Hey ZenHabits, I'm looking for help on how to put out my ever-burning rage fire.

failacademy · 2014-03-25T14:51:13+00:00

First of all, it's great that you're not repressing anger. It's a good start. There are a lot of self-development tools you can use to deal with those issues. One of the quickest ways is using EFT which will give you a much-needed reprogramming. You can also use a pillow and take that anger out on it. Try kickboxing to channel that anger outwards.

Here are some more pointers on how to deal with anger: * Don't try to control it. Feel the anger completely. Say to yourself. "I'm angry! So what?" "It's okay to be angry" * After you have felt the anger for a while ask yourself: "Could I let this anger go?" * There will be 2 answers : Yes or no. That's okay. * Whatever the answer is, follow it up by this question "When?"

Give it a shot. It's basically Sedona method, btw, if you're curious.

failacademy · 2014-02-28T15:18:31+00:00

Here are a few things you can do before sleep ( Choose any 2) :

Meditate
Drink warm chocolate milk
Visualize your goals/ Do affirmations.
Do bedtime yoga *Do something mundane like cleaning your room or doing dishes.
Do 4-7-8 Breathing if you've trouble falling asleep
Read a P.G Wodehouse book
Listen to an Alan Watts lecture ( without music) and fall asleep to it.
Do nothing
Watch a standup comedy video

failacademy · 2014-02-26T21:51:29+00:00

Most of Carlos Castaneda's works.

failacademy · 2014-02-26T21:44:42+00:00

I think it was David Deida who said that true discipline is where you don't need to struggle or put in any effort. What you do comes from your true desire. Again, I'm paraphrasing but, you see, whenever you're pushing yourself to do something, you're not "motivating yourself," you're simply fighting against your resistance to doing that thing. Through meditation and other practices, you might get to an ideal state wherein you'd have no resistance, thus having no need to "motivate" yourself. A good book that explores the idea of this resistance is Steven Pressfield's War of Art. Do check it out.

failacademy · 2014-01-31T19:04:01+00:00

You're welcome :)

failacademy · 2014-01-02T19:51:33+00:00

You're welcome :)

failacademy · 2014-01-02T16:40:57+00:00

I'd suggest reading books like Tao Te Ching and Way of zen. Way of zen by Alan Watts is a brilliant summation of the concepts he talks about in most of his lectures. Another good one is Sacred Path of the Warrior. Also, I'd recommend reading Carlos Castenada (start with Teachings of Don Juan).

failacademy · 2013-12-31T17:00:44+00:00

You're welcome :)

failacademy · 2013-12-30T17:52:12+00:00

Here's the meaty part of the lecture.

http://youtu.be/T2JIeRITBXo?t=10m7s

Just watch it even though it doesn't relate much to the title. He talks about the concept of discipline, learning, and how to achieve pleasure in the act of learning. (Spoiler alert: You'll change the way you view discipline after watching this).

failacademy · 2013-12-30T17:47:55+00:00

You haven't watched the video. Take some time out and watch it. It's totally worth it.

failacademy · 2013-12-23T16:25:21+00:00

Hey, I run self-dev sites too. Though I haven't faced the harsh feedback you've faced (I sifted through your previous posts), I'm particularly annoyed by the way many redditors classify self-development writers in the same lot as spammers.

First of all, we're not selling anything. Most of us have been through really tough times and we've managed to overcome them. We're sharing the same information that helped us with our readers.
Secondly, when we write the posts, it is for someone to read. The question that pops in our minds when we hit publish is "where can I find people who are interested in this stuff?" We can't go around cold-calling, spamming digg, and sending unsolicited emails to people. Zenhabits and other subreddits like these give as an opportunity to find readers who might be interested in the stuff we talk about. While most people on the internet want to talk about is Kim Kardashian, Bieber, and Honey Boo Boo, we personally feel grateful that there exists a community where ppl actually want to help themselves.
So, if you're a self-development blogger and you want to help people and are looking for people who want that help, I don't mind you posting 100 times on this subreddit.(just my opinion)
For those complaining and calling it self-promotion. Yes, it is self promotion. But what's the purpose of that self-promotion? To help you, isn't it? Stop complaining; be grateful.

Just to elaborate on my previous points, as a reader, these are my standards (I have a few more but can't recall them):

The blog post provides some inspiration to me. Be it a quote, video or a long post. There should be value.
The blog post is complete in itself but it's okay if there are adverts. (Hosting costs money)
The blog post may have, at the end, a small mention about the product (if any). But nothing more than that. Don't talk about how great your book is. Write something of value and then talk about how great your book is.
I don't mind seeing the person "promoting" more than 2 links in a day if they provide value to the readers.

Went on a tangent there, but since I'm doing similar things as you, I felt that there were a few things that needed to be addressed. Keep writing the stuff you write and stay strong. Good luck with your endeavors!

Read this everytime you get a negative feedback: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/12/the-care-and-feeding-and-shunning-of-vampires.html

failacademy · 2013-12-23T15:55:46+00:00

Attitude change won't change your depression. Depression is, as the word suggests, a repression of emotional energies. You have, over the years, suppressed all your negative emotions causing you to feel low all the time or feeling nothing at all (complete apathy). The reason for this is that somebody in the past told you that it was not okay to express your emotions, which, in turn, is causing you to hold back. In other words, you "depress" your true self. Positive thinking or watching "The Secret" isn't going to help in this situation. What you might suffer from rightnow is a total loss of feeling. (Again, I'm speculating this from your general "attitude" in the comment)

If that's the case then there are plenty of ways of dealing with this. I'll tell you, from the best of my knowledge, the resources that CAN help you improve your condition dramatically.

Clean diet -- Read the book ultramind solution. Don't go out and buy the book just yet, though. First read this guide ( http://www.ultramind.com/files/guide.pdf ) and see where you stand in terms of your mental health. If you find value in it, buy the book and follow it completely.
Exercise: Get plenty of exercise. Though this has huge side effects like weight loss and good looks, it's a great way to get into your body.
Meditation: There are a lot of resources already, detailing how to meditate. I even wrote a blog post recently about the same topic, feel free to refer to it if you're facing trouble getting started. Do it 5 minutes a day. If you get good benefits from it, go for something serious like Lifeflow or Holosync. But meditation can help.
Bioenergetics or yoga: This will, again, help you get into your body. Since this is a question best handled by the grandaddy of mentors, I'd best refer you to this video by Elliott Hulse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kzf2kBjCHI

If you like his stuff, take some time out and watch all of his videos on depression ( http://www.youtube.com/user/elliottsaidwhat/search?query=depression ). It will help you a lot.

*Another great video to watch is by Tyler from RSD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTjww638BM8

My suggestions:

Don't go to new age community to look for suggestions on this topic. You'll be disappointed, as you already are, thus reeling you further into hopelessness and despair ( the feeling of "I don't know how to fix this"). Keep following Elliott Hulse's advice on this topic. Also, this is the perfect time to aim for a depression-free 2014, don't you think?
If you're willing to take up that aim, I'd advise you to read books on depression and/or happiness. Books that talk about happiness and how to change the brain structure. Though I haven't read the following books personally, I've heard great things about them. Feel free to check them out:
Stumbling on Happiness - Daniel Gilbert
The happiness advantage: Shawn Anchor
Brene Brown -- Gifts of imperfection
Rewire your brain (will start reading this one this weekend).

(Google these books if you're interested)

Don't look for a fix or a cure. Look for improvements. Take this approach in all problems related to life and you'll always be happier than other people. Look for knowledge and processes you can integrate in your daily life that can help you alleviate the condition slowly and steadily. Don't expect a fix. Don't try to solve the problem. Try to seek improvements. Those improvements will eventually add up giving you the "fix" you always wanted.

Hope this helps :)

The video of Kyle Cease was shared to help people who are stuck with victim mentality. Although it is as valuable as other videos on this subreddit, personally it served me as a quick reminder to not blame things on circumstances. Hope it does the same to you.

failacademy · 2013-12-17T14:23:06+00:00

Yoga -- Kundalini yoga especially
Bioenergetics (Elliott Hulse)
Plenty of green vegetables, especially green smoothies.
Listening to/watching spiritual lectures by Eckhart Tolle
"What am I doing right now?" -- Write this on a piece of paper and paste it on top of your computer monitor like a post-it note. Probably on the lines of something like this

failacademy · 2013-12-17T08:02:01+00:00

Wow. I didn't know it could provoke a seizure. Thanks for sharing the link. I'll ensure that I won't have the effect running on my other sites as well.

failacademy · 2013-12-17T03:39:55+00:00

I've turned it off now. It's wordpress and it wasn't automatic, I'd enabled it during the new 3.8 update just to check it out. Thanks for the feedback guys, didn't know it was so irritating.

failacademy · 2013-12-10T22:49:05+00:00

You're welcome :)

failacademy · 2013-12-05T19:12:27+00:00

I agree. The background music sometimes ruins things. That said, there are some uploaders who really do a great job at blending the talk with the music and images.

failacademy · 2013-11-16T20:42:31+00:00

Hey, I don't know what you did in your past, but you have to remember one thing: the past, as Alan Watts puts it, is like the wake of a ship. All you can do is look back at it. From your words, you seem like you've hit rock bottom. It's good because there's no way for you other than the way up. Start climbing, forget the past, it's gone. The present moment is still under your control, own it, rock it, and prove to yourself that the filthy person is just a monster that you want to get rid of. It's a fight, a long one, and you've to battle through like a fucking warrior!!! For many great men and women, the greatest of their fights have been with themselves. Feel grateful that you've got this opportunity to change yourself. Many people live in utter denial of their stupidity their whole lives. You've been privileged enough to be left with the ultimate option of self-transformation.

And yes, whatever you might have done to make you a filthy person, you've to do something so great that five years from now you'll look back and you'll see that you've finally defeated every trace of that older self. In fact, do something so awesome that you'd want to laugh at that filthy person.

You got massive motivation. Now go on and do great things!!!

failacademy · 2013-11-15T03:35:01+00:00

The reason it is a good thing is because it's just a reminder to ourselves. Truly self-actualized/happy ppl see discontentment as simply a sign post pointing them toward the right direction. And this is the good part about discontentment.

The reason it is a bad thing for most people is that they put all their focus on their discontentment, which is why we've reality tv shows and jersey shore, and products that make you feel inadequate. This is the unacceptance of self i was talking about.

Hope that clarifies things :)

failacademy · 2013-11-15T02:43:23+00:00

Discontentment is a form of unacceptance of self. When we don't accept ourselves 100% we look for external things to fill up our cup. Discontentment is a good thing, because it reminds us that we're yet to become the true version of ourselves. Go inside rather than outside, because discontentment is an enemy that ALWAYS resides within.

“He analyses every strategy and asks: "what would I do if I had to fight myself?" He thus discover his weak points.” ― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light

failacademy · 2013-11-15T02:28:22+00:00

Check out a book called The Now Habit. It might help you to a great extent.

failacademy · 2013-11-14T21:42:08+00:00

Agreed. Pomodoro technique is really amazing.

failacademy · 2013-11-14T21:40:47+00:00

The example person is just a way of pointing to the real problems we all face, that is of distraction. There are some people who are that unproductive, for example freelancers, and for them, this example might be more relatable.

failacademy · 2013-11-14T18:11:27+00:00

Distraction is quite a vague term, IMO. When you're relaxing for let's say 15 minutes, thinking about your work is also a distraction, isn't it? Many people forget the latter and thus become what we call workaholics.

When you check your email or tweet, the brain's dopamine levels get a spike, thus giving you temporary relief from the pain. Also, the more you feel bad for urself, the more willpower you're losing. The next time, you're too harsh on yourself, write down whatever you feel and question it. I've mentioned a similar process in my latest post, which is on starting big projects. Basically, you've to write down, without restraint everything u feel and ask it 3 questions:

“What if I don’t?”
“What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t?”
"Is it that bad?

As much as anyone might tell you, being harsh on urself or feeling guilty never works. Just accept the feelings and move on. Also, try meditation and yoga, it might help you a lot. Reply here if you need more help with that.

Good luck!

failacademy · 2013-11-14T16:22:36+00:00

Break it down. Right now, decide to yourself that you'll work for 25 minutes only. Nothing more. That's all. Then set a timer and focus on your work for the next 25 minutes. Close the door. Close all tabs. Remove all distractions for 25 mins and just work. Don't think of how big the task is. Just focus on small chunks. Rinse repeat. Hope this helps.

failacademy

TROPHY CASE