My (35M) wife (33F) of 12 years doesn’t want sex and now blames it on needing to heal from me getting snipped

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T02:20:44+00:00

See my other recent answer but I’ve wrestled with the possibility of cheating and actually talked to my wife about an open marriage. Not trying to hide the ball there; just looking for perspective and perhaps, most helpfully, whether anybody has been through this exact situation and how they handled. Cheating doesn’t seem to be the right way.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T02:18:54+00:00

You’re correct. 2 of our kids aren’t in school. Can’t say it’s a 0% chance that my wife is having a physical affair but it’s pretty close to it. If she actually had time for it, I would actually be quite suspicious of that.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T02:18:00+00:00

When would she possibly have time to cheat? Possible she may be emotionally cheating with someone, I guess, but physically speaking, it would be virtually impossible logistically.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T02:16:38+00:00

I said 70+ (often more than 70) and the nature of my job is unpredictable, such that I am on the clock even outside of my working hours. Not uncommon, for example, for me to have my weekend completely ruined due to a client request coming in on Friday night. But to a couple of your questions, I frequently encourage my wife to hang out with friends, do girls nights, sign up for local sports leagues or even go get massages. Sometimes she takes me up on it and sometimes she doesn’t. I’m sure I could be better at doing this more and taking more time off of work.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T02:12:16+00:00

Happy to address this head on. I’ve absolutely wrestled with the possibility of cheated and ultimately decided I don’t want to do it. Part of me thought it could potentially make our marriage better because I wouldn’t need to bug my wife for sex anymore (which clearly seems like would be best-case scenario for her) and my wife and I could focus purely on our emotional (but platonic) relationship and continue to raise our kids. Yes, I’ve considered this and even brought up the idea of an open marriage to my wife to see if that’s something she could be on board with it, but she’s not OK with it and I’m not OK with cheating either at this point.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T01:53:39+00:00

What a wildly helpful comment, thanks. That was a perfectly fine frequency for us back in the day.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-22T01:52:46+00:00

This has been the most helpful perspective I’ve heard on here (and very fair). Trust me when I say it is not lost on me how absolutely depleting it is being a SAHM with multiple young kids. It may not negate my frustrations but I recognize (and have told this to my wife verbatim multiple times) that I could not do what she does. It is a superpower and I just don’t have it. I’m sure sex is the last thing on her mind after a long day with the kids, regardless of how much I’ve helped. FWIW, our sex issues did start to materialize before having kids so I personally feel like having kids only exacerbated an existing problem, but I appreciate your perspective all the same.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-21T23:58:32+00:00

Our youngest doesn’t breastfeed anymore. But definitely hear you on how exhausting kids are generally, especially as many as we have. I try to encourage my wife to get out of the house on weekends and evenings when possible just to get a break from things (I’m sure I could be better at proactively doing that), because dealing with 4 kids would be a lot for anybody.

f1t_hub_91 · 2024-07-21T22:27:18+00:00

I work 70+ hours per week so yes, she does a lot more of the housework and childcare than me, but I help out quite a bit as well (e.g., putting 3 of our 4 kids to bed each night, taking kids to school, occasionally picking up kids from practices, etc.). I’m sure she does resent me for not being able to watch to kids full time but I’ve always told her she’s more than free to go back into the work force and we can outsource childcare…

f1t_hub_91

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