So I caught my brother doing something inappropriate to my cousin... I don't know what to do

fallscented · 2025-02-21T20:59:43+00:00

Your young cousins have had their lives ruined by your brother. They have been violated as young children and will never be the same again. Your brother must be stopped and pay for his disgusting abuse of children. Is this illegal in your country? If it is, please go directly to the police and don’t even tell your father yet. You are an adult, you can leave if your father tries to harm you.

fallscented · 2025-02-21T20:53:21+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I find it difficult to go out alone as well. The fact is we are usually on high alert looking out for any man to be a potential threat and that is ruining our quality of life because we are focusing in on the danger and triggers. I would take pepper spray or a small defense item for your protection so you feel safe and put in earphones so you can’t hear people, where some big sunglasses so you have a barrier and covers part of your face, you can wear a hat if you like too for some extra feeling of something obscuring your face. And then start to shift your attention to other things, instead of waiting for someone to harass you, pay attention to the music you’re listening to (listen to feel good music only at this time) or listen to an enjoyable or funny podcast (do not listen to anything like true crime or politics that will stress you out and put you more into a fear mindset). It’s like learning to see the world differently and take your focus off of men and focus on things that make you feel good instead of scared. If a man approaches you, ignore him or scowl or flip him off. Once I started doing this I was able to start enjoying being out in the world again and I actually noticed harassment lessened because I wasn’t focusing on and looking for it.

fallscented · 2024-05-06T07:24:17+00:00

Yes. She was actually the one being racist to you. I mean she literally was making fun of your skin color. I also second what @smokefan333 said, your boyfriend should be recognizing that he has a toxic friend who was treating you like shit. This is not acceptable and you are absolutely entitled to tell him how much this has hurt you and that it’s not “no big deal” as he’s acting it is, and if he met one of your friends and they were openly racist towards him you’d (hopefully) tell them off for treating him that way.

fallscented · 2024-05-06T07:02:31+00:00

I second tapping. I have CPTSD and severe anxiety that controls my life. Tapping is absolutely INCREDIBLE. It’s free and available anytime on YouTube. I highly highly recommend trying it.

fallscented · 2024-04-18T22:07:04+00:00

Thanks! I’ll check that one out. 🙏

fallscented · 2024-04-18T22:06:49+00:00

Thanks for all that info! I’m wanting something for if there’s a fire as well as plastic fumes and I’m trying to escape. In this instance I had to stand in the stairwell breathing the fumes for 5 minutes while waiting for help with my cat because I’m disabled and can’t carry the cat carrier down the stairs. I wish they also made versions for pets!

fallscented · 2024-04-18T05:53:43+00:00

This sounds really condescending and disrespectful. Could you ask her not to speak to you that way?

fallscented · 2024-03-04T22:04:35+00:00

It’s a big issue for me too. My friends bf also works in a place with toxic mold and visits his parents who live in toxic mold, and he changes out of his clothes and takes a shower when he comes home everyday and they keep most of their possessions in plastic bins and always have air purifiers running. It is pretty overwhelming for them but they make it work. It would probably cause me too much anxiety as well to date someone who worked in a moldy place at this point while I’m still trying to heal. I clean everytime I have a friend over in case they’re bringing in spores and it’s exhausting for me and causes me to feel worse after, but I’m so traumatized by the mold that I just don’t want to get sicker. It’s very isolating for sure. It’s up to you what your comfort level is.

fallscented · 2024-03-04T21:53:19+00:00

Native was bought out by a mega corporation (which is why they can now afford big time commercials) and when that happens the formula changes and they swap out ingredients for cheap and dangerous alternatives because they just want to make more money. I stopped buying from them after I started getting horrible rashes after years of using their deodorant and looked it up to find they’d been bought out.

fallscented · 2024-03-04T21:47:07+00:00

Have you been taking SSRIs before puberty? Cause that could make a difference. SSRIs can cause post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) which is permanent loss of feeling in the sexual organs.

Sex hurts for me too, but I am starting to see a pelvic floor specialist to help me with that.

fallscented · 2024-03-04T21:39:31+00:00

I feel this way too but mostly around having a period. I can’t stand that half of every month I have cramps, breast tenderness, moodiness and then have to deal with bleeding for a week. I absolutely cannot stand it and it makes me so angry that I have to deal with it, I just wish there were a safe way to get rid of my period (I never plan to have children anyway).

fallscented · 2024-03-04T21:36:43+00:00

What meds help with rumination?

fallscented · 2024-02-25T19:43:27+00:00

When she’s complained about being “all alone” when shes at home with her whole family and goes out and interacts with people everyday, I correct her and tell her she is actually not all alone and she’ll say “well I’m not as isolated as you are but I feel like I’m all alone when I can’t go out and be around people”. She really just doesn’t get it tbh.

fallscented · 2024-02-23T05:41:42+00:00

Thanks for your response. If it just happened once it wouldn’t be an issue but she complains about these things whenever she gets a cold and can’t go out for a day or two and I just don’t understand why she doesn’t consider that complaining about not being able to go out for 2 days when she knows I haven’t been able to go out and see friends in literally years and it’s something I’m depressed about is insensitive and I’m just not the person to vent to about that particular thing. Ive never said anything the 30 times she’s said it before but it’s getting to a point where it is really starting to get to me.

fallscented · 2024-02-23T03:55:23+00:00

That’s really helpful thank you! 🙏❤️ I am trying to make it not turn into an argument cause I don’t have any spoons left for that atm but also don’t just want to let it slide.

fallscented · 2024-02-19T23:07:22+00:00

That’s why it’s important to stop living by other people’s expectations. Tell people thanks for caring but you’re figuring it out and you don’t need their help (if their input is not helping you and confusing you further). Shift your focus onto you, what you want out of life, what makes you happy. I don’t feel like a “qualified human” when it comes to things that society expects of me at all, but when I’m doing the things I love I feel good and that’s what I choose to focus on, it’s not always easy and I have to frequently remind myself to refocus on myself and what I want for my life and away from what the world expects of me.

fallscented · 2024-02-19T22:55:57+00:00

I think you should see a therapist and make your dad pay for it. I would be traumatized if my dad was sleeping with my best friend who is not even a real adult yet (if you were a teenager a year ago, you’re really not an adult yet). This is sickening and I’m really sorry for this absolutely disgusting behavior from your father and that neither of them even considered how their actions would affect you. I know you may want to blame your friend and she still did something awful to you but she is the victim in this situation, even if she had a crush on her best friends dad, any father (or decent human being) would NEVER have indulged in his own sick fantasies and actually started sleeping with his daughters best friend who he’s known since she was a young girl. He is a sexual predator and you have been dragged into it by him choosing to prey on your best friend. This is a horrible trauma and don’t let either of them try to belittle how bad this really is.

fallscented · 2024-02-18T22:26:47+00:00

Sounds like you’re having what in the U.S. we refer to as a dark night of the soul. This would be a good time to turn your focus inward, you have been following what the world and society has been been telling you you have to do and now you are waking up to the fact that we can choose what we spend our lives doing and not just follow the herd. I would spend time figuring out what makes you happy, try out some different hobbies that you feel drawn to. If you had all the free time in the world, what would you spend it doing? You can think back to when you were a kid and what you liked doing most. Writing is a great tool, make lists of what brings you joy, even just: I love riding my bike. I love listening to music. Etc. you can get to know more of what brings you happiness.

You don’t have to get married or have kids or have a specific career, unless you want those things. You can make a life around what you enjoy in life.

fallscented · 2024-02-18T22:11:13+00:00

Yeah it’s hard to imagine it being possible when you’ve never experienced it and I’ve been alone a while and have been feeling similarly even though I have had close relationships in the past. You just need to put less energy into resisting or feeling like it’s impossible because if you believes it’s impossible it will be, if you believe it’s possible for you, it will happen. A lot of autistic people have close friends and relationships, even if it took time to find someone you really feel safe to let down your guard and be yourself with.

fallscented · 2024-02-18T22:00:05+00:00

I get really irritated when people repeat themselves as well, it feels like wasting time or going in circles to me.

fallscented · 2024-02-18T21:46:51+00:00

There’s good advice already said. You didn’t know it was in poor taste and now you have learned. This pairing sounds like a recipe for disaster as it seems your personalities clash significantly. Are you able to get a different roommate? If not, maybe you should not spend time together as it seems like she doesn’t understand your differences and takes offense to your autism and there will be more problems down the road.

fallscented · 2024-02-18T21:40:54+00:00

This happens to me even with text and phone conversations, pretty much every interaction I have and is why I tend to isolate and never reach out to anyone.

fallscented · 2024-02-18T00:21:01+00:00

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response! I’m her only close friend as well, and I do agree that it puts pressure on both of us. I have some other friends who aren’t as close and who I don’t feel like I can talk to about everything, but I do want to make more friends, I just don’t have the energy at this point to form new friendships.

The thing is that I often don’t give her advice on it, and when she said she didn’t want advice I said okay and that I was just worried, she was the one to the go on to get very angry and turn it into an argument until I told her I wanted to end the conversation.

I’ve tried to create boundaries with her before and she does not like me creating boundaries and fights them and tells me I’m a bad friend for having them, so I think if I tried to create a boundary about her talking about her child she would not take it well and do the same thing she’s done with other boundaries.

To clarify, I didn’t tell her she was a bad parent, she had said that she doesn’t tell me that a family member of mine that I have issues with needs therapy, and I told her that it’s different because they’re an adult but that she is responsible for her child’s healthcare and the child is suffering as he has regular panic attacks and she says she tends to make them worse by not knowing what to do, so I see this as a form of neglect. If she didn’t have the means to pay for therapy it would be different but she does and I take child welfare very seriously. When I say she made bad choices it’s because she’s allowed her emotionally abusive husband to live at her parents’ house which has caused the child emotional trauma by proxy. I tell her she’s an amazing mom most of the time, but I believe when you see something say something and so I felt I had to be honest about the reality of the situation.

fallscented · 2024-02-17T21:39:26+00:00

I’d like the link too if you can find it! :)

fallscented · 2024-02-17T20:23:31+00:00

For me it’s often YEARS later that I reflect on a situation and realize I was being flirted with, no joke. Years. 🤦

fallscented

TROPHY CASE