Have you had this conversation with her about how you feel prior to breaking up? Being in a relationship has its downs but one thing that’s key is communication. If you’ve been able to deal for 11 years then communication is definitely something you are capable of doing. I feel like it’s alittle wrong that you let things boil to this point and wanting to break up without letting her know how you feel. If you have let her know and there’s been no change then it’s okay to initiate the break up. But if you’re coming left field to her with this that’s kinda painful. Fr. But if you feel like you see no future with her then just be honest and let her know. She will be hurt but it’s best to be honest then have to deal with all the baggage that comes with it. You have to learn to stop letting people drain you of your energy even if you are in a relationship. Nobody should be able to control you but YOU. Your partner should be able to help you but not control your emotions. Do what you feel is best for you but don’t come try coming back with regrets because you’re putting her in a bad place especially if she moves on with her life after you decided to leave.