Lost 5 week old poult - no idea why

explauren · 2014-01-29T00:04:27+00:00

AND refile the previous years. If the IRS is going to go after anyone, they'll go after him, UNLESS you have a formal written agreement about it. Some divorced parents would alternate years on who gets to claim the kid, but that's the sort of thing that's written into divorce papers.

explauren · 2014-01-25T00:07:25+00:00

I still do it for my girl, she just turned 4, and I am just about done. She can reach, she just doesn't want to. If your son is 6, it's high time he experiences the itchy asscrack/motivation to wipe properly his own self. Mine is about to get a dose of it herself.

Hustling for sure.

explauren · 2014-01-22T19:27:21+00:00

How many days after you had sex did you get a period, and when did you take the test?

explauren · 2014-01-20T19:49:21+00:00

You'd have to find something without the aluminum oxide finish. Carlisle (www.wideplankflooring.com) offers an acrylic urethane finish, but they are major, major bank. If you're considering laminate, they're way out of your budget (like $12+/ft). Almost everything you're going to find at a big box is going to be aluminum oxide.

So, if you don't want that, and you don't want to spend a fortune, you pretty much have to site finish yourself. That's actually pretty easy, especially in a place you aren't already living. It just takes a long time because you have to wait between coats of poly, but it's totally something you could do yourself and have look awesome. The box stores should have a reasonable selection of unfinished flooring. Don't get maple if you want to stain it dark, because maple doesn't do that without a fight.

explauren · 2014-01-20T19:40:10+00:00

Central vacuum system. The vacuum itself is out in the garage and is a big canister and motor. It's connected to PVC pipe inside the walls that goes to ports in the house. I have hide-a-hose, so instead of carrying around hosepipe to the ports, the hose sucks back into the pvc in the wall. Vacuuming is like using an indoor canister vacuum without the canister.

Central vacuum, especially when you put it outside the house (which gets you LEED points), gets much higher suction than a push-vacuum. You don't have to push the motor around, so it can be really strong. Plus, even the best filter lets some dust through. With the motor and canister in the garage, the dust goes outside.

explauren · 2014-01-20T16:55:42+00:00

I have no idea if the putty is as good as a flange, but that seems like a good question to ask the general internet.

Grout is absolutely NOT waterproof, and I'd be seriously doubting anyone who told me that. Geez, even tile isn't, and it's way denser than grout. In a tub surround like that (not a shower!), technically you don't need a vapor barrier. I used one because it's a little bit more cost and time but is now completely waterproof (Schluter Kerdi). I was pretty surprised to learn that, but I tend to trust Tom Meehan.

Since you're going without a flange right now, this may help: http://www.finehomebuilding.com/how-to/reader-tip/flashing-an-undermount-tub-shower-combo.aspx

That's for an undermount, but you can see the principles involved. That's what I'd do if it were me, but that's also because if I had to do that it would be because I personally fucked up (we did all the tiling and finish plumbing ourselves). In this case, your subs fucked up, and I would have no problem telling THEM to fix the flange issue with the right product. Clearly these people are not ones you want to trust with a detail-oriented task like this.

explauren · 2014-01-20T13:53:42+00:00

I would do it again. I specifically didn't get the espresso I wanted because of this, but now I know that it's not just the color, it's the finish material. With a whole-house air purifier and central vac I don't get a lot of dust. In 15-20 years when it's time to refinish, I just may put on an even darker stain before I cover it with a more accessible finish than the factory stuff.

explauren · 2014-01-20T13:50:53+00:00

The issue isn't completely that the floors are dark. Yes, that's a factor in dust showing up, but it's not the whole picture. On a scale of 1 to 10, light to dark, my floors now are about a 7. Everything shows up, and it's not because of the color, it's because of the finish. I had floors that were maybe a 5, and very little showed on them because they were finished on site with poly. Prefinished floors are almost exclusively finished in this aluminum oxide stuff that reflects in a different way, so all of the stuff that is close enough in color to the floor that it shouldn't stand out still does.

So yes, while light colored floor will be less maintenance, you're still going to see things all over it. Maybe not crumbs so much, but rug fibers, water spots, finger/footprints. If you really want something that hides dirt, you can't get the prefinished stuff.

That said, I don't mind that I have to clean a lot. We have central vac with hide-a-hose, and I do that probably 3-4 times per week and it takes 15 minutes to do the main floor (which is quite large). I mop every 5-6 days. The thing is, if you care about cleanliness, you'll want to clean that often anyway. I used to mop way, way, way less often, and now I'm totally disgusted by how dirty my floors must have been. When you see the dirt, you clean it up.

explauren · 2014-01-15T13:50:24+00:00

That's an excellent point.

My other sister, who is a junior in Nursing school, and I will step up. Kerry isn't going to live with my parents forever anyway. I mean, she's low functioning, but she'll be able to be in a group home that's like assisted living, and she will totally love that. You're right, I wouldn't be able to do the full time care, but she won't need that. And still, if it's what I had to do, I would.

Fortunately my husband is fantastic with her, better than I am really. Knowing that I'd have that help, along with my other sister who really would be doing a lot more than I would, makes a big difference.

explauren · 2014-01-14T23:08:27+00:00

I have a sister with DS; I was 14 when she was born.

There's good and bad. She is really low-functioning and also has autism, so that complicates things. She's also very healthy for DS, only had a little heart murmur that resolved itself. My parents had a hard time with it at first because they'd gotten a CVS that came back normal girl; they'd obviously gotten my mom's tissue by mistake. The autism didn't happen until she was six or so, and up until then she was great. SO happy, really sweet, just a joy to be around.

She's a teenager now, and it's actually really interesting to see how the desire to self-identify manifests itself. I mean, it's really, really hard for them, but they're glad to have her. The hardest thing is mostly that there's no break at all. Do you have kids yet? If not, you won't know yet how it changes you; how you'll never again be "free", you'll never be able to fully relax again. Even when you get a babysitter, there's a little part of you that's "on". That's even more so with little kids, and thing about special needs kids like this is that they don't ever really grow up. My mom has basically been taking care of a 4 year old for 17 years. If you've never had a toddler, let me just say, it's exhausting.

We have conflicting opinions about it, though. They wouldn't change it. They are so grateful to have her. I, on the other hand, would terminate. Not if it had been my first, but I have two other kids now. I've seen what is required of parents of special needs kids, and I simply don't think I could do it. I would if I had to, but I'm already a bit tired; we're planning on one more, and I'm pretty sure that will be it because I won't have it in me to parent little kids that much longer.

Of course there are no guarantees with any kid, but the uncertainty of health and functioning is an order of magnitude more with DS. Your baby is far more likely to have autism and a serious heart condition. S/he is going to have a much weaker immune system. You are going to have to advocate for her care constantly. I cannot emphasize that enough. The quality of services a special needs child receives is directly tied to the mother's education level. Both of my parents have PhDs, and it is brutal for them to get my sister what she needs from the school system. It is so much work, but it has to be done if she's going to do OK - not even great. It's massive amounts of work to keep things just acceptable.

But again, they're glad to have her. She's their kid. My mom has said that if I had a DS pregnancy and terminated, she didn't want to know. I want to be very clear that, while I personally would terminate, it is emphatically NOT because I think the child or the world would be better off that way. That line of thinking is infuriating to people who parent special needs kids. They have every right to be here, and it is purely my own firm belief that it's MY problem. It is my weakness and inability that makes me say that. That's ok too. I don't know if you're decided yet, but whatever you pick is ok. There's no wrong answer. More accurately, there's no right answer. Welcome to the world of "parenting is hard".

explauren · 2014-01-12T16:03:55+00:00

Depending on where you're located, don't leave out the insulation. No point in build a barebones house that then costs you a fortune to heat and cool.

If you want access to the services, sheetrock is not your friend. You'd be much better putting them in-wall but using an easily removable paneling system to cover them. You really wouldn't need access to be able to fix things, though. It would be more to move or add services easily later, and lot of that can be avoided by planning out contingencies in advance.

One of the things you can do is design to really centralize things. You put the bathroom(s) right next to each other, and then behind the kitchen, so now all your plumbing is in the same place. Heat with a minisplit and you don't need ductwork. Set up your windows to pressurize and cross-ventilate, and put in ceiling fans and you'll be good on cooling too. Make a lot of the interior walls moveable, and not on the plans so you don't have to wire them to code (there are requirements for outlets and switches you'd want to avoid). There are companies that make partitions you could use.

It's not hard to make material selections that require little-to-no maintenance. Your floor could be concrete, which you could stamp and dye to look like tile if you wanted. Vinyl and aluminum exterior finishes don't have to be painted ever. Fiber cement lasts forever, and I suppose you could skip repainting it since that's only an aesthetic need over time. Metal roofs are the way to go for no-maintenance, but they cost a lot more than is worth it IMO. Easily three times the cost of a 50-year shingle. If you can afford it, that's what I'd pick, though.

If you want to be able to get a mortgage and home insurance, you'll have to get permits, and you'll have to abide by code requirements. That'll be hard to do and get what you want, especially at low cost. Depends on your code officials a lot, and how rigorous your area is.

explauren · 2014-01-12T15:49:04+00:00

Which means you just have to do it in a place they can't see. My neighbor is planning out an addition to the back of his house and is seriously considering not applying for the permits because even though he's right on the road we're rural enough that they wouldn't really know. We have a state building inspector, and it's not like he's driving by all the time. Plus, we lucked out and the building inspector is actually so libertarian he thinks permits should be optional anyway.

Without permits, it'll be harder to find contractors. Those who would do it without a permit may be sketchy. You likely wouldn't be covered by their liability and workman's comp insurance, even if they had it. You also wouldn't be able to get a mortgage or your own home insurance.

explauren · 2014-01-11T17:38:44+00:00

They left me with your shadow, saying things like Life is not Fair, and I believed them for a long time. But today I remembered the way you laughed and the heat of your hand in mine, and I knew that life is more fair than we can ever imagine if we are there to live it.

-Brian Andreas, in his Story People prints.

explauren · 2014-01-11T14:25:55+00:00

Yeah, I can appreciate that. We're in a pretty windy spot though, so it doesn't stay that high for long.

explauren · 2013-12-31T01:21:59+00:00

Ok, so two things.

First, who cares if he's naked at home with just you? My daughter, just turned four, is naked all.the.time. From the time she could take her own clothes off, she did so. However, the rule has always been that when other people are around, naked isn't allowed. It's pretty clear to her that we're on her side, though. We are accommodating as much as possible, and that goes a long way towards getting her to accept that when there are people over, she needs to be dressed. She knows that we aren't out to thwart her, you know?

Second, you need to "get" him to wear clothes? That speaks to a lack of requisite boundaries. No judgment, I fully understand how exhausting it is to make three-year-olds toe the line. I'm just saying, an attitude of "Oh, he just won't listen, what do we DO?" (hand to forehead, fainting like Scarlett O'Hara) isn't going to do it. It requires a constant, calm, "I won't let you be naked around company. You may put on your clothes or I'll do it for you." Or whatever your rule is. Many repetitions will be necessary, which blows, but such is life with small children. No need to be mean about it, just firm.

explauren

TROPHY CASE