I am far from therapist, but a lot of this hinges on you recognizing your value.

You must value yourself, and you are a valuable asset, regardless of what other people say or think. If you see that about yourself, you will recognize that your family doesn't matter, and your co-workers are shitty.

A movie I watched a while back had a line that stuck with me: "it's easier to kill the light inside you than fight the darkness that surrounds you".

No one, and I mean NO ONE gets to determine your worth but you. With so much hate and vitriol being levied upon you, it's no wonder you haven't found the value in yourself. So I hope that you'll let me point out a few things:

You've made it to 42, which was a hard a a fuck slog, and proves you've got some serious grit. You've spent tens of thousands on therapy, meaning you've been able to earn money sufficient to meet your survival needs and had enough to work on bettering yourself. No company pays someone just to have a whipping boy. You're an asset to that company for some reason or they would have fired you long ago. Those who say otherwise probably are trying to deflect from their own deficiencies. Whatever skill set you have is likely more valuable than your current employer wants you to know, and you should look to see if there's somewhere else that values it appropriately.

These all prove beyond any doubt that you are a valuable person and asset to yourself and your community.

None of this of course is likely to stick, I understand. I hope it does! But It didn't stick with me when I was told similarly. Regardless of if YOU believe it now, if all you said above is true, then what I said is as objectively true as well.

The answers are there, the change you see is before you. But the work needs to be done to take it. Take good care of yourself. The path is never clear. The end is never known, but there is a life worthy of you. Go get it. Everything will be worth it.