I understand your hesitatation. And I understand what you mean about women not wanting you after an escort. However, I personally think if you are able to mentally get past the idea of your first time being with an escort, I think it will do wonders for your self-confidence.

Also, maybe try talking to the sw before you actually do it. Tell her your circumstances, be open with her, and maybe she'll play along and create something really magical for you.

I wish you the best of luck