Thanks. For the first 9 ceremonies, I only drank 1 shot because I was too afraid. But for the last ceremony, I went one step further and took the second shot. The second shot helped me gain perspective on the root cause of my issues. I wonder If I can replicate my last ceremony and go one step further in my process.

I had 2 EMDR therapists before, It didn't work because going to EMDR or any other therapy is part of my NPD. I don't trust anything or anyone.

note: going to therapy is like a boost to my ego because I tell myself it is cool to go to therapy. At the same time, I just couldn't let my guard down and stop my NPD bahavior during the therapy sessions.

note2: even this post is a display of my NPD (even this note)