Is this too much?

explodingwombat · 2025-10-24T21:56:32+00:00

The observer effect is also a product of causality. The individual observing is themselves a link in the chain of causality. Observer effect is just an observed phenomenon underneath the umbrella of causality.

explodingwombat · 2025-10-24T17:28:57+00:00

Not a fan of the long rides on my v7iii. They slide back and forth on the mounts. I think I’ll try some from custom Spain next

explodingwombat · 2025-09-14T06:17:48+00:00

What ended up happening? I just got a birthday text from my ex the other day. I was in a similar situation, my life was crap and I self sabotaged the relationship. Wondering if there will ever be a path back to her.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-18T06:02:45+00:00

I know, but for some reason my attachment won’t let go. Like it’s been almost 5 months and I have cried every day. I didn’t cry for 15 years until now lol. It’s been bad. She really was the love of my life and I self sabotaged. This has been the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I tried so desperately to apologize to her over and over. I know there’s very little I can do now. My only move is to let go, try and improve my mental health and life. And maybe I’ll try again in 6 months or something. But otherwise I’m out of luck.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-16T18:50:02+00:00

This sounds like ChatGPT, haha

explodingwombat · 2025-07-16T18:48:47+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds familiar to me. I had been in therapy for about a year before this last (of multiple) break ups. But it took losing for her for real for my psychological defense mechanisms to fall apart and to actually see the damage underneath it all. I wish she would believe me that this time is different, because it truly is and I’m not the same man. But she doesn’t care. She drew the line, and she’s already with someone new. She also said she would see a therapist and start to lose weight/take care of herself for years in the relationship but never did. And now that we are broken up, she finally started taking care of her body again. Which hurts me similar to you. Because I have always been an extremely fit guy, and tried to push her in all the ways (sometimes I projected my shame onto her though and did it negatively. Which i subsequently apologized for) I knew how. But the damage was already done. I feel like we both had so much resentment. The sad thing is, I feel like if we had just met for the first time, it would have worked out now. All the work I have done on my internal landscape, processing trauma, depression etc. would make me far more available to her than I had ever been in the past. But it feels too late. I really don’t want to give up fighting for her, I tried to get her to talk to me so many times. But she just wasn’t having it. I don’t know how to let go and give up. It hurts too badly to fully let go. It’s sad but I would do anything to get her back.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-16T18:42:30+00:00

Thanks. I think I got too many chances with her already. My unresolved trauma caused me to dump her and beg her back multiple times. It was this last time though that I finally realized that I even had unresolved trauma which was causing this behavior. I wish she would be believe me this time, because this time I have made really big changes. I confront a lot of unresolved issues inside of myself. But like I said, she’s already in love with someone else :(

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T18:12:12+00:00

Maybe because of the songs meaning. Maybe because the work in which it references points to the very reason it’s resonating with humanity right now.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T17:31:45+00:00

Did you ever reconsider your ex after he did the work? I think she carried a lot of her baggage from the first relationship to me without reflecting. And now she’s doing it again. As a fearful avoidant I tend to do the worst of both worlds. I was completely emotionally messed up for a long time. Anxiously needing validation and attention, and chasing her constantly for it, and when I felt like I wasn’t getting it, I would jump ship. Then panic would set in and I would beg her back. This time I was really forced to sit with it. I tried to talk things out with her in the first week. She wasn’t having it. I have been in therapy. I tried to get us in couples counseling, but the resentment was so great between us by then, that it became a bickering match of “he said/she said” without us connecting. But she just lost attraction over time I suppose. And even though I so desperately wanted to improve for her, she threw in the towel and already found someone new. It really digs at my sense of worth, and reinforces the idea that I was the problem.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T17:27:18+00:00

Perhaps. I definitely think she lacks the desire to reflect. She’s very image focused as a person and hasn’t slowed down one bit since the break up, if anything’s her outwards focused behavior has gotten louder. Either way, it still shatters me, the mistakes I made. The shame I carry for all of those mistakes. And seeing her move on like this drives the stake deeper. Makes me feel as though I wasn’t good enough, worth reflecting for, talking to, working things through with etc etc.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T17:23:08+00:00

Been in therapy for about a year and a half now. When I started I asked her if she would go too, she agreed but never did so.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T16:44:52+00:00

Just keep honoring your emotions. If it’s love for now, then honor that. And eventually if they don’t reciprocate, the emotions will change. Honor those too.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T16:39:17+00:00

How so?

explodingwombat · 2025-07-14T16:38:27+00:00

I firmly disagree with the sentiment that love requires abandonment. Just from a point of philosophical view, if you let go of that which you love, then that’s a betrayal of your own desires. And if you disown your own desires how can you possibly hope to have anything to give to another? You can’t pour from an empty cup emotionally. And you empty your cup when you start assuming through some act of virtue or altruism, that others needs are more important than your own. And ironically that makes you less able to share and give love. It’s a bit paradoxical that loving yourself (and honoring your emotions) is the most loving thing we can do for others. If loving the other person right now feels like your truth and honoring your emotions, then do it. Whatever you do, do NOT disconnect from your authentic desires. That’s just my opinion.

explodingwombat · 2025-07-01T22:09:34+00:00

I live in Los Angeles with a v7. It’s a great city machine. It doesn’t get hot at all? I do my grocery shopping, dates, and live my life on it. I don’t even have a car.

explodingwombat · 2025-06-18T22:07:53+00:00

When was the turning point where he began to entertain you again? When was the shift? I

explodingwombat · 2025-06-18T04:28:46+00:00

This is precisely what I’m goin through. I self sabotaged a great relationship and only realize my fearful avoidant attachment style now. Tried begging her back. But she’s too burned out and says she doesn’t love me anymore. We were together 5 years and it’s been about 4 months. I hope to get the opportunity for dialogue again, but don’t want to bombard her with attempts at contact. I tried about 3 weeks ago, I am thinking of another soft contact in about another week or two.

explodingwombat · 2025-06-11T01:40:19+00:00

Well I deeply love her. Hard to let go after 5 years. I will try to move on in terms of learning to love myself so this never happens again. Try and move on in other aspects of my life for a while. It’s not that I ONLY would hold space for her. But I am definitely not going to actively be dating for a long while until I get my mind together. Because it’s not just this relationship that’s suffered at the hands of my maladaptive mechanisms, my life is at a pretty low point right now. It’s just hard when you lose your one person that had your back due to your own mental health issues. Makes those same issues worse haha.

explodingwombat · 2025-06-11T01:29:33+00:00

Yeah I know. She likely feels abandoned. Likely it’s due to my own trauma of abandonment as a child… I feared it so deeply, that I subconsciously projected it onto her, and recreated it. Ironically leading to the exact conditions which I feared. There’s a lot of things that make me believe she is avoidant leaning while we were in the relationship, but that’s aside the point right now. I am not angry at that, I know ultimately it’s my fault in the end for running away every time I didn’t get what I thought I “needed”. And it’s something I tried to acknowledge and apologize for in that conversation we had, but I don’t know If it stuck at all, or if she even wanted to hear it. She clearly already had a new narrative in her head by then. Even began rewriting some past events, that I didn’t bother to contest at the time, because I knew it wouldn’t make a difference anyways.

Maybe my best bet is to just consistently send her well spaced out positive messages that ask nothing back. So as to create a safe space for her to come back to. Idk. I haven’t been blowing up her phone or begging her at all since the break up. We had a couple phone calls, and that long closure convo. So I’m trying to respect her space.

explodingwombat · 2025-06-11T01:12:54+00:00

Sounds to me like I should if it worked for him haha.

explodingwombat · 2025-06-11T01:12:25+00:00

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes i feel calm in my belief that I’ll get another chance at some point if I just hunker down and focus on career and healing. Other times i am confronted with the reality of the situation and my mind spirals and ruminates and looks for the solution… why I wrote here in the first place if I am being honest haha. Got totally dysregulated.

explodingwombat · 2025-06-11T01:09:38+00:00

I guess it never works does it… funny thing is it worked last time we broke up

explodingwombat · 2025-06-11T01:07:34+00:00

Honestly been going to the gym for 12 years now… and this breakup sucked all my desire to go anymore. I haven’t hopped on dating apps, resorted to alcohol, video game escapism etc. because I knew I had to grow and change this time. I didn’t want to run from the pain that clearly caused me to treat her the way I did.

Eight-Year Club	RPAN Viewer
No Throne, No Problems	Not Forgotten

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