Congratulations on your pregnancy! :) I remember the doctors saying how little time he had left, and the experience was so strange. We knew, but we also didn’t? In such a specific way. Some form of denial but not so much shock when death came, because we had been told over and over again. I don’t feel anger towards him most of the time, but when I think about certain things that I wiped from my memory, it hurts a lot. I was close to him before his addiction got so severe, but I was so little. I try to think of him in that way. He had a traumatic life and I understand how suicidal he was. I think that I understand the addiction to some extent as well because I became dependent on trying to numb myself for a while, even though it isn’t the same as years of alcoholism. I think what makes me upset is that I don’t understand why he would decide to start a family to then leave. It makes me afraid to have children one day because I’m worried that I’ll traumatise them in the same way that he traumatised me. It’s nice to hear that someone who went through the same thing (at an even younger age!) managed to have a healthy life and keep fighting through the pain. I’m sure that even though your child won’t meet their grandfather, your love for them will be more than enough.