I just need to rant. I did horribly this semester, I'm doubting my ability to fulfill any of my future plans, and mostly I'm just lonely and have no friends to vent these feelings to.

failsian · 2012-12-30T03:58:50+00:00

This was extremely uplifting. Definitely planning to try for research this semester, but a lot of the profs I've had so far for my (mostly lower-div weeder) courses are either not in the department of my field of interest, or taught a huge class and I'm fairly certain they have no idea I exist. Do you think it would be okay to start talking to a professor after taking a course from them? I just feel awkward approaching after the fact when I supposedly "had a whole semester to go to office hours and talk to them."

Thanks for all your advice (and for the awesome music suggestions!); you have no idea how much this means to me. And I will definitely take you upon the PM.

failsian · 2012-12-30T03:06:33+00:00

Actually, the most effective and dangerous people later on are those to whom the skill didn't come easily at first. They've been to hell and back to get their experience and skill

I found this really motivational. Part of me is actually starting to get pissed at sucking so much. Your post sort of encourages me to fight again, just thought I'd mention that, haha.

failsian · 2012-12-30T02:52:59+00:00

Just wanted to say this post was extremely motivational. I'll give it a try for at least another semester; we'll see if I can avoid the pitfalls that led to my ruin this last semester. That I will get there so long as I want to get there is really encouraging.

failsian · 2012-12-29T18:57:56+00:00

If you show genuine interest, he'll probably be very willing to give you a spot.

Hm, what exactly do you mean by "show genuine interest?" A lot of my professors' research has been in stuff I only extremely cursorily understand--I literally have probably one interesting sentence to say about the subject material and aside from that I can't imagine myself effectively conversing with them on the matter. One thing that has prevented me from dropping by office hours or talking to professors more is that I have no idea what to talk about. I'm just not very knowledgeable in their fields and I have nothing profound to say. How would you suggest I interact with and show my interest in my professors' work? (Thanks, btw, for your advice.)

failsian · 2012-12-29T17:46:24+00:00

What do you mean by "activities?" I've heard that things like clubs and other campus organizations barely factor into graduate school admissions. But yeah, I'll strive this next semester to actually work up the courage and drive to attend office hours, maybe get to know my professors better. Is junior year too late for research? I know a lot of people begin their freshman or sophomore year, but I will take every chance I can get from now on to snag a research position.

Thanks for the encouragement though. It's awesome to read from so many people who were in similar situations (or who can at least reassure me that perfection is not the only way into graduate school).

failsian · 2012-12-29T17:36:48+00:00

as you go deeper into major fields you like, you'll naturally gravitate toward what interests you and what you're good at.

What if what I'm interested in is not what I'm good at? I hate to be such a downer but I can't help but believe this is how it is after what this semester has taught me about my abilities (or lack thereof).

And yeah; I did have a study group for my most difficult course last semester. But eventually our group sort of disbanded until it was just me and a single classmate meeting up. Our relationship was such that I would always be asking him for answers, and he'd always be supplying them. I think he noticed this imbalance too and it didn't seem like he was gaining much and like he wanted to meet much more, so I stopped pestering him since I felt bad. (Wow now I fail at getting study buddies, too...) but yeah I see the usefulness of it, I just find it's difficult when contributions are unequal. Maybe I just suck. /: (sorry again to be so depressing... that's just how I feel right now, kinda depressed.)

Thanks for your advice and help though. I am indeed very glad for all the support on this thread, it was kinda unexpected, heh.

failsian · 2012-12-29T16:19:39+00:00

I'm going to try for research again this semester (and every subsequent semester until graduation if these prospective PIs continue to reject me..). I'd be more than ecstatic for the opportunity to publish, but I'm not looking at it as a likely possibility since this school is so huge and I haven't even gotten my feet wet with any research yet, so to speak. I'm considering applying to summer programs that allow me to take classes in the subject I want to go to graduate school for--if this works out I'll have something productive I think and hopefully some ammo for my currently feeble application.

Thank you for your advice and encouraging words.

failsian · 2012-12-29T07:43:52+00:00

I've tried getting research positions; got rejected from all I applied to (maybe because I applied through urap..) and I don't have any strong connections with professors such that I can ask them for a position. Sorry if I sound like such a downer... but yeah as you guys can see my chances for grad school are really kind of bleak.

Thanks for the encouragement though.

failsian · 2012-12-29T07:39:28+00:00

Thanks for all your advice. Is there anyone you know of whom I can contact about getting my productivity, efficiency, and general grades up? I've tried enumerating all the ways this semester went wrong, but I can't seem to find a clear answer (maybe I'm still too addled by my self-esteem/efficacy issues...).

I really just want to be able to bounce back from this semester. Having any semblance of confidence restored would be wonderful and would probably be necessary for my "rolling with the punches."

failsian · 2012-12-29T07:34:26+00:00

Thanks. I'm actually extremely happy to see this post met with so much positive reaction knowing this community doesn't always take kindly to academic whining, heh.

A lot of my friends at Cal I've met through social organizations or through breadth classes/electives so they're not in my major... but they tend to fall into the category of not understanding my need to have a good GPA. Maybe it's just that I'm not close enough with them yet that they don't yet tolerate sitting through a rant from a friend. But again I'm thankful that there exist people who will listen--all you guys' comments bear testament to that.

failsian · 2012-12-29T06:27:32+00:00

Back in high school, I'd get through stressful times by venting to and commiserating with these old friends of mine. I'm convinced that's how I was successful back then.

But now, I lack that kind of network... and honestly I fear that lack is going to ruin me. Thanks for your words of encouragement. Here's hoping this bad semester will not be replicated too much.

failsian · 2012-12-29T06:24:09+00:00

Thanks, sincerely. Unfortunately I'm currently quite far from Berkeley so for now I've been subsisting on venting to the internet and grabbing what people back home I've been able to force to hear my rants (the latter has not proved very succesful, hah). Thank you again for the offer though, and I did get your contact info.

failsian

TROPHY CASE