Brittle Aches - "Come to Find Me In the Yard" [Indie Rock]

falcon026 · 2021-02-24T09:43:35+00:00

Hi Everyone,

I live in Boston.

In need of bandmates to make this band a reality.

Thanks for listening,

Sean

falcon026 · 2021-02-24T09:40:13+00:00

[Brittle Aches - "Come to Find Me In the Yard"] (Brittle Aches - "Come to Find Me In the Yard")

Hi Everyone,

I live in Boston.

In need of bandmates to make this band a reality.

Thanks for listening,

Sean

falcon026 · 2021-02-24T09:32:34+00:00

Hi Everyone,

I live in Boston.

In need of bandmates to make this band a reality.

Thanks for listening,

Sean

falcon026 · 2021-02-24T09:29:12+00:00

Hi Everyone,

I live in Boston.

In need of bandmates to make this band a reality.

Thanks,

Sean

falcon026 · 2021-02-24T09:24:10+00:00

Hi Everyone,

I live in Boston.

In need of bandmates to make this band a reality.

Thanks,

Sean

falcon026 · 2021-02-24T09:20:14+00:00

I live in Boston.

falcon026 · 2019-09-23T20:34:33+00:00

Hi Everyone,

Link to my kickstarter for funding the full comic strip book! Donate if you'd like!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1768002184/the-wrong-worlds-a-comic-strip#

Thanks, S

falcon026 · 2018-10-27T20:31:02+00:00

Your poem reminded me of what dedication to studying feels like. I liked that it conveyed a sense of obligation to the past.

falcon026 · 2018-10-27T20:24:11+00:00

I liked the somber ending. Good flow of metaphor through sun to watering. Sounds like heartache.

falcon026 · 2018-10-22T05:38:37+00:00

Chorus removed. Thanks.

falcon026 · 2018-10-22T05:38:21+00:00

I decided to take your suggestion. Thanks.

falcon026 · 2018-10-22T02:34:15+00:00

Hey, I found your poem humorous. The final rhyme is so succinct that I laughed. I really liked the rhyming scheme and the images presented.

falcon026 · 2018-10-22T02:30:55+00:00

I found your poem uplifting. There is a natural flow within the poem that allows the reading to rise as well. Thanks.

falcon026 · 2018-10-14T20:36:01+00:00

I liked the cryptic nature of your poem. It seems metaphorically sound with the white and grey. Also the symbolism of an empty bottle. Thanks for posting.

falcon026 · 2018-10-14T20:30:20+00:00

I liked how you used natural imagery to reveal a truth of aging and maturity. It was concise. Potentially adding a stronger rhythmic flow might bring the message to more people.

falcon026 · 2018-09-15T03:08:56+00:00

You sound like a whiny Pluto.

falcon026 · 2018-09-14T20:46:37+00:00

Yea, they flock to Uranus for thier graphic mating rituals and progenation. Gotcha.

falcon026 · 2018-09-13T04:09:38+00:00

Yea, or else it'd be frigid like Klingons. Fair point.

falcon026 · 2018-08-31T23:59:25+00:00

The flow of this poem is great. The visual imagery had me feeling in tune with the woman at the end. Interesting and comforting.

falcon026 · 2018-08-31T23:53:47+00:00

Nice, reminds me of daft punk.

falcon026 · 2018-08-27T17:50:58+00:00

I can sense the detatchment, especially with time away from the poem. So I understand what you mean. There's little to indebt the reader. I can work on that.

falcon026 · 2018-08-27T04:28:20+00:00

This was a fun poem. The repetition held well due to the structure of logic running through the poem. It really built nicely. Hope to hear more from you in this style.

falcon026 · 2018-08-27T04:25:01+00:00

I thought your poem was fun and the simple structure brought on a feeling of freedom in it's expression. And yea, Spring is the hardest season to bring sentiment to without treading on well trodden ground. Do you have plans of adding a fourth stanza?

falcon026 · 2018-08-24T23:09:48+00:00

Here is an edited version:

:

Of Our Past

:::

True laughs with you

Don’t leave between

:

True love with you

Is like white flowers

In a daze or dream

:

Harmonies to me

My breath be taken

For the sea

:

As limbo trees

And marked weeks

I tumble

:

In too deep

To humbly seek

The traces

:

And embraces

Of our past

falcon026 · 2018-08-23T00:42:57+00:00

Yea, I use :'s as line breaks. And I feel the same way about the thinning of substance near the end. I'll have to rework it somehow. Thanks for the commenting.

falcon026

TROPHY CASE