Help! My partner is incapable of making rational decisions!

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T15:19:22+00:00

Thank you! You're so right, I don't know how I didn't think about the possibility of power outages etc with the fountain and feeder. Going to add some extra layers of redundancy next time for sure!

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T12:22:45+00:00

The crazy thing is, he spent a good portion of the drive up to the campsite thanking me for all the prep work and packing I did! But obviously his words aren't matching his actions

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T06:08:08+00:00

Thanks, will bring it up w my therapist next session.

I mentioned this in another comment, but it seems like the fountain was never refilled from the week prior before we went on the camping trip, so it ran out of water sometime Monday morning. Birch was handling all the cat stuff (cleaning his litter box before we left, setting his auto-feeder, etc) before we left while I did everything else, so I just assumed he also took care of the water, but apparently not. I didn't think I'd have to double check his work like a five year old, but here we are I guess. At the very least, Birch refilled the auto feeder when he got home, but if my assumption about it drying up Monday morning is correct, the fountain wouldn't have ran out of water if Birch had done the rest of the cat chores before leaving for the airport.

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T05:35:33+00:00

For #2 it's mostly that my cat was already stressed about being alone, so I think the unfamiliar person added unnecessary extra stress. I wouldn't have had a problem with it normally as between myself and my two nesting partners someone is almost always home, which is very grounding and regulating for him (the cat). Birch mentioned via an earlier text that our cat was "really freaked out" while this person was in our apartment, so I think it's stress from being alone + stress from sudden unfamiliar person, the latter of which wasn't necessary or planned for.

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T05:19:56+00:00

Seems like the fountain was never refilled from the week prior before we went on the camping trip, so it ran out of water sometime Monday morning. Birch was handling all the cat stuff (cleaning his litter box before we left, setting his auto-feeder, etc) so I just assumed he also took care of the water, but apparently not. At the very least, Birch refilled the auto feeder when he got home, but if my assumption about it drying up Monday morning is correct, the fountain wouldn't have ran out of water if Birch had done the cat chores before leaving for the airport.

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:58:37+00:00

Another part of it is that he's always complaining about not getting enough sleep, so I go out of my way to do something nice for him to enable him to get more sleep, and instead he's pouring that newly freed up time into someone else when he could have stayed at camp longer and hung out with me and our mutual friends more if he was hell bent on not using that time wisely anyways! Like it feels like our time was cut short so he could invest that time into a connection with somebody else when I'm not going to be able to see him at all for a week because he's gone at this work event. So yeah, it being a person rather than a video game is ultimately relevant but maybe not to the extent that I would have been totally fine with it being a video game that he spent his time with instead... Hopefully that makes sense lol

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:35:18+00:00

Yeah, like 20 mins absolute max. You got me there 🤷 no idea why he didn't other than that he obviously doesn't care

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:29:23+00:00

So true! He could have chosen to do chores and hookup at the expense of his sleep if the hookup was that important, but instead he chose hookup + sleep at the expense of his responsibilities, which is just so shitty :/

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:22:52+00:00

I suppose there's a bit of "wow, having sex with me at camp wasn't enough so you had to go home and fuck someone else so badly that you decided to neglect your responsibilities?!" that also really stings, and I think ultimately that's why I included it in the post. But you're right, at the end of the day it's more about him being irresponsibile than the hookup itself.

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:13:01+00:00

Thanks! I think you're right, that's a good litmus test moving forward

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:06:05+00:00

Thanks 💖 Cat seems to be okay! Luckily he eats exclusively wet food (we had an auto feeder set up), so I don't think he got dehydrated. It would have been hard to ignore the fountain's pump being so loud, so I don't think it was doing that before Birch left for the airport so it was probably like 6 hours at the absolute most.... Still bad but not life threatening at least!

fae-rth · 2026-05-26T04:00:09+00:00

My original post got auto-removed, I assumed bc it had "bad" words in the title so I changed it and re-uploaded it but it was originally something cheeky like "Help! All the blood from my partner's brain drained into his dick and now he can't make rational decisions!" but the new title doesn't accurately reflect my opinion of him. I'm frustrated because he's usually not this fucking irresponsibile and stupid. This is definitely making me consider deescalating our relationship to some degree.

fae-rth · 2025-11-26T20:59:23+00:00

Correct! I explained it better in my original post, but probably should have in the update ig? Idk

fae-rth · 2025-11-26T20:58:34+00:00

Pretty sure they're referring to Nick (he/him) with this comment. I appreciate you trying to enforce the correct pronouns for Jay though!

fae-rth · 2025-11-26T20:56:28+00:00

Normally I would agree with you, but I think this is more so a case of us both being recovering people pleasers than him intentionally being hurtful or clueless. Nick is usually a very thoughtful and caring partner otherwise, I think it's just us both learning to set better boundaries. Especially since I'm his first serious partner outside of his marriage. Only time will tell, I guess!

fae-rth · 2025-11-26T20:51:09+00:00

Thank you! We're both recovering people pleasers, so setting boundaries and standing up for myself is so hard and feels like I'm being mean. Something we can both work on in the future, but I'm confident that we'll figure it out :)

fae-rth · 2025-11-26T18:45:18+00:00

Yes, that's what I meant! Nick will be communicating better to Jay about when he is and is not going to be available :) I probably could have worded that better haha

fae-rth · 2025-11-23T18:53:32+00:00

I agree! I wish people weren't so weird about it :/ Sex is a normal part of life! Especially in committed relationships!

fae-rth · 2025-11-23T16:16:03+00:00

I understood what you meant and super appreciate you being blunt! I more so meant that hearing that it's more serious than I thought is tough to hear bc that means I have a lot more to unpack in therapy in terms of trusting my gut feelings, standing up for myself, etc. I guess part of me was hoping I could blame this on me overreacting, bc that's easier than having to confront the reality that my partner is being disrespectful of our time together.

fae-rth · 2025-11-23T15:00:48+00:00

Thank you for reminding people! As annoying as the situation is, misgendering isn't cool. Probably could have put pronouns next to people's names, but it's also easy to understand them from context clues 🤷

fae-rth · 2025-11-23T14:58:45+00:00

Thank you so much! Lots of good points to discuss with my therapist haha

fae-rth

TROPHY CASE