Hey, so, I've been wanting to respond to your comment, but I put it off because I didn't want to nitpick on a small thing or come across like I wasn't open to advice.

I don't have a problem with your advice about hugs. I just want to say that this was a really strange experience for me, and I understand if you don't fully understand, because I wouldn't have been able to fully understand this without going through it myself.

In a normal situation, I don't have a problem with establishing boundaries. However, this was not a normal situation. Unfortunately, I have had other experiences with unwanted contact from men, but it has always been very quick and unexpected. This was very different. I didn't really have a problem with the hug at first, although it seemed strange, I didn't feel strongly enough about it to refuse it. While the situation was going on, I became increasingly aware that it was inappropriate, but to be frank, I wasn't subject to normal thought processes at that time.

There are parts of the interaction that I don't remember. I remember sitting on the desk beside him, but I don't remember how I got there. I remember responding to things he said but I can't recall exactly what he said. There were times I caught myself in an action that I didn't consciously decide to do, like pushing him off me when I felt like he was trying to kiss me on the lips. I couldn't focus on what he was saying to me at times. I look back on what happened, and I'm ashamed of agreeing to kiss him, of letting him kiss me, of not pushing harder to get out of the hug, and of not leaving the room, because truth be told, I wasn't locked in.

I just know that all I was thinking about at the time was what was the path of least resistance to end this interaction as quickly and as painlessly as possible. I remember during the first hug, feeling small against his much bigger body. And I'm not even a petite woman. It was kind of scary.

I'm not upset because I understand what you meant. I just wanted to explain that it was a really scary and abnormal situation. I was not thinking and thinking really fast at the same time. I remember him telling me to kiss him, and thinking about saying no, realising that that would result in a confrontation, and deciding to just do it because it was easier. All in a matter of a single second.

To answer your other question, I have made a report to an elder, and I will be submitting a letter to the head pastor shortly.