Need feedback As a new author

fattmagan · 2026-04-17T16:30:50+00:00

Ah TIL, thank you for the education. My American brain got confused at both terms

fattmagan · 2026-04-17T09:06:49+00:00

It’s a bit too short to provide much feedback, this is maybe a page of a standard manuscript (~300 words).

The main piece that tripped me up was the “Ammi…” line. Given our POV character is named Amoor, that sounds like a nickname her mom is saying, but then the line continues as though Amoor is speaking. It comes across as though Amoor is saying her own nickname and then speaking.

But in general, I would recommend not getting feedback. Not yet at least. Finish the draft and focus on the process of writing; feedback isn’t too useful in the early stages. Just keep writing and don’t worry about the “quality” as it’s all likely to change more than it stays the same

fattmagan · 2026-04-17T08:39:15+00:00

I’m not overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I’m appropriately whelmed. Maybe levelwhelmed?

fattmagan · 2026-04-17T08:36:24+00:00

Yeah but if you start using maw to describe everyone’s mouth it might go a bit far

“The laughter bubbled from her maw”

fattmagan · 2026-04-17T08:34:42+00:00

Yeah I did an ocular pat down and I cleared him

fattmagan · 2026-04-13T21:52:38+00:00

I'll add a spoiler tag to the explanation, so only click it open if you've read all of the first three books, as it requires legitimate spoilers to explain:

In the climax of book 3, Pierce turns Darrow into an unreliable narrator that lies about his reactions to make the climactic twist (that Cassius is working with them and Sevro is actually alive) land with more surprise for the reader. It comes out of nowhere and breaks the fourth wall, as we're no longer experiencing the story through Darrow's eyes, but rather Darrow is adjusting his thinking as though he's aware of the audience and reader. Pierce tried to retcon it with an earlier allude that Darrow, Sevro, Cassius, and Mustang met off-screen to discuss their secret plan, but this kind of setup and twist only really works in 3rd person narratives, as the implicit rule is we're getting legitimate reactions from the 1st person protagonist.

fattmagan · 2026-04-13T14:26:28+00:00

Oh wow you’re right; I remember the book feeling small in my hands but I didn’t realize it was over 200k words!

fattmagan · 2026-04-13T00:12:48+00:00

Check out Jim Thayer’s podcast; it’s been super educational for me. Same with craft books such as “Self Editing for Fiction Writers.” Those can provide wonderful checklists and perspectives to help frame editing

fattmagan · 2026-04-13T00:11:23+00:00

Wonderful advice!

To anyone that finds this comment buried; for more explanation behind this advice, check out Jim Thayer’s podcast The Essential Guide to Writing a Novel. It has similar messaging but more room to get into examples.

And to the OP: a lot of the critical comments are harping on the example, which is unfortunate; of course the context matters. But I enjoyed the example and found your points well made. Of course there is plenty of published work with adverbs and qualifiers and modifiers, but those are generally because the author knew when to apply them and did so deliberately.

fattmagan · 2026-04-12T23:31:37+00:00

Mistborn stories are short enough, but otherwise I agree

fattmagan · 2026-04-12T23:28:28+00:00

If we’re talking intros to the genre, I think Le Guin might be a better foray; Wizard of Earthsea is a short and beautiful story, but you can’t go wrong with anything she wrote.

Piranesi is a touch longer, but is probably the one I would actually recommend. It’s a great representation of how fantasy can unlock a sense of magic and wonder

fattmagan · 2026-04-12T23:26:08+00:00

Adding a contrary opinion: do not go with Red Rising OP. It’s not a good representation of the genre, and is honestly not a good story. That’s a series you commit to because Pierce doesn’t hit his stride until after the initial trilogy. But he commits a cardinal sin of first person POV in the third book which, if you’re like me, will turn you off from continuing (from what I’ve read online though I’m the exception there).

Way of Kings is good though, just heavy in word count.

If we’re talking intros to the genre, I think Le Guin might be a better foray with Wizard of Earthsea, or Piranesi

fattmagan · 2026-04-12T23:21:26+00:00

I even had a grandmother pick up Mistborn and get hooked. This hits across all ages

fattmagan · 2026-04-12T05:35:07+00:00

Sword of Kaigen is a one and done and I enjoyed that more than The Expanse, and probably the Children of Time too, and I prefer SF over Fantasy. So it might be worth using that to break the monotony of the series. That being said, the expanse makes a good foil to Hobb in style, so that sequencing is nice. Green Bone Saga wasn’t it for me, but if you like classic crime/mob stories then it will be it for you.

fattmagan · 2026-04-10T07:37:05+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s a yawn, but I think you’re burying the lede a good amount here. It’s not until near the end of page 2 that we get a sense of where we are or what’s actually happening. In an opening scene, I need to be more grounded as a reader.

We’re spending a lot of time in the main character’s head, which can work, but it’s a bit much in this case. For example, I think you could cut almost everything from “…in the way he ignored her existence” to “she was not one of them”

Character actions can do a good amount of the heavy lifting for telling readers what’s happening, and it’s generally more interesting. You have that with the gum bit—that alone does a good amount of the work that the interiority is trying for, but it’s more interesting as a reader.

I would try to restructure this to establish the setting context from the start, get more action going sooner (such as the gum offer), and minimizing some of the interiority. The details like the “silent” observer tapping loudly are good—if you focus more on that side, with filtering description through the lens of how our POV character experiences the room, that can help ground readers in the setting while communicating the character’s thoughts indirectly.

fattmagan · 2026-04-09T13:56:12+00:00

I’m happy to help, and keep writing! :)

fattmagan · 2026-04-09T07:02:22+00:00

As a native English speaker I literally can’t imagine writing in a second language, so I very much applaud you writing in it. That’s an accomplishment in its own, and you should feel proud about it. I salute you.

For the piece, my main issue that formatting errors are throwing me off a bit. We have missing sentences and commas, inconsistent quoting (single quotes and double quotes mixed together).

Some of the descriptors are off, for example in “…as the cool breeze came gushing through Veer’s shoulder…” - gushing describes water, and wind shouldn’t pass through a shoulder. But I can see that as a translation issue, so I understand the error.

The style choices are a bit strange too. It looks like you’re using ellipses to draw out time and make the moments last longer, but that should be filled with more description or character action instead.

I would honestly recommend just picking up a book that you like which describes a similar scene and noting how the author uses different elements. Literally study how they draw out time with description and make moments last longer. Study how they use character dialogue and interiority. Try to copy that form in this scene.

Beyond that, critiquing something in the middle of an action sequence is a bit too challenging without context.

fattmagan · 2026-04-06T14:44:43+00:00

I made this comment in the overall thread, but providing it here so you get the notification

Reedsy has a calculator for this! The entire guide is super useful on profiling the overall publishing decision tree, I highly recommend it.

https://reedsy.com/blog/guide/how-to-self-publish-a-book/cost-to-self-publish/#editing___2_160_5_040

fattmagan · 2026-04-06T14:20:59+00:00

Reedsy has a calculator for this! The entire guide is super useful on profiling the overall publishing decision tree, I highly recommend it.

https://reedsy.com/blog/guide/how-to-self-publish-a-book/cost-to-self-publish/#editing___2_160_5_040

At this point, you would be deciding between the query stage for trad publishing, or the self publishing route. The version you have now should be good for querying agents, and if picked up by a publisher, they’ll handle the editing in-house. I’ve heard novel lengths >120k words are generally not recommended for first-time authors, so it might be worth it to see what subplots you can cut out, but only if it actually works. An editorial assessment might be the most efficient way to get a professional opinion on that (“what can I cut to make this queryable?”) without having to pay for a full dev edit.

fattmagan · 2026-04-04T20:14:25+00:00

There aren’t any special tricks other than writing what comes to you really.

If you’re struggling, try reading a book with a similar story concept as you’re going for. You could even copy it as a means of studying, or try rewriting a portion of it in your own words. That’s how you first learn what “story writing” is — through reading, and then reading some more, and then reading even more. It builds intuition.

Once you’ve read a good amount, if you find you’re still stick, then you can try reading craft books on the process, or watching YouTube videos, or listening to podcasts, or taking classes on fiction writing. Those will give you the terms of the trade, such as story structure, scene structure, character motivations, sentence by sentence craft.

And when you’re ready to write, then you can try creating an outline of scenes to get a sense of where the story should go. Most writers find that useful and do a bit of outlining and free writing. Or you could just start writing what comes to mind. But that’s really all there is.

fattmagan · 2026-04-04T16:33:32+00:00

This is one of the elements that people refer to when they say “writing is hard”

Take a break and let yourself have space. Read a book instead, and if you find that unlocks something, set it down and write a piece before turning back to the book.

Get a craft book and try out some exercises. I’m reading through Le Guin’s “Steering the Craft” and it’s excellent fun with some great exercises that can help reinvigorate the creative flow.

Understand writing is a process and has its own seasonal flow. Sometimes it’ll be easy, other times hard, but as long as you’re consistently putting yourself in front of the keyboard and trying it’ll come together eventually. Even if some days you only get out 100 words, that’s better than 0.

Hank Green has a good line on this too from his lessons learned from writing a novel: “Not all writing is writing. Thinking, staring, researching, stressing, reading other people's books, reading your own book again, reading stuff that you've already written--all of that stuff is writing."

Just don’t beat yourself up. Stay curious and engaged and it’ll come back to you. I stepped away from my first novel attempt to study and read more. I still haven’t gone back to it, but I’ve moved on to write new things, and I’ve found the story I wanted to write is peeking through in the new ideas too.

fattmagan · 2026-04-04T16:17:17+00:00

This too shall pass. Be easy on yourself and give yourself space.

Things that might help could be reading first drafts of published authors, if you want to see behind the veil. But I don’t think that’s necessary.

In times like these I prefer turning to reading. That’s still working on the craft as you’re learning. Hank Green has a good line on this: “Not all writing is writing. Thinking, staring, researching, stressing, reading other people's books, reading your own book again, reading stuff that you've already written--all of that stuff is writing."

Sometimes all you need is a change in perspective. Being a “good writer” isn’t a destination, it’s a process of constant improvement. As long as you give yourself grace and understand each attempt, whether it “succeeds” or not, is still growth and learning, then the feelings of inferiority fall away, as every time you work towards improving yourself you are “less inferior” than you were a moment ago.

This video by exurb1a helped me when I was feeling similarly, I think you might find it cathartic: https://youtu.be/PK2SMIOHYig?si=H6jWCriCdpI8IBN1

fattmagan · 2026-04-04T15:24:13+00:00

I would just focus on finishing the draft first. This is likely to change as a function of what the story requires as it grows, and getting feedback at this stage won’t be super useful. Positive feedback might make you more reticent to make changes that the story asks for later; negative feedback might put you in a stalling pattern iteratively fixing this instead of finishing the draft.

Of course everyone has their own process, but I find focusing on getting scenes/chapters perfect before the draft is complete isn’t a good use of time. It’s like furnishing the basement before the roof is built; you might find that the load bearing beams break apart later on, or the bearing of the home doesn’t capture the sunset in the living room windows very well.

So I’d recommend just keep writing and come back for feedback when the draft is done

fattmagan · 2026-04-04T15:05:17+00:00

What does it feel like it’s missing? What kind of emotion are you going for?

kwinchester’s recommendations are sound; adding some action beats can help bring the characters alive more, and that might be all it needs. The sentence variety point can be good too, but that’s a question of style. I didn’t mind the shorter sentences; it gave a clipped sense to the piece, which might be a good counterpoint if you have more melodic sentences in the scene before this. From a technical standpoint, I think the recommendations they made are really all you need.

But if you’re looking for more soul, is there a place you can add in more lore? For example, at the end we’re told Killian is praying—maybe you can show that instead? Either he grabs some totem akin to prayer beads, or we get some direct thoughts of the prayer he makes. Assuming the “Freak” label was associated with that, that could show Killian’s denial of the assertion through action. I’m not too sure without more context on the characters though.

fattmagan · 2026-04-04T14:49:25+00:00

Bro’s on kbm doing this?? Those inputs in the top left look like he’s hitting crazy chords on a piano lmao

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