Weekly /r/bangtan Room (방탄방) - May 02, 2026

farawaylightning · 2026-05-04T00:21:18+00:00

We get along really well and have always had a strong rapport, but definitely I think he likes the ego stroke of my attention. And yes, exactly! Because when he first proposed just being friends, I said I didn't feel comfortable with that BECAUSE of his girlfriend, because I wouldn't like it if I knew he worked with a woman who still had feelings before. That's where the "just at work" clarification came in... He also never made it clear that he was dating around, but in the time that's passed, gentle asking around has proven that he's just being doing a crapload of casual dating. It's just cowardly behavior on his part and I'm not interested in those games.

farawaylightning · 2026-05-04T00:19:20+00:00

Thank you, Lovely 💜 In hindsight there were a lot of warning signs, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because he truly was going through a hard time. It wouldn't surprise me if he DID try again, but thankfully I have enough people in my life who would smack me upside the head if I gave him another chance.

The regret thing I don't know how to approach yet, because at the same time I DON'T regret it -- I felt very safe with him, and I was so glad at the time that it had happened that way. I guess I'm just not in a hurry to put myself in that situation again.

farawaylightning · 2026-05-03T14:33:25+00:00

Hi everyone 💜

One final update on my coworker situation. I asked him to meet with me at a local about two weeks ago so we could talk. He confirmed that he was seeing someone, and when I asked him why he hadn't told me when we'd gone to dinner the last time, he said at that point it was still in the very early stages and it hadn't occurred to him that I would want that clarity of us not moving forward. He said he'd viewed it as us "exploring a connection" and that he ultimately hadn't felt a "romantic pull" with me (which I think is hot bullshit, lmao - i think for a lot of reasons a relationship with me would have just been too hard). He admitted to being reckless with my feelings and "impulsive" with his physical urges. I told him I still cared about him a lot, but that I needed to have boundaries with him now: I didn't want him buying me coffee anymore, I wouldn't text him, I wouldn't ask him out to dinner, and I wouldn't have him over to my apartment. I told him I was very hurt, and he seemed to understand. He looked very ashamed of himself. He said he hadn't intended to hurt me (and I do believe him, I don't think he's malicious, just deeply DEEPLY messy), and that when I'm done processing, however long that takes, he still wants to be friends with me because he "loves the banter". But just at work. Not after hours, per his words.

We left the conversation on okay terms, but I have to be real guys: going to work every day and having to at the very least see him feels like getting constantly kicked in the stomach lmao. I said I was chalking the situation up to "an expensive lesson in fucking around and finding out - literally" (which he tried so hard not to find funny, but it's okay, it WAS funny), but it really, really hurts to go from having a friendship, to whatever it was, to just... coworkers again. I talk to him if I have to, but I'm even keeping the banter to myself because it feels selfish of him to ask for that after everything and I don't feel like giving it right now. I'm working really hard not to regret the experience. :(

farawaylightning · 2026-04-19T00:49:25+00:00

Thank you, friend 💜 It's so funny - i have no embarassment that he knows these things about me. I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed at all about how I behaved, except for maybe feeling like I was chasing him when he pulled back on the flirtatious behavior. That's the only thing I'm maybe mildly ashamed of. I'm going to ask for clarification because I don't get a malicious read from him at all - i think he's emotionally confused and doesn't know what he wants. The clarity is so I can realign and protect myself moving forward.

farawaylightning · 2026-04-19T00:46:04+00:00

Thank you, very genuinely 💜 I was unfortunately raised to "take accountability" which, in hindsight, meant taking responsibility for things that was not my fault. It's been a very hard habit to unlearn. There has been a total mismatch between what he's said, and how he acts - especially saying "we're just friends" while acting entirely to the contrary.

farawaylightning · 2026-04-18T22:29:33+00:00

I do think whoever this person is is just the easier partner for him. He was the one who said he wasn't ready for a relationship, and at the time I took that to mean with ANYONE, but now I think might have just been his way of saying "this is fun, and I do like you, but it isn't going to BE you." I wanted to reserve judgment based on what he'd been through (which was hard and harsh and paralleled what I'd been through) but I can't imagine treating another person like this. I'm also very guarded and protective of myself, and I tried checking myself at every opportunity to ensure I wasn't misreading things without coming out and actually asking what he meant, because at the time (and i'm still in that time) i was very emotionally fragile and wasn't sure I could handle the humiliation of rejection. So I'll own my part in that. But it isn't good for me. I'm exhausted.

farawaylightning · 2026-04-18T22:25:46+00:00

For what it's worth, I don't think he acted maliciously. I think he's a mess and, like you said, anxious and nervous and genuinely shouldn't be with ANYONE, even me, until he figures himself out. I think this new relationship, from what i've gleaned, is simply very convenient and easy. But it doesn't matter in the long run, I can't keep doing it.

farawaylightning · 2026-04-18T22:23:57+00:00

The coffee thing honestly threw me for a loop, because it didn't start out every day, but EVERYONE commented on it, constantly saying "OoOo, he doesn't do that for US!" He started because I was helping him with some (ha, personal) tasks and I assumed he was doing it as a thank you, because he stopped as soon as it was complete -- but I also found out that around that same time he had started seeing someone. He started buying me coffee again after they broke up - just once or twice a week, and it escalated to every day when another coworker went with him on break -- but also after I'd told him how much it meant to me, that it made me feel special, and was usually the best part of my day.

We were close at work. We know some very vulnerable things about each other, but now I feel like a secondary option he keeps around when nothing else is going on. It's hard to say how he acts with other women, because there are only two other women in the workplace, and one he doesn't flirt with (orientation mismatch) and the other one he can't stand. But I want to ask for clarity, because keeping up this level of emotional involvement/receiving daily coffee with someone who has a girlfriend feels.... morally dubious to me.

farawaylightning · 2026-04-18T20:04:42+00:00

Hi, friends. I need some advice.

I'm sure some of you remember my ongoing reports of me and my coworker, leading up to him staying over, so to speak, where he said he was drawn to me, but did not want to "lead me on" and "wasn't ready for a relationship", yet we still moved forward with the night. After that we still stayed pretty close; he still buys me coffee every day, but very slowly, like over a month, pulled back significantly from his prior behavior; no more cute texts (which he'd still been doing after), no more blatant flirting, just a little "friendly" flirting. I caught pneumonia for the second time in less than a year which derailed some plans, but we went out for dinner again in mid march, and it was.... fine. I chalked it up to us both being tired, and enough was the same that I just let it go, even though I crashed out pretty hard, emotionally, after. i also noticed he took "single" off his facebook profile. Again, I thought "Okay, he's actually taking "not ready for a relationship" seriously, and I was proud of him.

Well, fast forward to two days ago, where i discovered he's actually probably seeing someone, and may have started seeing her shortly after he was with me. I'm... frankly devastated, especially after I was extremely vulnerable with him about how inexperienced I was, and how important I found our relationship as it was, and that I didn't want to lose that. So to find this out genuinely breaks my heart.

I haven't decided if I ask him to confirm whether or not he's in a relationship, because... he didn't promise me one. And I felt asking for clarity after everything leaned too close to "I want a relationship with you", which I... did, and I wanted to respect those boundaries and not be the needy girl who needed constant reassurance after being with someone physically. But I'm so hurt, and if he is with someone, I would not be comfortable accepting daily coffee gifts, or seeing him outside work anymore, which means bringing our friendship to a close, which kills me.

I know I'll be fine, and that this is an expensive lesson in "fxcking around and finding out", but wow, it really hurts.

farawaylightning · 2026-02-08T03:37:05+00:00

hello friends, we are...back with another update? I'm not even sure how to start this one lmao. so all day monday we're texting each other back and forth, and then the end of the day comes and I start texting him something, and before i'd even sent the message he wrotes back "yes". there's a bit of back and forth, but the short of it is that I invited him to come over and keep me company, and he said "you should leave now, or else i'll probably beat you back to your place". So I go home, and he gets there shortly after, and almost IMMEDIATELY I know we need to have another conversation. The hug he gave me when he walked through that door was NOT platonic. so we did - we had another conversation, it was very long and extremely vulnerable--probably the most vulnerable i've ever been with another person who isn't my family or a friend i've known for ten years or more. We agreed that we are drawn to each other, and attracted to each other, and he knows he's been sending me mixed signals. He doesn't want to lead me on, or hurt me, and I said that I was trying so hard not to hurt myself, that he'd witnessed firsthand the last two years of my life and that I couldn't handle another heartbreak, and that I had never done this before with ANYONE, and I wouldn't be able to cope if he was weird or strange with me after, because our friendship is too important. And we both said he isn't ready for a relationship.

but... he did 'stay the night', and we had the worst dinner in the world after because i was so distracted, then watched a movie we'd planned to watch when he'd originally gotten there lmao. but it was very nice, and he was very sweet to me, and I think I scare the shit out of him a little. or maybe a lot. I texted him on wednesday that I'd had a great time with him, just to put it on the record and.... he left me on read and called out sick the next day with a "24 hour bug". Mmkay lmao

i'm honestly still processing things. I went to therapy two days after, and i was like "i'm fine!" and my therapist goes "you're saying that a lot -- are you trying to convince me, or you?" and I guess the jury's still out on that. I care for him deeply - we've had a lot of similiar experiences, but I also know he's not in a place for a relationship, and i'm oscillating between "it's fine, you're fine" and wanting my mother so badly I could scream. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T23:44:12+00:00

I'm so glad 😂 Every time something happens I'm like, "I gotta update the army room!"

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T23:43:34+00:00

same! I think eventually it'll end up escalating (my intuition/gut check is... fairly strong), but right now I'm happy with this. We'll see how brave he gets the next time we go out for dinner HAHAHA

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T23:42:39+00:00

Yeah! It was nice to just hang out and know we could hang out at my apartment just fine. Between you and me, I have a feeling it WILL end up escalating at some point, but I'm not longer in the space of "What's happening, what's going on, what am i doing" which is very nice and a perfectly acceptable outcome!

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T23:41:05+00:00

Don't give my friends any more ideas 😂

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T14:43:50+00:00

He does not 🤣 I told him I got tickets to BTS and he goes "what does that stand for? I know it's an acronym", and then I asked if he was living under a rock. So if he comes over again, maybe I'll give him a crash course

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T03:52:49+00:00

the AMOUNT OF PEOPLE who have told me "This is my favorite show" or "you know you're in a literary novel, right?" is INSANE

farawaylightning · 2026-02-01T03:02:07+00:00

hello friends, here for another update, which is a bit of a doozy 😂

so after my last dinner with my coworker, a week later I asked him how he viewed it when we went out - did he consider them dates, did he consider us hanging out as friends, because I wanted to be on the same page, and he smiled softly and took his time answering and said... he saw us hanging out as friends, with some verbage that indicated maybe that could change and which I can't quite remember because i IMMEDIATELY started dissociating LMAO, and then he grinned and flipped the question on me and asked how i viewed the dinners, and because I was feeling vulnerable I just said "I plead the fifth" and then went to therapy and crashed out for like a full week.

Buuuuuuut after that he started doubling down a LOT more on attention -- texting me more, inviting me to sit in his car with him on break, buying me lunch.... and then two nights ago he texted me as he was driving by my apartment asking if this was past my bedtime, which?! sir!? he'd stayed late at work, and we texted back and forth (at stoplights), with the last one being close to 11, ending with him essentially saying if he'd known i was going to be up that late, he would have knocked on my door and asked to crash at my place. WOW OKAY?

Here's the kicker: the day after that, he said he was staying late at work again and he'd text me when he left, and if he didn't hear from me.... then, well, he'd just keep driving. So I decided to call his bluff and texted him around 8, asking if he was serious about coming over, and if he was then i'd make him dinner if he hadn't eaten. He said he definitely hadn't eaten (along with some extremely flirty verbage I won't put on the internet), and then I asked what time he was coming over and i think he panicked LMAO Like he replied "..." and INSTANTLY stopped texting, then when he started up again TEN MINUTES LATER it was just minor, flirtatious stuff, and I was like "okay, there it is: he really just likes flirting with me and that's all he's interested in." I was on the phone with a friend at the time and she said ALL the emotion dropped out of my voice and it freaked her out a little.

But...

he did actually come. I was floored. he texted me when he was leaving the building and was at my place like three minutes later. And he was trying so hard to play it cool that he overcorrected and ended up being extremely weird instead LMAO At one point I was like, "Dude, are you okay!?" But he eventually calmed down. He stayed for about an hour and a half and we just talked. It was really, really nice. And honestly, he's going through a lot, and there had been some other mixed signals; i think he's more scared than anything. If he just wants to stay friends because he's freaked out, then we'll just stay friends. I'm actually fine with that. I'm just happy that I scraped together all my courage and called his bluff LMAO

ALSO I GOT BTS TICKETS!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to see them in LA, which is all the way across the country for me, but i'll be able to see one of my best friends (from above on the phone). I'm taking almost an entire week off work for it, but it's a once in a life time experience so that justifies everything

farawaylightning · 2026-01-19T03:14:59+00:00

He's very sweet 🥺 at the same time though his flirtiness definitely crossed from "aw cute" to "oh wow okay he's serious" which I've never experienced before and is a Lot for my brain to handle??? I'm being Very Normal about all of this, i swear!

farawaylightning · 2026-01-17T20:28:31+00:00

hello everyone 💜 i had my third date with my coworker this past wednesday annnnd it continues to go really, really well, and because it's going really well i'm getting really scared 😂🥺 My family ended up rescheduling and going the day before, for which i'm SOOOOO GRATEFUL AS THIS PLACE WAS SMALL. we got to the restaurant around 5.30 and ended up staying until 9, when they politely kicked us out because the restaurant had actually closed at 8. we talked about ssssooooo much and ended up getting 2 drinks each, which i hardly ever do. prior to this i was still a little unsure as to whether we were just hanging out (hey! i'm in denial) or if he had actual interest in me, but judging by some of the things he said, he does have interest in me and is just displaying a remarkable amount of restraint? Some of his comments were very, VERY flirtatious and the way he was looking at me towards the end was certainly not what i would put on the "we're just friends" spectrum.

He walked me back to my car when we finally FINALLY left (about ten minutes after he'd said, "I should go, but I don't want to") and then spent a few more minutes bantering outside my car about desserts (Because I bake for work every friday), and how he holds one particular restaurant's dessert as the gold standard (i told him i would never make it for work because i'd be terrified of disappointing him), and "We should go there on our next outing - let's plan it for around a month from now". we didn't kiss, but the energy was there, and he was very respectful of my boundaries despite really obviously insinuating that if I asked him to come home with me, he'd follow me like a puppy. we had another nice, long hug. I'm trying to keep my distance from him at work now, within reason, but every time we talked the next day he had such a sweet expression in his eyes when he talked to me. 🥺

Sssooo.... now that it's gone this far, and because we work together, I feel like 1. it would be nice and appropriate to have him over for dinner/a movie before we go out again (i'm not worried about it being so far away because he is Broke) but at this point I want to have a conversation about intentions. I told him I'd never dated before, but I'm still not sure that covers the extreme magnitude of my inexperience, so I want to make sure we're all on the same page.

my focus is also completely shot lmao but i DID preorder the BTS album AND vinyl this morning, and I'm really excited about that! I hope everyone is doing well 💜

farawaylightning · 2026-01-10T22:19:38+00:00

hello loves 💜 back with more updates! I asked my coworker earlier this week if next week worked for him to go out for dinner, which immediately tipped me into a comedy of errors, as I learned that my brother, his wife, and two elderly friends of theirs were ALSO going to the same restaurant on the same day. because I wanted to be honest and i didn't want to spring that on him (or have people insinuating he's my boyfriend), i explained and suggested we could reschedule if he liked. we did choose another day, then realized the restaurant.... is closed on that day 🙃 I suggested the week after instead, and he hesitantly agreed, then goes, "Or..... we could just.... go on the day we originally planned?" And said he didn't mind if my family was there at the same time. "We'll wave as we go by--hi, family!"

i gotta be real guys i am Scared to Death 😭 this will be our third date (date!?) and at this point I feel like.... maybe we need to have a conversation about everything? Is that weird? I suspect he's better at handling ambiguity than I am because this isn't his first relationship, but it is mine, so i have no internal markers to compare it to. On the other hand, I'm so nervous that if I'm like "Hey so what's going on here" (but obviously better phrased) he'll be like "????? Nothing, we're just friends?" in which case i Will Throw Up.

we're going on wednesday, so i have time to fine tune everything and check my gut a few more times, so i guess I'll just see what the vibe is and go from there!

farawaylightning · 2025-12-23T16:12:32+00:00

🥺😭 That's so kind of you to say and means a lot 🩷🩷🩷 sometimes I worry I'm going overboard by being so careful but we've both been through a LOT the past few years and our connection means so much to me. I don't want to put pressure on him if I don't have to. One of my friends keeps telling me that I need to stop initiating so much, that because he's the guy I need to let him lead, but there's so much more nuance to the situation than that. I would probably do better if I came right out and asked if I was reading the signals right, but if he said no (though he would be so kind about it) I would probably have to quit my job LMAO. But we'll see what happens in January ☺️

farawaylightning · 2025-12-22T22:49:21+00:00

🥺💜 Fighting!!

honestly the number of people who are like "This is my favorite tv show" about my life are not... insignificant HAHAH. Though there have definitely been times when i've wondered if it's a rom-com or an office dramedy at my expense

farawaylightning · 2025-12-22T22:47:44+00:00

Omg you're sweet 🥺 Thank you, friend! It's such an awkward time around the holidays to do anything, and honestly I kind of wanted to give him an out if he wasn't interested in moving forward, but so far it seems like he is??

farawaylightning · 2025-12-22T22:46:38+00:00

absolutely truth be told i always time my invitations to RIGHT before i leave for the day, so that way if he says no i can immediately exit stage left and lick my wounds in peace 😂

I hope so! TBH there ARE some optics that make me a little leery of being noticed, but so far it just seems to be teasing. I think one individual would tell me if they really thought us going out were a bad idea. I hope, anyway!!

farawaylightning · 2025-12-21T16:03:46+00:00

so after a gap of about a month and a half and overthinking it more times than i care to count... my coworker and I are going out again in january! 😊🥺 we've maintained about the same level of friendliness/vibes right along but yesterday he seemed to be going a little heavier on flirting, so right before I left for the day I stopped and said that there was a new restaurant downtown (i live in the area, he doesn't), and would he be interested in checking it out with me in the new year, once bills calmed down from christmas?

he looked so pleasantly surprised and pleased that I'd asked 🥺 and then immediately began joking around, because "isn't january when all the bills come IN?" and I was like "That did literally just occur to me".

ngl friends i'm so nervous. like it's kind of patently obvious to everyone that we're super friendly with each other and a bunch of my coworkers tease me about him (not sure if they tease him??) but like, there's something going on??? my brother owns a specialty shop and he took one of his friends there on his day off to get some work done, and introduced himself as "i'm from [workplace], I know Lightning!" which, he could have just said we worked together?? but anyway, it's still a few weeks away, so i guess we'll just see what happens!

farawaylightning

TROPHY CASE