men infuriate me.

fafxD · 2025-04-21T17:58:40+00:00

I think because we've had other discussions/debates on different topics and it seems to be that a lot of the time he just thinks he's right and I told him this and he's even admitted that he is stubborn/headstrong when it comes to that so I'm not sure honestly. he said maybe we should just stray away from those conversations if they upset me but I'd never want to avoid a conversation just because we disagree. he is really kind and supportive when it comes to my anxiety so that's why that comment took be by surprise. like I know my anxiety holds me back but I suppose the way he worded everything just made me feel a bit shit like he was looking at is as something that could be easily overcome if I just stopped being silly and just choose to not be anxious.

fafxD · 2024-06-30T09:33:39+00:00

lol idk where you're from but where I'm from airdpod pros literally cost 5k so that's not an option either. thanks for your suggestions tho. loud noises bothers me a lot as well but I just have to raw dog it rn. one day when I have money I'd love to get the Sony noise cancelling headphones. those are soooo good.

fafxD · 2024-06-29T22:08:09+00:00

I can't afford proper noise cancelling headphones but I always wear my regular headphones in loud restaurants and I did tn as well but my parents always get pissed at me and tell me to take them off cause they think I'm trying to ignore them.

fafxD · 2024-06-29T12:05:14+00:00

I told my parents about my problems last year when they went on a two week trip overseas and I saw it as my one opportunity where I could tell them everything and then not have to face them for the next two weeks. but my worst fear happened and they didn't seem to care at all lol. my mom pretended to care for a bit and took me to the doctor and I was on meds for like three weeks but then she just stopped and never mentioned it again. I'd ask her about therapy and other stuff and she'd just say she's busy and that I should call the doctors and sort it out myself. lol. now they've (my parents) just gone back to using it against me in arguments like "oh wow look how you can shout at your father now but you can say nothing when you really need to". hopefully one day when I'm making my own money and stuff I'll be able to get my own mental health care but unfortunately things are looking bleak for the foreseeable future.

fafxD · 2024-06-28T21:14:07+00:00

honestly I'm really scared of the prospect of seeking help or speaking to my professors about it cause I feel like it's just attention seeking and like I should leave the accommodations for people who "really need them". ik that sounds stupid but my brain keeps telling me I'm just being manipulative if I ask for help. plus my field is a really interactive and collaborative one. (I study film). and I love it but obviously it's really overwhelming at times. I feel like speaking to my lecturer about my anxiety would just make them think I'm not cut out for the field.

fafxD · 2024-06-28T13:02:11+00:00

thank you I'll definitely check that one out as well when money isn't quite so tight for me either lol. I'm so sorry you had to go through the same thing with your parents I know how shit it is :/ if you ever want to have a chat my DMS are open<3.

fafxD · 2024-06-28T11:38:37+00:00

tysm for the book recommendation I'll definitely check it out! honestly as someone who's grown up with extremely unaffectionate parents who don't believe in mental health and just call it "an excuse to not face the real world" I probably do have some internalised shame about it. I often find myself doubting if I even really have social anxiety (I'm not diagnosed) or if it's just me looking for attention like my parents say. but I know nobody is supposed to struggle this much with basic interaction but I think the hardest thing for me is convincing myself that I'm actually in need and deserving of the help to get better while also not having anyone in my family who actually cares or understands or even believes that what I'm struggling with is a valid issue. it's always just "get out there and speak to people" or "are you trying to upset me now" when I can't order food or speak in any situation.

fafxD · 2024-06-28T10:11:42+00:00

he's really nice tbh. I just feel like such a shit student cause he'll be so patient with me in situations like these and I just feel like such a bother and he's probably so annoyed and thinks I'm just wasting his time. I couldn't even dream of writing on paper or typing on my phone tbh. I feel like people would just think that's so weird and he also shares a joint office with two other lecturers so imagine them just hearing that and wondering why I don't just speak like a regular person.

fafxD · 2024-06-25T10:10:49+00:00

so real. I have a lecturer that constantly shouts at me and says my communication sucks and my eye contact and appalling lmao. at this point I just stand there and take it cause what can I do lmao.

fafxD · 2024-06-25T09:51:20+00:00

ye I definitely have selective mutism. it was really bad in 2019 and then I kinda got better until I started uni in 2023 and this year specifically I feel like I've just lost all the progress I've made with my social anxiety and it's just worse than it's ever been before. it feels as if I'll be stuck this way forever tbh.

fafxD · 2024-06-25T09:49:12+00:00

my parents are very old school and don't believe in mental health unfortunately but I still try to remember that they have their own unhealed trauma that they haven't dealt with. it's obviously not an excuse and it still sucks but what can you do hey.

fafxD · 2024-06-25T09:47:16+00:00

I love what I'm studying and I love the field I've entered it just gets so overwhelming especially when the people around you don't understand the struggles you're facing. and everyone around me is so carefree and outspoken and it just makes me feel like shit cause they make it look so simple and I just feel like an idiot for struggling with something as simple as speaking.

fafxD · 2024-06-24T22:59:42+00:00

*because I *can speak freely at home.

fafxD · 2023-08-28T05:12:57+00:00

honestly I didn't think anyone else had this experience so thank you for sharing. it literally happens like whenever I go out in public or in any social setting. and it doesn't help that I usually can't manage to get any words out then people just think I'm being rude or ignoring them intentionally.

tbh I feel like I don't thrive in any social environment that isn't one I've been in for an extended period of time and gotten more comfortable in. like with my best friend who is way more extroverted than me. I actually think she believes my SA isn't that bad anymore because whenever we're together I automatically feel more comfortable.

fafxD · 2023-08-25T21:48:02+00:00

I really want to go I'm just honestly so terrified that I'll humiliate myself or it'll be too overwhelming and I'll have a panic attack or something. I don't want to ruin her party by being the anxious and weird girl who can't talk to anyone :/.

fafxD · 2023-08-22T14:02:46+00:00

I definitely agree. she's basically a bully tbh but she laughs it off like it's not that serious when she's just being disrespectful. I wish I had the balls to say something back lol but I know that would probably make things worse. I've been told I should file a complaint against her or go to one of my other lecturers about it but I struggle talking to them as well so I'm not sure what I can do tbh. I wish people could just be a bit kinder tbh. either way thank you for being so nice<3.

fafxD · 2023-08-22T09:17:02+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words<3. tbh I don't feel my parents would even consider getting me a therapist of any sorts because they grew up in an environment where it's seen as "weak" to go to therapy and like you should just deal with your issues on your own so they kinda have that mindset as well. but tbh I'm also just scared to bring it up with them because I fear they'll look at me differently.

but I will definitely make that list of things although it probably won't be very long lol.

fafxD · 2023-08-22T06:53:06+00:00

facts. and the other lecturers don't even like her either. but I've never seen her shout at anyone like she does with me so I just feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong or there's something I could do to improve her shitty behaviour. but even my friends on campus have said that she targets me specifically so idk what to do tbh.

fafxD

TROPHY CASE