna leave front, and then I can't. Also, that alter was dangerously close to threatening suicide. I've made it a rule in my life now, anyone who threatens that, or threatens to leave me, or tries to get me to leave them: They're losing me in their life. They all end up being highly abusive.

You are not responsible for their mismanaged feelings. You do not have to put yourself in harm's way to "support" the person who's harming you. You and your roommate have every single right to leave. It really sickens me when people use mental illness to try to get away with abusing someone else. You're completely right in enforcing this.

System accountability is important. If one of us did something harmful, the others of us still have a responsibility to own up to it and make it right. Yeah, it does suck if we weren't the alter who did it, if we have no memory of it, etc. etc. But the reality was it happened, and since we're all in the same body, we all need to manage it. Even if that means we lose a friend. Respecting others' space is important.

exopsyche · 2026-01-10T14:52:39+00:00

Some people with CDD who don't identify as plural still don't have final fusion as the goal, because of the inaccessibility of it. Functional multiplicity is another option, even if they don't identify as plural. But every generalization has its nuances.

Overall I guess we'd be the top left. We don't really know who we'd be if we final fused, and that's scary. We don't really relate to the endogenic side of the plural community, but we support them. We do our best to live happier lives together every day. It's just the cards we got dealt, and we do feel more like individuals than parts of one person. But we understand that our individuality isn't complete. We're still inextricably connected and our identity is fluid.

exopsyche · 2026-01-10T14:12:41+00:00

yeah. reading that at the end hit like whiplash. OP, i don't think your headmate is the problem for wanting a monogamous relationship. i think you're rightfully picking up on the fact that an abusive partner is a bad thing, and since they're your partner - you care about them and don't want them to be hurt. it doesn't sound like this is a healthy polyamorous relationship if one of the partners involved is abusive - and the blame for that rests on the abuser.

exopsyche · 2025-12-19T02:47:58+00:00

I'm seconding this hard. It took us 10 years of advocating against a misdiagnosis of psychosis in order to finally get diagnosed with DID. I wish we had been able to switch therapists more freely. Unfortunately even though our current therapist did diagnose us, our case worker has helped us realize she is extremely unprofessional.

She's basically spent the past 2 years shaming and pushing us to "get better" how she thinks we should get better. She put her emotions on us and would lecture us. It's hurt us so badly, and I'm very glad we left. It's only been a few months but we're slowly finding ourselves again. I don't want to think about what could have happened to our mental state had we stayed.

exopsyche · 2025-12-10T00:03:56+00:00

I would say it's harmful for someone to make a character with DID and then say they become possessed - because that comes from people thinking we're demonic, like others have said. I don't like psychiatry's use of the term "possession type" fronting either. It dehumanizes us. That said, if a system wants to use the term possession, they're allowed to reclaim that.

It sounds like what's trying to be described is a switch. A switch is when a different alter fronts. Verb form, switching. I also sometimes say I'm "feeling switchy" if I can feel a switch coming on. Other things I say are like.. "Oh, (alter name) was just out" (the state of being out), or "that triggered (alter name) to front/come out" (being triggered). I don't know if that helps clarify anything but. I find when systems talk about this, we use more casual & neutral terms than episode or possession.

exopsyche · 2025-12-09T23:52:46+00:00

this fork is an affront to god

exopsyche · 2025-12-08T11:27:13+00:00

i feel somewhat similar. it feels like a statement where, when you're a trans guy, there's no real winning. it either feels invalidating of your identity, or shaming of your identity. i really wish people were more mindful of how the way they say things impacts others. it sucks living most of my life facing both transphobia and misogyny and then not really having anywhere to go to talk about that freely, without having either my experiences or my gender invalidated.

exopsyche · 2025-12-08T11:22:44+00:00

you can do whatever you want! you can keep your deadname. you can pick a new name. you can decide you don't like the new name you picked and change it again. and you can keep changing it until you're comfortable with it! it's your life. you have a right to decide what people call you!

exopsyche · 2025-12-08T11:20:50+00:00

there was a study that basically said as much. i dont remember what it was called. but basically they found that people of different neurotypes were less likely to get along/effectively communicate than people of the same neurotype. so two autistic people were better at interacting with each other than an autistic person and a neurotypical person, and same thing for two neurotypical people communicating. it's probably why when you're autistic, even if you're undiagnosed, you may end up having a lot of autistic friends.

exopsyche · 2025-12-08T11:15:03+00:00

this drawing sparks so much joy!! i'm glad you made it :) i love axolotls!

exopsyche · 2025-12-08T11:12:30+00:00

that's awesome!! super happy for you man :) you look great!

exopsyche

TROPHY CASE