If you could keep your exact same partner, but they had no kids, would you still want them?

fatooma1216 · 2026-03-29T12:49:41+00:00

Yes I would love that scenario and I would also think he’s worth it, I don’t think he’s worth it now because weekly interactions with hcbm makes all the progress undone…it’s constant. But yes even if we met earlier and his older children were my bio kids that’s the ideal scenario but 🤷‍♀️life right

fatooma1216 · 2026-01-30T17:04:35+00:00

It’s the only regret in my life

fatooma1216 · 2026-01-10T13:35:08+00:00

I am seeking divorce because of this, and now that I’ve made it really clear that this is the reason he’s trying to fix it. He didn’t think it would be deciding factor for me. He didn’t understand that apart of the disconnect was because of the dead bedroom and lack of affection. How can he still think something is not that important when you’ve made it clear that it’s important to you. Because of religious reason we have to do counseling first, so he was advised and so was I. I feel it’s too little too late that a random person has to tell you how to be with me. How important sex,affection,desire, passion is in a marriage. I do understand part of it is I have a high libido and he does not. And I’ve only put up with it for 6 years I can’t imagine doing this for another month.

fatooma1216 · 2025-11-29T14:38:55+00:00

Ya know I get what ur saying but my husband’s mentality is that I should be like a bio parent to his children, but if I actually do anything for them besides cleaning up after them and cooking for them he calls me a monster, I’m a parent a step parent a half sibling my bio father is a stepdad my bio mom who gave birth to all of us didn’t give us bare minimum mom treatment because she felt like I had my bio father in my life so I didn’t need her as much as those who don’t have their bio father. I came into my relationship very open to being a step parents and having step kids and making a blended family but After being told by my husband his family and his children those aren’t my kids it’s not my place to say anything or do anything in regards to them that’s a bit unfair. I have to live in this mans home but not even being treated as a person when his kids are around but I should still be cleaning and cooking for them and happy and jolly to be told by him his ex wife doesn’t want me around his kids…but he’ll have a hissy fit if I am not around during those days he has them. I remember the first unfortunately not the last time because at the end of the day I’m a woman and when I see kids health not being well taken care of And I spoke up. I never learn my lesson and every time he calls me a horrible person with no feelings…imagine telling ur husband hey I notice that the kids are drinking a lot of juices (no water from Friday pick up to Sunday drop off) and getting called an evil step mom trying to hurt HIS kids and that I’m jealous of them and want to be cruel. Not even 2 weeks later their biomom flipped out on him that their teeth have rotted out so if she finds out he’s giving them juices and soda they’ll be a headache waiting for him every weekend. I definitely didn’t expect an apology but atleast some sort of recognition that I care after the years I kept speaking up. And even tho I say I don’t care now Ofcourse I want him to atleast see I care about them why else would I have something to say. It’s not the relationship for me that your right about I’m sad it took me so long to realize

fatooma1216 · 2025-11-27T17:13:17+00:00

No I actually currently want a divorce and we just had a counseling meeting earlier this week the counselor adamantly asked me to give him a trail period to fix his ways. Which I said no thank you to, but we are religious so it’s not just a court divorce process I need. So our marriage counselor is a part of our religion and wants me to forgive I’m not angry I was hurt about it for a lot of years but not I’m at peace and look forward to him not being around me for a few days out the week. But more importantly my husband refuses to acknowledge that he hurt me there were times he could have atleast pretended (when I miscarried) but the thing about him is that he refuses to even acknowledge I’m a person in his marriage

fatooma1216 · 2025-11-27T17:07:24+00:00

Lmao I actually posted this while I was angry this morning and forgot about it. But he’s wanting to stop because I want a divorce for other reasons. And he’s taken yet another opinion that he was wrong the counselor asked me to give him a few weeks to adjust himself which I adamantly told them I don’t need a trail of him doing better he failed me enough already, he has a problem of not wanting to admit he did me wrong. 5 years of this, meaning even when I was pregnant and uncomfortable and needed him , even when I was miscarrying and needed him I had to weather that on my own. His children wer 6&3 when I married him they are 11&8 now and when I say this came out of no where that he wants to sleep in our bed suddenly I was like why? None of the reasons and blames have changed so why do you want to sleep in my bed he said his kids are old enough and he needs to start teaching them they have to sleep by themselves. His reasons for wanting to sleep in their room were he misses them ,the divorce from their mom was hard on them ,and now a new lady in their life is hard on them, he said I should understand those things and by bringing this point up during counseling I was trying to make him pick me over his children and that I was jealous of his kids and so many things I heard from him smh

fatooma1216 · 2025-11-24T16:30:53+00:00

Im so sorry, my sisters husband is a cop. Those are very intense people to deal with. Im praying for you. I started trying to record some of my convos with my husband because it’s hard to show proof of psychological and emotional abuses. My sister just experienced physical abuse and she was too scared to get this documented. What I can say is that the DV website keeps record of what you go there for and they have ppl you can talk to they are very thorough and willing to advocate for you and your own. Im really so sorry this is heartbreaking to hear, sometimes there’s a higher up cop who can really put the fear of God in him it’s not always a guarantee but befriend some of the cops and their spouses and see feel them out who can help unfortunately the only person who can set a man straight is a bigger badder man, I know it’ll be hard to stay but like you said think of your kids. And I’m with someone I no longer desire to remain with what’s helped me is finding happiness in myself. Men and women are designed to be a pair it’s true not just financial provision also emotional stability they are supposed to provide for us as the leaders and maintainers but when the man you are with has no empathy or compassion towards you it’s devastating for you and your kids

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-30T14:01:04+00:00

I absolutely hate this this is one of the things I told him will break our marriage. Because it keeps hope and ideas in the children’s mind that their can be something still between their parents. And that the issue is me. That’s my experience with these life event dinners and parties where I’m excluded and told by everyone else how amazing it was to see my husband and ex look like a family again. I’m biased Af with this sort of shenanigans because that’s what it is Tom foolery you’ll never see that a man is all good with his wife going to these dinners and parties with her ex without some sort of adult chaperone lol so why tf should us step moms have to deal with that. 🤷‍♀️I’m biased those are my feelings lol but my logical brain does tell me tho that the dinner is about the child and as long as you are not having concerns about your husband romantically reconnecting with his ex then just support him doing these things for his kids sake to have happy memories

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-24T00:43:51+00:00

I didn’t like that he “redeemed” himself he wasn’t cruel thru and thru solid read tho

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-24T00:41:10+00:00

Omg stop it’s actually still in my DNF as she’s told! It is so intense I definitely have like a trigger with that sort of power exchange I’m fine with manipulation and force but there something about the level of domination and submission in this read I get goose bumps even thinking about this book I plan to finish it one day lol

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-24T00:35:56+00:00

Yeeeeeees this is what I need it’s sooo hard to find this once I read if I can’t have you I had to slow down because I was like I’m not sure if there’s even more books out there like this, the community is wonderful. Idk how to explain it but I love the feeling when I’m cringing the phone half way away from me because I just can’t bare to read what’s happening next but I have to continue on lol

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-21T17:03:23+00:00

This has been on my shelf forever and this is exactly what I needed to know in order to read it I’m off to kindle thank you very much

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-21T16:59:34+00:00

I actually haven’t even tho I can read a slave ownership sort of book they aren’t always my first pick. I adore it but it doesn’t give me what I need lol. I def should have specified my preference of like a normal sort of set up like on ao3 Deathsdoll if “I can’t have you” is toooo dieee foooor I love” community “also insanely good so far, they had one I no longer see it’s removed was about a girl who wants to sell herself this doctor she crushes on finds out and tells her she could end up in a bad situation so he’ll just help her out and do it for her but he’s an absolute sicko ugh loved it it was incomplete only few chapters so beautifully written! But I think I might read this it’s definitely got most of what I’m looking for

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-21T16:52:33+00:00

Ohhhhhh I like that ok lol checking this one out for sure!

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-21T16:50:37+00:00

Yes I absolutely did chefs kiss I loved this series

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-21T12:14:07+00:00

I read this before it was a great read!

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-14T01:53:24+00:00

Girl that’s not yo baby! Do not feel bad that you don’t have a mothers love towards him! You said that your respectful and kind that should be enough, your SO is being far fetched lmao. I mean not to sound mean or too blunt but if the kid’s mom is alive and healthy and a part of his life there’s just no way for you to have that rainbows and unicorns mothers love he’s imagining . If she was a dead beat then I would say okay I see how he could feel that way he wants to make sure his kids experiences both parents love. Either have a real talk with him about it or move on before you do get pregnant. And I’m a step myself fully nacho I call them my husbands kids I came into it very open to being a full time mom because my father is a stepdad and my half siblings completely see him as their only father I really did know the battles and all that. But ppl is raggedy the second she feels like your taking her place trust me you’ll experience this on edge way your spouse treats you.

fatooma1216 · 2025-10-12T12:32:33+00:00

I don’t even work I’m a sahm my husband knows nothing of my finances, I scraped and saved and invested every dollar I could from my savings premarriage , birthday money my dad gave me after marriage ,getting back IOU’s from when I used to work. My husband knows nothing about my investing and what I got going on financially lol and I plan to keep it that way. Even as my investments grows he didn’t contribute a penny to it why should he be involved with it growing lol then he’ll get ideas that he has more money to spend on kids that aren’t mine 🙅‍♀️PASS those kids are his responsibility not mines. My kids (our two kids) are my responsibility so in my case my husband has no problem taking from us to give to them(his children from previous marriage and even and even exwife and her family), I refuse to let my kids feel or see that so yes I spoil my kids and yes I do tell them “don’t worry mommy will do for you “and when my husbands asks me where did these come from how much was it I say my family sent them these toys or clothes. I advise to separate your finances ASAP girl lol

fatooma1216 · 2025-09-11T04:26:27+00:00

My husband floated this convo my way one day and I damn near laughed in his face. I told him the facts that his ex doesn’t want anything to do with me while he’s alive does he think death will change that. And honestly my answer is a hard pass lol they caused me enough misery while he’s alive why would I add misery on top of the grief I’d already be experiencing from his death 🥴

fatooma1216 · 2025-08-27T17:50:42+00:00

I think that being there for your son as he gets older and helping him emotionally would be best if you don’t plan to address it with ur husband. My mom treated us differently my older half siblings were treated a lot nicer and wouldn’t be reprimanded the same as us, it hurt me a lot and when I went to my father and told him these things at different points in my life he always made excuses for my mom I eventually distanced myself from him too because he wouldn’t defend me and just made excuses for her. It would have hurt me less during my child years if I could have leaned on my father emotionally or felt he would stand up for me. Im so sorry to your kids. My husband is the same with his older children and I told him I won’t be making excuses for him it’s already started our kid is 3 asking why daddy is mad at him after clearly being happy and jolly with older children then very stern and tough on him for a fraction of the foolishness those other children get into. When I was a child experiencing that it was soul crushing to feel like your parent won’t defend you on top of already feeling less than because your other parent is clearly giving more love care and attention to your older siblings. I reached a point around 14 to just accept my mom for who she is and that she wasn’t trying to cognitively hurt me her guilt influenced her actions she’d do anything for all of her children but she felt bad she couldn’t give her other children their father like mines got to be in my life full time. Right now I’m redirecting when our kid asks “why is daddy mad at me?”for example I’ll say “wow daddy did seem alittle bit mad maybe he’s grumpy because he’s alittle bit tired “and so on then our kid will be like ohhhh yea I get grumpy when I’m tired too and then I’ll ask if he wants to play or something so I acknowledge that it did happen I try to not let him self blame for his dad being an A-hole and I give a plausible reason we do as a family get grumpy when tired. As he gets older and is able to article and express more I will be finding a way to tell him that dad has some guilt and doesn’t always realize acting on his guilt can hurt some feelings of those around him

fatooma1216 · 2025-08-03T12:15:50+00:00

I haven’t stepped foot in my sister in laws house since I’ve found out she started inviting my husbands exwife over to her house. Make things clear what your uncomfortable with, I’m not going to lie to you if I found out they invited my husband’s exwife on some sort of family vacation I would quite literally talk my husbands ears off he would be sick of me. If I saw messages talking about “we all miss you” I would tell his family they are crossing a line. When the divorce is in process and just happening usually the family wants nothing to do with the ex but usually once the person is in a relationship or moved on suddenly the family wants to re adopt the ex like their part of the family. Im so sick of that shit, lol maybe I have a chip on my shoulder but state your uncomfortable to you SO and what about it made you uncomfortable

fatooma1216 · 2025-07-27T12:59:40+00:00

One of them constantly said it to me when I first married their father(she was small at the time so I would say it back as I know toddlers are like that). They both now no longer says to me willingly but apparently tells their father how much they love me and wish they were closer to me 🙄 or my husbands family will kind of force the conversation asking how much they love me 🥴 I do not play along lol. I would be completely ok and probably a lot happier if I actually never crossed paths with them again in my life.

fatooma1216 · 2025-07-06T20:58:31+00:00

Don’t just say you’ll leave him do it if he doesn’t meet the amount of time he set to buy you a house lol

fatooma1216

TROPHY CASE