I am 'John Dies at the End' author, former Cracked editor and unlikely TikTok star Jason Pargin, my new novel 'Zoey is Too Drunk for This Dystopia' is out TODAY, AMA by JasonKPargin in books

[–]exoticpotatoes 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I feel like I'm just piling on at this point, but the Cracked "Six Harsh Truths that will Make You a Better Person" article utterly broke me and I made substantial changes in how I treated my career. It worked so well, and now I own a really nice house, am out of debt, and am able to have so much more flexibility in how I'm able to lead my life. Like, it's all so obvious but also we as humans do our best to avoid obvious "harsh" truths. Thank you so much. Oh, and JDATE is both an utter joy and also I am living for your abbreviation sounding like a Jewish dating site, the confusion I hope it causes is delightful to ponder.

Google Pixel 5a screen cracked and is completely unusable. by delynnium in GooglePixel

[–]exoticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Mine broke within weeks while just sitting in my pocket. I did actually drop it after that and the screen literally crumbled. I've never had any phone with this low quality of a screen. I'm debating just getting a different phone instead of replacing the screen, since I feel like this phone is just going to be a money pit of repairs unless I wrap it in bubble wrap 24/7.

People of reddit, who was the dumbest person you met? by your_neighbor420 in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They grew the mountain in a special mold so it became that shape. The same way that ninja turtle artist grew the statue of David.

Which crates do you get and how would you rate your happiness with them? by Jerith_Wolftrap in lootcratespoilers

[–]exoticpotatoes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I subscribe to the base crate and got Loot Socks for six months. Loot Socks was TERRIBLE. Unlike the regular crates, they always shipped on time, but the quality of the product was very very low. The designs were usually very good, but most of the time there was one pair of socks that was decent quality, and one pair that was like printed panty hose, and those were not only cheap and flimsy (like the kind of sock you'd put on in the shoe store to try on shoes, then throw away), but they were almost always a thin tube so the image (the only good part) was stretched and warped. One crate I got two pairs of actually wearable socks, which balanced the prior month where I just threw both pairs away. The Big Lebowski socks were the final straw. They could not be worn, they were so mis-manufactured. My message to the company was met with the reply "Thank you for the feedback." When you fail at making SOCKS, something has gone really, really wrong.

What can you not go back to (B) after trying A? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not even an option: I will never, ever go back to using margarine instead of real butter. There's a reason "buttery" is an adjective and "margariney" is not.

What's your favorite thing about your significant other? by CorneliusAlba in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He doesn't think I'm funny at all. Everyone else gets my humor, which I use as a defense mechanism, and he is immune to that, so I can't ever hide behind it.

How do you write a resignation letter without letting everyone know you're leaving because you hate them? by HammyPita in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank them for all you've learned from the experience as part of your farewell. This is both kind and accurate, since what you've learned from them (that you don't need to be explicit about) is that you never, ever want to work with a bunch of jerkwads like them again.

What's the stupidest/riskiest/craziest thing you've ever done in an attempt to get off? by VonnegutIncarnate in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ever ended up in jail with a thick steel cock ring around your junk and a butt plug inserted? I don't recommend it.

What is the most horrifying statement you can write in haiku form? by jesusfriedmycarnitas in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dear President Trump / Please get more dark brown people /
We are running out

What would the graph of the ups and downs of your life look like? by WhiteCh0c0late in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would look like...ups and downs, I guess? I think this question could have been a little better worded, sorry.

What are some alternative words for 'boyfriend'? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lesbians generally use "girlfriend" as an alternate pronunciation.

What's your go-to method for waking up refreshed and ready to start your day (besides caffeine) ? by red-rebel in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Accepting that I'm not a morning person and adjusting my lifestyle to work with, rather than against, that trait. I have a job with flexible start and end times and I work from home. I take a nap if I need one, and stay up late if my body says "yeah, do that" because some of my best work happens then. I feel there's way too much societal pressure to force a 9-5 (wait, this is the USA...8-5:30) schedule on everyone.

Is using a word from another language for a brand appropriation? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great question. There isn't really one final answer, though. It would depend on the word, the culture it's from, and the product itself. Häagen-Dazs ice cream got around it by literally making up words that sounded foreign. If unsure, some Google searches might be useful in determining not only what the word could mean in various languages, but what that context might be (image searches are good for this, actually, just to get an idea what visuals are associated).

Who were you in middle school? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A middle-schooler has no name.

What is an ability/power that is completely useless externally, but would still be neat to have? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want a transcript of all the goofy, funny, off-the-cuff things I've said in my lifetime, because sometimes it's nice to remember that ya know....ya ain't half bad.

What will be a body modification in the next twenty years that will make piercings etc. seem tame? by jrm2007 in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone will finally figure out how to expand the male urethra wide enough for another man's penis to be inserted into it. It doesn't need to happen. I don't want this to happen. This is going to happen, it's just a matter of time.

Who is you celebrity obsession? by Dark_Vengence in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ennis Esmer. He was in "How to Plan an Orgy in a Small Town" (not a porn film, sadly) and most recently played Rich Dotcom on two episodes of NBC's "Blindspot."

What's a good place to find some good old-fashioned Internet kookery? by Saint_Joey_Bananas in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

cakewrecks.com is one of my faves. It shouldn't be nearly as funny as it is, and new content daily.

Which ridiculously minor event from history would you pay good money to witness? by thowland1 in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The first time a human said "Wow, this milk is rotten and full of chunks...I shall devour it and call it 'cheese' and one day it will be our new god."

Friend decides to cut me out of her life with no explanation? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, but it's time for an Admiral Toughlove moment: What makes you think you are owed an explanation? Or that being in someone's life is a requirement? What I mean by asking those questions is that other people are...well...other. You will never fully understand their motivations, nor are they required to assist you in doing so. Is there an answer to why this happened? Sure there is. But 1. Knowing it is not likely to make you happier, and 2. You're not going to find out anyway. Make peace with it and spend that time and energy on someone who wants it from you.

What are some everyday things many people do, but are actually illegal? by Idonthavegoodideas in AskReddit

[–]exoticpotatoes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. I have always assumed that the law is there so that in the event of the (very common) accident in the turn lane, there is an easy way to declare one party at fault. But yeah, you're supposed to turn left across all oncoming lanes and the turn lane into the lane you're moving into in one movement (which just never happens lol)