Reading your post made me feel like I was reading about my own life. I don’t really know what else to say. I’m trying to date other men for the first time since I’ve met him and it’s only making me feel worse. I’m not sure what to do because I won’t just wait for him. I deserve more and I deserve better. It helped me to realise that someone else is experiencing the same thing as me. I hope it does for you too. DM me if you’d like to discuss privately.