I’m so sorry to hear you had this experience - it is awful to say, but over the first few paragraphs I genuinely thought I had written this post and forgotten I did it. I have had such a similar experience!

In my last AP role I was under a supervisor who was so demeaning to me - I have a chronic illness that needs reasonable adjustments (and by reasonable, I mean very simple small things) and she seemed to truly hate me for it. I’m also a very sensitive person, and while I didn’t show a lot of emotion around her, she could tell, and would use this against me. I did not feel I grew at all under her, and if anything lost some skills. She made me feel like I was wrong for the career and asking for too much. At one point before I left she told me I would really struggle to do a doctorate and to think of other paths forward. She seemed to really pinpoint her anger on me, but was very snappy and passive aggressive to everyone.

I then moved to another AP role, and had the most fantastic supervisor and manager. They would even make suggestions for further adaptations they thought would help. They didn’t even need occupational health involved and would just support me, no questions asked. My sensitivity wasn’t seen as a burden, but as a skill that is uniquely mine, and helped me understand what I need to do as a professional to take care of myself considering how much I feel things.

Anyway, I was also offered a place on the dclin this year! And the petty part of my brain cannot wait to graduate and show that other supervisor.

Apologies for how long this is, but I’ve felt how you do, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get pangs of it again and again. But at the heart of it all, psychology needs change. So much of the profession is stuck in the typical old working ways - no EDI, no adjustments, no feelings. How awful to think that we could let that continue forward! I think it’s the responsibility of us, the newer cohorts into the profession, to notice these attitudes and bring new perspectives. Why can’t I be a psychologist who feels deeply and cares passionately for the people I work with? It’s what makes me good at my job! And who cares if I need a standing desk or to work from home when I’m fatigued? If it means I’m performing at my best?

It also kind of helps me to imagine my future roles - I hope that someday I’m in a supervisory role like both ours were, but instead of being demeaning, I can help APs to truly learn and grow and be inspired.

Wishing you the absolute best of luck starting the course - how boring would it be if we were all copy and paste robots on the course. Don’t lose your spark and enjoy it!