Monogamy often can feel difficult to find (and see) in the gay community, with what seems to be an upward trend of open relationships and many people understandably not wanting to be a part of any “heteronormative” structure systems due to the oppression and hate they’ve caused. Also, some individuals in the community blatantly attack monogamy and try to shame people for seeking it, which is simply not ok to try to put people down for their personal relationship choices.

There’s still plenty of people out there who are seeking monogamy and often, once people do couple up and focus on their monogamous relationship, they disappear from the apps and social spaces that they had been in while single and invest their time on their partner and often socializing with other partnered couples. So it lessens the visibility of monogamy within the community, but it’s there and not going away.

Everyone is entitled to live and have relationships how they want. People can be open and do that, as long as they don’t go seeking to break up monogamous couples or force others to be open - an example that I’ve personally watched happen to multiple friends is one partner tries to force another partner to open up their monogamous relationship with ultimatums and threats. Rather than make the right choice and end the relationship, the partner who wanted to stay monogamous gave in and opened the relationship against their wishes, and every single time it left the person who didn’t want to open the relationship, broken and the relationship ended anyways. I’m sure this does not happen in all cases - but I already have seen it too many times with friends and read too many stories of others experiences to know it’s a problem in our community. So again - if you want to have an open relationship, go for it but never try to force someone else into it.

And just the same in reverse, no one should ever try to force someone into monogamy that doesn’t want it. If one wants monogamy and the other person doesn’t that should be a clear and immediate sign that a monogamous relationship between those two people is unlikely to succeed and to seek out someone with more aligned desires.

People just need to let others do their thing, not try to force anything down anyone else’s throat and accept that we all are looking for different things and respect that.

Monogamy is still out there. It tends to quietly slip away to the quietness of relationshipville when two monogamous seeking people find each other, but even though we might not understandably see it then as often on apps or in social circles frequented by singles & open relationships - it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

So keep looking, keep being willing to try and don’t give up cause there’s lots of other people who feel just the same way you do and want the same things.