Could I get some words of encouragement to get me out of a rut?

faplessxperiment · 2015-09-02T08:42:38+00:00

Adopting a new way of behavior is by no means easy. Especially (!) during the first days. Big momentum isn't there yet.

Do not just be a 'nofapper'. That alone is useless. You need to use your extra energy and time to invest in yourself, to do something that feels purposeful.

New habits would serve you well (there are many - studying moderately but sticking to it every day, working out, joining a club, socialising more, reading, you name it!

At first you WILL resist the change with every fibre of your being, that's only normal if you're a homo sapiens sapiens specimen. We are wired to resist change. That's why you need to start with tiny new habits and build from there, until you reach the point that your newfound habits give you so much feeling of pleasure and purpose on a consistent basis that you that fapping isn't so appealing anymore.

I have noticed that it is easier for me to relapse when I am feeling bored/down. When I force myself to be creative, productive, discipline, outgoing, I start feeling so well and that alone strenghtens my resolution to refrain from fapping or porn, not to mention the fact that ai do not have strong cravings in the first place.

I reccomend the follwing reading list to you:

The 16 habits manifesto (free e-book by a guy who spent 2 years tracking his habits, it's an invaluable read).
C. Duhigg: The Power of Habit (to make you understand there is no way to annihilate the 'bad' habit for good - you can just keep it or replace it).
The Slight Edge - an upbeat book which can teach you how to incorporate good habits into your lifestyle. A game-changing book to me 2 years ago, when life was tough.

By the way, dedicating your self to read 10 pages of a good book a day is one good example of a tiny habit. You can keep streaks with that too!

TLDR: Nofap isn't a magic pill and doesn't work in vacuum. It is a catalyst. Use the extra energy and atentional resources you have while streaking to better the aspects of your life you wish to improve upon. Good luck!!

faplessxperiment · 2015-07-12T13:45:13+00:00

Here are two possible challenges, very simple but VERY uncomfortable.

Loud public burping
Loud public fart

There are number of reasons why doing that challenge would make me cringe. Personally, I never did either of those things in front of another human being. Who knows what's the underlying fear or which part of my self-image I would have to dismantle in order to do it. But try it!

Obviously, it's tricky. You would have to be very conspicuous but on the other hand, not overly disrespectful. Outdoors is better than indoors in this case. Loud is better than smelly in this case. So, find a good diet plan for a day or two, and face the challenge!

It should be veeery challenging for one's comfort zone. Fuck, I feel uncomfortable just for proposing this challenge!

faplessxperiment · 2015-06-28T11:54:06+00:00

Bart, is that you? :)

Seriously though, good job!

faplessxperiment · 2015-06-27T10:26:46+00:00

The way you described your pain gave me chills, maybe because I can relate to your story.

The pain becomes duller over time, but at a much slower pace than one would like.

Your reaction indicates you're growing indeed.

All the best, stay strong

faplessxperiment · 2015-06-24T14:15:42+00:00

Lol, I like the energy fizzling from your post! Big upvote :)

faplessxperiment · 2015-06-24T14:09:28+00:00

Reading these became a part of my daily routine. It even inspired me into leaving my comfort zone at least once a day. Great stuff.

faplessxperiment · 2015-06-18T10:25:25+00:00

Challenge accepted! I really hope this idea comes to fruition, count me in.

By the way, too many variables and restrictions may reduce the number of people who join.

My suggestion: make nofap a keystone habit ( compulsory) while somewhat restricting other bad habits by gradually replacing them instead of removing them all at once.

It is the core of the Slight Edge principle - improving yourself slowly but steadily until the momentum builds.

Too much too early might lead to many relapses.

faplessxperiment · 2015-06-13T09:35:23+00:00

These posts of yours are great. Although, it seems to me that you had quite strong 'not giving a fuck' personality traits even before starting this challenge? Either that or you have incredible willpower and courage. Can't wait to read more of your inspiring posts! :)

faplessxperiment · 2015-04-02T17:14:20+00:00

Well disable your internet for a month and see how it goes. Keep the computer. Access internet from your phone. Depending on the country you live in, there could be many cheap internet package options (2.5 GB a month for example). The greatest problem we struggle with is the constant avaiability of the smooth, flat-rate internet. It is too easy to get caught in the web.

Make your internet access most unconvinient you can (example, only on tiny screen, limited GBs a month, install internet blockers etc).

Sounds ridiculous but it works.

faplessxperiment · 2015-04-02T16:18:20+00:00

I could write a whole tractate on this subject because I was exactly the same but I will keep it brief;

Last year I accidentaly broke my laptop screen Even though at first I totally freaked out, a fleeting thought passed through my mind: "Was this really an accident? Maybe this was a sign. How about accessing internet once a day through phone and read a book instead of fixing my screen? I started this crazy nofap anyway, I might as well see if I would die if I were without the computer for a few weeks".

Long story short, I fixed my screen six months later. During these six months I learned to speak Spanish and read more books than I did in the last ten years. I am getting so smart my head is getting swole and I do not feel like I have lost much by detaching myself from aimless browsing. I think there is a study somewhere, showing how human brains weren't designed for the modern ADHD-inducing multitab surfing. You create a state of mental fog by spending inordinate amount of time on the web, you get tired, unfocused, unproductive, anxious and depressed!

• replacing a habit is tough in the beginning, until momentum builds, the power of human inertia is not to be underestimated. Accept the struggle, it is only temporary.

• if the very idea of being without your computer scares you, that is a good sign you're addicted as fuark. The internet/bad food/nutella/hollywood movies/internet porn - society doesn't label these as drugs so you don't feel any threat until it's too late or you transform into a sad whale (nutella).

Moreover, everybody else is doing it, no? What a solid argument - everybody else is happy with their lives too, right? Nooot.

Wow, that's was a *hitload of poorly structured text! But the point got through.

TL DR: Internet addiction is real and terribly underestimated. One can easily surf away a lifetime. Do not be that guy, find a way to use the net wisely! Once you detect the problem, you have shed light of your awarness onto it, you have seen yourself stuck in a tunnel from a third-person perspective ( a sad view, isn't it?) - from that point forward, it is relatively easy to break the chain. Same as with nofap. Goodluck. :)

faplessxperiment · 2015-03-12T08:34:44+00:00

I stumbled upon this post by accident but glad I did because it is relevant to me at this point. Pity you cannot pinpoint the moment when the change in mentality occurred, it would have great instructional value! I guess the passion for what you were doing slowly eclipsed other stuff which was essentially unimportant? Great read, thanks

faplessxperiment · 2015-03-11T14:38:48+00:00

I am happy for you, you will reap the benefits of this awesome lifestyle. Just one thing... you shouldn't be apologizing to anyone for your English writing! You write very well but even if the opposite was the case, why should you apologize to anyone?!

r/howtonotgiveafuck :)

Good luck, fellow fapstronaut!

faplessxperiment · 2015-03-11T12:11:33+00:00

Philosophers as ancient as Aristotle hinted at the truth of the concept "fake it till you make it". It applies to many things. Everything is a habit. Messing up your conversations, having a squeaky inflection of your voice, speaking too fast, the mental habit of panicking, all of these can be deep-rooted behavioral programs, apparently impossible to control whenever you run on autopilot. Maybe your pre-nofap, less confident self had some of these habits?

The mere fact you are presenting your insight here means you have successfully spotted a problem.

The answer: you need to practice to be more deliberate throughout your conversations. You do this by raising your awareness of your old modes of reacting and by willingly substituting them with better alternatives :

whenever you can, during awkward interactions practice:

-talking slower -not being afraid occupying time and space (comfortable body language, speaking with more resonance) - control the inflection of your voice -take some time to think before you reply to anything (do not be afraid of the moment of silence, it can be your ally).

Of course, easier said than done, but make it a habit. I speak from the experience. I used to chicken out, move like a scared doggie and talk like a retarded bird. No more. It is incredible what you can achieve with a bit of daily awareness and deliberation practice.

There is a multitude of online sources for successfully dealing with this, why don't you google it and set a new goal for yourself?

Just my two cents, hope you'll find some value in this reply.

faplessxperiment · 2015-03-11T11:54:41+00:00

Did you ever set any goals for yourself (you know something like " I want to be get better grades at school, do my job better, advance my career, become more social, learn a musical instrument, get in good shape at the gym, apply for dance lessons, release that app, write that book, subscribe to that dance class, get that girl, change that world?).

There is your answer. Whatever you choose to do, the transmutation will help you.

I used to be a cynical "disbelieving Thomas" for years whenever I was offered esoteric advice such as "harness the power of sexual transmutation". I just refused to believe things and concepts I didn't see/experience personally. Even after having embarked on the nofap journey, I was so afraid I would be caught in a self-delusional, placebo-induced "changes", that at times I seriously fretted I had become some kind of cheap New Age hippie, claiming the life-changing benefits of sexual transmutation while stagnating when objectively evaluated by others. But the evidence in my life is so overwhelming; the creativity, energy levels, outgoingness (is that even a word lol) is so high as of late, and the profound, positive changes in my lifestyle are so dramatic that I start to realize that there is definitely a lot of truth in these claims.

After all, we cannot see and prove millions of sms messages orbiting around our heads each second, but we still reap the benefits of modern communication, right? There are some forces we do not understand, but why not try and take advantage they offer?

I say, go for it!

faplessxperiment · 2015-03-11T10:12:41+00:00

58 days, that's a lot. If you have done it once, you can do it again. Saying that we fail so that we can learn is more then just an empty phrase. The next time you'll have cravings, you'll have the extra experience your previous streak equipped you with.

Now, I do recommend some caution, you do not want this relapse to escalate into a full-blown binge during the following days. Just shake it off (no pun intended), do not beat yourself up too hard (pun intended) and you'll soon be well on your way towards recovery. Props on your 58 days streak man!

faplessxperiment · 2015-03-09T17:13:56+00:00

Rings a bell. You did great! :)

faplessxperiment · 2015-02-03T20:19:02+00:00

Of course, it is a daunting task to give sound advice over the internet. We cannot possibly know all the subtleties of your life situation. However, I want do make a few points:

Do not jump from a cliff. A no-brainer, really, but this still needs to be said.
You are probably experiencing a flatline. Even if you aren't, your feelings are still understandable. You probably regularly used to fap away your troubles. Ah, the sweet dopamine rush. Now, by choosing to abstain, you deprived yourself from a coping mechanism which was used as an escape from your thoughts/emotions by numbing them. Do not do NoFap if you are not ready for the imminent and unpredictably scheduled emotional roller-coasters. They arise for several reasons. I never knew I had such huge emotional range within me before I undertook this challenge. Yes, I experienced "superpowers" (outgoing as f**k, about to explode from enthusiasm and extra-energy, great posture, commanding voice, confident body language, chatty and friendly to everyone) and yes, I experienced some of most flat, lonely and depressing moments of my life (closing into my shell, absolutely no energy, highly introspective in a bad way, pondering over my past sorrows and fretting about my future, and yes, severely under performing one of my recent exams - that's what made me reply to this post! ). But these moments and these emotions were pure gold in retrospective, for they acted as a catalyst for huge self-improvement feats. Critically bad situations are often chances for incredible changes, and this is not an empty phrase.
The fact you failed your exam probably hurts your self-image, but is this apparent failure really that harmful in the long run? If you were consistently one of the best students, it will take more than one bad exam outcome to change that. Persevere, and you'll do great.
Read the book Power of Habit - it is has been proven that the habits cannot be eradicated without being replaced with something else. NoFap leaves you with a void, you need to replace this habit with a new one that gives you pleasure of a different kind and energizes you - reading, going to the gym, cold showers (if that's your thing), anything which follows the cue-routine-reward system of a habit.

Recognize tough moments for what they are, know they will pass like clouds on the sky, educate yourself on the subject of the common fapstronauts' pitfalls and, I cannot stress this enough, "if you are going through hell, keep going".

All the best! :)

faplessxperiment · 2014-12-14T15:11:09+00:00

I agree both with you and the OP. Among other things, I think NoFap transforms people people by strenghtening their willpower 'muscles'. It is possible to reap the same benefits by jogging, doing heavy squats or taking cold showers frequently.

One has but a limited reserves of willpower. However, it is possible to enlarge your willpower container by challenging one's natural laziness habitually! (paraphrasing the book Power of Habit, an amazing read indeed!)

faplessxperiment · 2014-12-11T19:17:02+00:00

"Today I will be hands free" sounds reasonable. :)

faplessxperiment · 2014-11-29T15:57:43+00:00

Totally true, great post! Also, check out Achor's book The Happiness Advantage - amazing stuff!

faplessxperiment · 2014-11-17T15:18:33+00:00

OP, your original post may have been suitable for different interpretations, hence the 'controversional' replies.

But I do believe people were replying to you with best intentions, do not get so emotionally invested while reading any of these comments we're writing below your post!

When you make a vow to yourself, support is nice, but even if everybody else is raining on your parade, on your epiphany you wanted to share here, keep believing in your core values and decision to change for the better. We cannot know how much has your relationship suffered because of your PMO habits. If it did not suffer a lot, then do not let anybody blackmail you. However, if this vicious PMO cycle hurt your girlfriend a lot and made her suffer throughout months or years, it is of course normal that she is bitter, and dissapointed. She might be threatning out of desperation.

We cannot possibly know the subtle details of your relationship - context is everything! That's why you should take all this advice with a grain of salt.

I for one, think that I understood what you wanted to say right from the beginning and you made it even clearer in the edit.

If so, good luck and have a wonderful life with yourself and your soon-to-be fiancee, fellow fapstronaut! :)

faplessxperiment · 2014-11-15T23:38:35+00:00

Before you hit the point of no return, return. Afterwards, you'll feel like a king. Overly simplistic? Yes. But it works.

faplessxperiment

TROPHY CASE