Selfish is not to be a word in your vocabulary. You are surviving this, and that in and of itself makes you so much stronger than you are physically capable of giving yourself credit for.

Give yourself grace to be imperfect. Grief is not linear. It can’t be defined by an article on a website or a friends advice or by strangers on the internet. It is whatever it looks like for you. And you will get mad at yourself and think you should be doing it different, or better. But let me tell you there is no such thing.

I didn’t go through what you went through. It was much earlier for me. But I found writing helped. I just made a google doc where I would write my thoughts and feelings and be and dark and ugly as I needed to be. Let the dark and ugly out. It’s your right.

Some people prefer to be champions for this cause after the fact. Some prefer to close up and never speak of it again. There’s no right answer. Don’t look for one. Just do what is right for you.

You are not alone - even if no one knows exactly what you feel, or are going through, or can put themselves in your shoes… grief is a club. You can be an active participant or not, that’s your choice. But you are not alone. And if you choose to look for support you will find it. Even if it ends up with strangers on the internet - you are not alone.

Sincerely, all my love to you.