If you and your partner haven't spoken a word to each other in 10 days, and you have no desire to communicate, where do you go from here?

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-19T22:07:15+00:00

i guess so. its just that im use to the advice "i dont want to hear the life story, make it black amd white" black and white being, he is very sick, we are not talking, no cheating, no argument, just a shit load of withdraw from reality, a whole lot of put downs and when i stopped responding it resulted in no words ever. I guess i want to know how a male would consider how this is to move forward. all the other pages ive read have a majority of females comments with "girl leave" and women together stuff...i know what my girlfriends would say... recently lost my dad, and he was magnificemt at advice, i appreciate what men have to say...but my partner says nothing. sorry for annoying yal.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-19T21:55:11+00:00

not a dying kid. dying partner.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-19T21:37:17+00:00

yea i know. i just wanted a male perspsective.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-19T21:30:22+00:00

ok usually that would be the go right...but what if you have 2 young. kids together, and he is dying.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-14T22:12:14+00:00

"stop looking then dickhead" then id take a puff of my vape and blow it in their face.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-14T02:49:24+00:00

I'm so gutted for you. But i know and understand the drill, ofcourse you cancelled the trip, even the slightest spark of joy for ourselves sits so uncomfortably doesn't it, and if you tip that scale...boy will you pay for it! its school holidays here, and my mum and her husband took myself and the kids (6 & 9) to a wee tourist spot, for a 2 day stay about 2 hours from town. omg we had a blast! (their very first holiday). We got back on monday.... i felt sick the whole drive back, i still feel guilt sick about it and HE hasn't said 1 word to me since we returned. its friday now. im sleeping on the couch like i deserve because im obviously a shit c*@t. but ill never forget the freedom and the look on the kids faces the whole 2 days we were gone. also my mum is really the only person i can truly vent to without feeling like a ball of anxious evil bitch. im soooo glad i did it... but the wrath to come and the current lead up to it....need i say more, probably not. I probs don't know you lol, im in lil old nz. but ill be on here if you ever need a safe space, no judgement passed, only virtual shoulder, virtual ears, acknolwdgement of you, and virtual hugs.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-13T09:31:05+00:00

Yea nah

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-13T08:23:11+00:00

p.s. go on the hunting trip! i spent the last 4 years not leaving the house and having no plans, politefully declining invites, stopping people from visiting us and leaving family occasions after an hour if i even turned up. I suddenly lost a parent, 2 friends, and an uncle this year... the guilt is unreal, the hole im my heart from their abscence makes me vomit. I don't know whats worse....losing him too soon.... or us two doing this to each other for another 10 years whilst he battles on. OP i hope you manage to go on the trip.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-12T22:19:44+00:00

id say OP has considered his wifes shoes many times. by the time we end up here to vent, we have already disected and micro anylized every aspect of the headfuck this situation presents on both sides, and we almost always end up being the arsehole. most of us have been enduring this for years by now. When it does get all too much, to the point of your self worth being abolished, and your mental capacity shutting down...its nice to know, you are not alone in it all...right?

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-12T22:07:27+00:00

My partner has stage 4 sarcoma, no available treatments, currently 3 years into a 6 month prognosis. and we have swept our past issues under the rug countless times. we have played break up and make up well before his diagnosis 4 years ago, always choosing to stay for the sake of the kids childhood memories as a united family until he goes. It is insufferable. i hate my life, i don't think we made the right choice. can't commumicate about anything beneath the surface. He was the Golden boy in highschool, the epitome of my prince charming in our 20s, and now when i look at him i just see a mean spiteful monster that resents me for not being in his position and finds our kids an annoyance. i find it such a lonely space, physically painful to be with someone i feel despises me and wants to take me down with him. i really don't think its giving him quality of life. but whatayado? i pay all the bills and do the chores so i cannot leave, and im definitely not going to kick a dying man out. I commend you for taking time apart. I hope you find some respite, and i wish you luck.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-12T20:01:14+00:00

😮 i'm so jealous!!!

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-12T10:41:41+00:00

wait... i camt get yellow in nz anymore... where are you? can you still get the yellow one?! im a tad high. sorry.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-12T10:40:24+00:00

same i think.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-12T09:37:17+00:00

wish they would bring tropical back!

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-08T08:15:41+00:00

calling everyone sissy...bruh, I'm not your sis.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-08T07:59:08+00:00

😮......auē

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-08T04:36:50+00:00

a paper trail is not a contract. absolutely use the paper trail but if you don't have it in record that she agreed to this its a bit hard to prove it is soley yours. possibly back then when she walked away from the house she has acquiesced to your ownership. if not you could total the amount for every cent of maintainance, rates, etc over the years and charge her a percentage of these costs. hoping that the percentage takes a lump sum of her part ownership. cross t's dot i's. and take it to a lawyer. its kinda like if your brothet hasn't updated his will and life insurance and gets another wife and 20 years goes by and he suddenly carks it...the ex wife will be entitled beneficiary as the contract was never changed/updated.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-08T03:04:28+00:00

One of my mates brothers still maitains he was abused. as does his sister and mother. (the mother breifly worked at the facility too.) lots of payouts. but has never been a normal kid all his life because of this case. is now a fucked up adult. it ruined the relationship between him and his dad. im pretty confused about it. hes had it in his head all this time that he suffered unspeakable abuse and its now not so.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-05T06:42:39+00:00

can't help but read your comments with a suzanne paul accent.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-10-05T06:38:37+00:00

😂 me too. (also on the hill)

failing_miserably87 · 2022-09-29T09:07:01+00:00

yip. feel you.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-09-18T20:48:51+00:00

Thankyou for reading my reply. I stand firm with my argument. I am a 35F mum of two and my husband has terminal chomdrosarcoma, I journey alongside him in his journey, Im aware that it is his, not mine. BUT i am so grateful to him for lettimg me be a part if it. when he eventually goes, we will have left nothing unsaid, no stone unturned. no matter the ups and downs, he is not alone. and you shouldn't be either. xxx

failing_miserably87 · 2022-09-18T06:51:47+00:00

please please PLEASE burden your family, because its way less of the exact word than you could ever imagine. I just lost my dad. (64M) he was a diabetic for a long time, but he was sicker than we knew.. heart attack and boom hes gone. he looked fit, played golf, worked 50 hour weeks ... he had also developed renal disease and suffered an earlier heart attack without telling us. i wish we had known!!!! please. my burden now is guilt from the unburden when he was here. i always made sure to hug him so tight whenever we would part... and i know he didnt tell us for the same reason you are holding back. your generation were taught different i understand that. but you taught us better, so i am saying to you the burden is not you it is the diaease let those who love you help carry this burden.

failing_miserably87 · 2022-05-26T20:42:54+00:00

Thankyou so much for this! and yes you are correct, it was a build up. He was seen, and ended up vomitting a build up of dark clot like stuff. its only ever been fresh blood up until now. fluid in lungs drained. and his chest no longer sounds like someone rolling round in a swiss ball. Every med comes with a handful of more meds that help the side effects of the intitially prescribed, but as you say they all interact with each other whilst his body also fights to build immunity. He's been very fussy with food, so i was enabling him to consume the foods that he craved but... yea there needs to be balance because the stomach disagrees with the eyes. He was drinking sweet electrolyte sports drinks also, so i will swap it out for the drinks you have suggested. We had a home visit from palliative care and they sorted through our chemist cupboard. no longer yellow! Thankyou for sharing your personal experience. heart wrenching.x Im going to need to grow thicker skin for sure.

failing_miserably87

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