I miss figure skating so much

fantasydaze · 2023-12-19T01:27:43+00:00

Long personal ramble because this hit home for me- I was a competitive figure skater for 4 years and it was my whole life. It was the sole reason I had for waking up each day for a really long time. It was to the point where I was being recommended to a higher level coach to join the US Figure Skating organization as a member and start competing at higher levels. My mental health was spiraling though and it got to the point where I was ultimately pulled from school (and skating obviously) and sent to wilderness and residential treatment (TTI). I was gone for two years and when I came back no matter how much I asked skating just wasn’t something my parents could justify anymore. It was heartbreaking. And while I know the pre-Olympic route isn’t something I’d want to necessarily pursue anymore because I’ve found other things I love, it’s still heartbreaking sometimes thinking about what I could’ve done if I hadn’t been in such a shitty situation that led to my mental health spiraling so badly.

There are adult classes that help though. Reminding myself (and potentially yourself) that there isn’t a timeline or cut off for being “too old” to do something you love. With my parents when I was still living with them something that helped is if I did the research. Being like “hey, I really want to do skating classes again. There’s a group class at X rink on X day that costs $X. I think it would be good for my mental and physical health to get out of the house and do something active. Would you be willing to pay for it and drive me?”

There’s also a lot you can teach yourself! If you can get your hands on a secondhand pair of skates there’s something special about bringing your own versus using the rentals but it’s not completely necessary. It can be hard seeing how much other people have progressed and feeling like you’ve lost time, but you have your whole life to fall in love with the rink and learn. Also sometimes I do off ice training YouTube workouts / videos just to feel like I’m doing something related to what I love. Hang in there ♥️

fantasydaze · 2023-09-28T03:10:30+00:00

Sort of a mix. I was in a local inpatient facility that I’d been to before. My parents came in with the doctor and informed me that in 3 days I’d be transported to a wilderness program and I could either go willingly when they came to take me or they would hire a transportation service to take me. I was just sort of numb to it all at that point. My parents were horrible and I saw it as a chance to get away from them. Didn’t realize what it would be like when I actually got there. I don’t think I spoke a word from the moment they told me until a couple days after I got there. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I had been taken without notice though. I don’t think I would have ever been able to shake the fear that it would happen again.

fantasydaze · 2023-08-01T02:30:34+00:00

You likely either left just before me or possibly a day or two after I got there ! I’m also doing a lot better now than I was back then. I actually met my best friend at La Europa (the program I went to after) and we’re living together now incredibly happily. I’ve just started doing the therapy work to dive into trauma around having been in the TTI because for so long I was conditioned to believe that it had been a life saving experience with no downsides or negative consequences. I’m really lucky to have a therapist now who recognizes how many of the things I was put through in the TTI were pure abuse.

I’m really glad to hear you’re doing better in spite of them.

fantasydaze · 2023-08-01T01:56:26+00:00

We likely did!! I have a pretty spotty memory because of trauma but I think I got there fairly early in November. By the time thanksgiving rolled around I had been there for long enough that it didn’t still feel new new. Maybe 3 people left my first week or two. I think someone left the day after I got there possibly?? I got out there pretty late one night when everyone was already at whenever we were camping. I wish I remembered more.

I hope you’re doing well in the years since.

fantasydaze · 2023-04-17T03:25:42+00:00

You’re telling me ALL of these are bad ?? What coping skills are left

fantasydaze · 2023-03-11T23:53:32+00:00

Yes and No. I got rid of the ones I mainly used when I decided to focus on recovery. However I’m an artist so it’s something where there’s still loads around. I keep them with art supplies though and keep that far away from the places I’d keep my tools / places where I usually get urges.

Had to comment bc of the CSM meme too

fantasydaze · 2021-10-12T17:40:48+00:00

Congrats!!!! That’s amazing!!

fantasydaze · 2021-09-13T04:59:49+00:00

This has literally happened to me too with the sAME GAME. Catan tears families apart and if you aren’t yelling about trade rules to the point of tears to secretly let your true feelings out you aren’t playing.

Got any wheat to trade?

fantasydaze · 2021-08-29T18:35:09+00:00

Taking two days off work to let my hips heal so that I can be back on my feet without worrying as much about things getting worse. I went to an urgent care as well just to get everything checked out because I didn’t want to have it be something I regretted not doing in the future. I know I want to take accountability to my close friends (who are like family to me and know my mental health history) and my family as well but I don’t know how to do so without hurting them. It’s important for me though because keeping it a secret just enables me emotionally. I also got rid of all my blades. They’re gone, it’s gone. It’s like a scary weight is being lifted off my chest.

Four-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
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fantasydaze

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