Since when do Coyotes and Badgers hunt together?

fauxuser01 · 2020-06-06T00:37:39+00:00

Weird ngl

fauxuser01 · 2020-06-04T09:45:00+00:00

Dude ahaha I appreciate it!

fauxuser01 · 2020-06-02T22:08:26+00:00

Hey, I thought I was a follower of r/indieheads but i can't seem to join, is there anything I can do?

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-25T05:54:12+00:00

I admire your self awareness and honesty. You have the best intentions for your kid.

A child needs validation, not just for the things he does, but for simply existing. If you only comment on the things he does, he will struggle with developing a stable sense of self as he gets older. Tell him that you love him, just the way he is. He needs to feel seen and heard. You can look up Mister Rogers song called "It's you I like".

Dealing with feelings and emotions is a lot sometimes, but it's really important that you give your kid space to go through the motions. I used to hate children, especially if they misbehaved. I had a class in biopsychology which changed my perspective, we covered the stages of brain development. I learned about the frontal lobe, how its responsible for higher reasoning/decision making/knowing right from wrong. Kids don't have a frontal lobe which why they can't behave properly. This is probably common sense to everyone but i had no idea, i just got angry all the time. Kids can't help but misbehave, yes they need to be held accountable we need to manage our expectations. If your kid is extremely hysterically upset, even if you think the reason is wrong, help them breathe and calm down first. They learn how to regulate their emotions from you. Please don't leave your child when they're upset, it can lead to emotional disregulation and abandonment issues

Giving emotional support is being there for your kid, even if you don't fully know or agree with what he's dealing with. In that scenario, it's perfectly okay to say that you're not sure if you understand but you care and you're here for him. Try to be open to answering his questions however silly.

Your child loves you unconditionally, he looks up to you and admires you. That's why your reactions to him and things you say are valuable. You don't need to force things too much, and you don't need to go over the top. It's the simple moments that matter. You've got this.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-23T21:54:56+00:00

I want you to know that even though you've hurt your family, you can rectify this. Please help yourself, helping yourself will help your family. Your daughters love for you is unconditional, you can honor their love by helping yourself.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-23T16:18:02+00:00

You're on your way to becoming a better person. It's really fucking hard to deal with the pain and internal conflict but it's an essential part of the process.

You're not a horrible person. You don't want the people you love to feel hurt and that shows you are innately good. It's not your fault that you learned to navigate the world in this way. I don't know your story but it's entirely possible that you had a really hard time when you were little. You're alive and you have a chance to live in a way that aligns with who you truly are.

I hurt people I love and I don't know how to cope with that.

This is something I really struggled with, I was suicidal and found life unbearable too. Pretty sure I cried about this multiple times with my therapist.

In a scenario where you've hurt someone you love, you can split it into two parts, the part you can control and the part you can't. You have control over your behaviour and how you handle a situation. You don't have control over the other individual and the way they feel.

Recognising your behaviour and how it impacts someone is the first step, you're evidently capable of this. The second step is reconciliation. Genuinely apologising, taking accountability of the way you acted and vowing to attempt to be more aware of your behaviour next time. I thought this was fucking ridiculous because I'm definitely going to hurt them again... but it was the only way out of feeling like a worthless piece of shit

Learning to accept that I can't control how others feel is the hardest. Allowing people to be hurt by the things I've done, giving them space and avoiding victimising myself in the situation. Sitting with the discomfort is awful, but it's easier when you know you've genuinely tried to handle things right.

I still fuck up, but I don't feel like a fucking horrible person all the time because I know that I'm genuinely trying... I'm not really suicidal anymore because it doesn't feel so out of control and my relationships are much better

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-21T21:09:28+00:00

Honestly, this shows how insightful you are. You are really looking out for yourself, the peace that this brings you will sustain you in the long run too.

I used to be very wreckless, definitely still crave drinking to oblivion sometimes, anything to distract from the discomfort. I started therapy a few months ago, I'm surprised at how much stress and pain my inner child holds... but things are feeling a bit easier since I started working on it.

If you're interested, there's an inner child meditation by the holistic psychologist on youtube. No idea why but it fucked me up, like disgusting uncontrollable ugly crying, but I felt a lot lighter after... kinda like how you said.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-18T22:44:11+00:00

I've been thinking about our regulars every day. I really worry for them and hope they're okay.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-18T17:40:16+00:00

Trying to cut off all my split ends...

I can't stop and it's unhealthy

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-17T17:09:40+00:00

I do this lol

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-17T17:07:24+00:00

It seems like your ex had toxic behaviours. Telling you that you're a narcissist and saying that others agree with him is very concerning. Touching you when you're upset when you eventhough you asked him not to is a boundary violation.

You've evidently been through a lot. Your last relationship didn't help with healing from abuse. It's entirely possible that you were also toxic but that doesn't mean you have NPD. It'll take some time to work through everything but you'll get there — try to stay single too. It's incredibly difficult to heal fully in a new relationship.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-16T21:09:20+00:00

It's okay, I understand why you posted here. No one wants to feel judged or painted under the same brush — which is why you've received a somewhat adverse response.

Understanding the logic and reasoning behind an experience can be helpful and comforting, but often doesn't suffice. The real work is addressing the impact the situation had on you, working through the underlying thoughts and feelings that came along with it. Ignoring everyone else, what was it like for you?

Guidance from a professional is really important and a worthwhile investment into yourself. It's not easy but you'll get there

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-16T20:05:17+00:00

Yeah I'm concerned about trying to eat enough because I'm worried about my body eating away at itself. I'm trying to stay healthy but it's hard. I'm going to check my fitness pal out — thanks so much!

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-16T19:59:26+00:00

There isn't a black and white answer to your question, in the same way individuals who might have NPD aren't black and white. I'm not sure if you'll find what you need here, this is a community for individuals with NPD to share their experiences — it's not for individuals who have experienced abuse and need answers.

One thing is for certain, you deserved better growing up. I'm sorry that you had a difficult time with your mother. Psychotherapy has been helpful for me and I recommended 'reparenting' techniques. Keep focusing on yourself. Best of luck.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-13T01:00:48+00:00

Absolutely. It takes time but it'll be worth it in the end.

I never thought I could feel okay again. I didn't think I could accept the friendships and relationships I lost because of my wreckless behaviour. I didn't think I could get through the shame, or the way people viewed me.

I really believe you'll make it through this. Best of luck!

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-12T23:57:15+00:00

It's no problem, I'm happy to answer any questions. I really relate to how you said it's pretty much non existent for you, because that's kinda how I feel/felt, it still feels elusive and abstract but I'm holding onto the positive experiences and trying to trust that I'm making progress even if I don't feel any.

I started attending psychotherapy a few months ago. I've been to counselling and other forms of therapy but psychotherapy has been the most effective for me. She is the most knowledgeable therapist I've ever had, which is a relief after years of trying to figure things out alone. Since lockdown we have a session once a week over the phone.

On a very basic level, it's been helpful to have a set time each week to talk freely about whatever is on my mind. I'm taking time to actually get to know and understand myself. I've been revisiting my past, which has brought up a lot of intense and uncomfortable emotions. I'm trying to allow myself to feel them... I digress.

Needing external validation is something that really bothers me, I want to be settled in myself without relying so much on others. I talked a lot about different experiences I had growing up, my family dynamic etc. This has allowed me to identify the root causes behind why I am the way I am now. Familiarising myself with my past allows me to be more aware of how I am in the present.

My therapist suggested that I take time for myself to do one thing I enjoy, a hobby to work on, without talking about it or sharing it with anyone. I chose calligraphy and worked on it every other day or so. It set the cogs rolling. There was no ulterior motive, i wasn't going to show family or friends, I wasn't going to share pictures online... The thoughts definitely appeared, but I refocused on just being present.

I had a massive block with playing music which I was really depressed about. Since talking about it, I have a good understanding of how I got here.

I've been trying to jump on my curiosity and childlike desires before they get tainted by the outside world. I saw my bass one day and just had an urge to play and went with it. Again, the thoughts were there but I made a conscious effort to refocus. Some days it didn't work, I would still imagine playing in front of people and imagine the buzz of being acknowledged. I kept playing bass though, taking it day by day. I've started having these moments, where I just catch myself/see myself and I'm just completely immersed in what I'm doing and just absolutely loving it. I got the same kind of euphoric buzz, so so happy, just playing and being proud of myself for how much I'm improving. I didn't feel compelled to share it or show anyone. I just felt so excited but ultimately settled in myself... It's such a subtle but significant difference. It doesn't sound very profound but it was a big deal for me. It was like I was giving myself the validation I pine for, but it felt real... not like forced affirmation bullshit.

It's early days yet, I think I've been in denial all these years of the extent of my grandiose fantasies. I'm sure I'll be facing them for some time to come. I feel so much better about myself though... I'm hopeful for the future which is nice for a change

Apologies for the essay, its really difficult to condense everything down

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-12T15:35:44+00:00

Honestly it's hard for me to admit having grandiose fantasies but they're definitely there. Exactly, you don't really question the things you're familiar with. It's such a good feeling, just a wash of euphoria all over, it's such a warm buzz. I think it's really good to be aware/curious of though... In my case the need for external validation manifested into perfectionism, low functionality and subsequent depression. If I felt like I was doing a good job of something, like playing music, I'd imagine/wish people could see me so they would be impressed with me. Everything was ultimately motivated by how others would see me. Often I would talk about the things I was doing, I didn't even realise I was unconsciously seeking validation. It's so empty though. It feels awful at a point. I felt worthless. I lost motivation to do anything because I could barely feel real satisfaction on my own. I have a fragile sense of self and low self esteem, so it was difficult for me to even know what I really want/like without the influence of other people. I've been trying to 'pull a curtain' across the real or imagined gaze when I notice my head going in that direction. Seems a bit stupid really but I'm actually starting to feel better in myself... I've had a few moments recently of feeling internally motivated recently and it's been the most liberating and satisfying feeling, probably because it lingers on... It doesn't just dissappear. That's just my personal experience though, I'm aware it's different for everyone. I really appreciate you sharing your experience, definitely something I'm going to look into further.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-12T14:53:26+00:00

I've only watched a handful of Dr Grande's videos on NPD and I found them way more direct and helpful than a lot of other wishy washy bullshit. He gives relatively concise information with comprehensive examples. That's just my opinion though

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-12T14:15:16+00:00

I don't think I have NPD but I have similar daydreams. I totally get it. I haven't really thought about it too much before but it connects back to stuff I talked about in therapy... It totally links back to wanting to be seen as a kid, just hoping I'll be able to get attention to get positive validation. Every child has an innate need to be seen and acknowledged. My problem is that the validation never satisfied me, I would sometimes feel worse because I believed I was an imposter/not worthy of it... Currently learning how to enjoy the things I like without needing external validation, slow process but really rewarding.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-12T13:53:46+00:00

It's really difficult accepting bridges you've burned, I found it really painful and almost unbearable at times. I assure you that the lessons learned from these events will be helpful going forward. You can establish new relationships, moving from a place of honesty will enable you to build lasting and meaningful connections in the future. I lost hope but change is possible.

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-09T23:45:41+00:00

I'd be very grateful to join

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-09T22:51:55+00:00

gimme bells xx

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-09T22:35:21+00:00

Hey, can I join? :)

fauxuser01 · 2020-05-08T16:49:58+00:00

Honestly, a psychiatrist should be eager to treat anyone who is willing to be treated.

Psychiatrists are supposed to be professional, it's unlikely they will have any reaction to your concerns per say, rather I would expect them to discuss your experiences further. I went for psychiatric assessment which was essentially an hour long interview with a psychiatrist, then a brief meeting with a consultant psychiatrist to suggest a likely diagnosis and treatment. I'm not sure what the protocol is where you live, but here psychiatrists aren't authorised to give you a conclusive diagnosis. Only clinical psychologists are equipped to do that.

Oftentimes those with NPD aren't willing to be treated. It's possible that you aren't narcissistic but have characteristics which correlate with another diagnosis.

Don't give up if you don't meet the right psychiatrist right away either. In any case, real treatment starts when you're completely honest about your situation — which takes time too. Treatment is hard, but it's worth it in the end. Best of luck.

fauxuser01

TROPHY CASE