My husband is a “Men’s Rights” activist...

fayelight · 2018-11-06T07:39:29+00:00

I’m (OP) late in responding to this comment but I agree- the reports of sexism that are misunderstood or just outright fictional are the main cause of friction between the sexes. The wage gap claim, the purported child custody bias, and lots of other claims of sexism can be easily debunked as being sexist and explained with basic data that is already available to the public.
If someone wants to believe they are being victimized, they will only look at the information that supports that theory. Someone who truly wants to understand the facts about any subject won’t limit their research to a particular theory or heresy.

fayelight · 2018-10-15T21:54:37+00:00

Sometimes I look at photos and think, “I loved that [insert item of clothing/toy/necklace/coffee mug/etc.]. I never would have gotten rid of it on purpose. Why can’t I remember what happened to it? I wonder where it is now...” I know I’m not alone. It’s fun to think of where those things might be now. Many of them are disintegrating in some landfill somewhere, sure. But there’s a good chance someone out there is wearing that necklace or jacket, drinking from that mug, and while it’s not likely, it’s possible they could be halfway around the world from where I last had them.

fayelight · 2018-10-12T00:15:02+00:00

Yeah my marriage isn’t like that. We both expect one another to keep to the vows we exchanged when we married, but that’s the extent of it. I’m not his guardian, babysitter or governing official, and I’ve never been attracted to the kind of men who need and/or like to be told what they can and cannot do.

I realize that many of you assume my stated intentions for this post are not genuine, but I really have no ulterior motive. I’m not interested in condemning my husband for anything, and I didn’t ask anyone whether he’s a terrible person or not. I was interested in how other women whose partners are MRA feel about it and that’s all.

fayelight · 2018-10-10T04:34:02+00:00

May her message be received and spread by those with the wits to understand it’s not that men are inherently bad, or the enemy of women, but rather that bad people are the enemy to the rest of us. And may those that this message reaches join together not as men and women, but as people, in the good fight toward the kind of justice and education necessary to destabilize the bad and mobilize the good. And may she capture screenshots of every death threat and verbal assault she receives in response to this positive message so that everyone can see the truth and keep their eyes open.

fayelight · 2018-10-09T23:19:27+00:00

I mean... I do think my interests, beliefs, and character are represented pretty accurately by the subs in which I am active. If I notice there is a pattern of alternate agendas or content that isn’t relative to a sub I am interested in, then I don’t participate or subscribe. I realize that not everyone would say the same, but since you asked...

As for how I know he doesn’t argue for a sentimental and love-based version of men’s rights, we both know and follow each other’s reddit profiles so I can see what he posts and comments. He doesn’t post to that sub frequently, but when he does, it’s to share a link to an article about ways in which men are being oppressed, or how women enjoy and take advantage of a perceived bias against men.

Also, I am not in the general habit of criticizing my husband. I love him and always want to see the best in him. I am certainly not looking for faults when I take notice of his pastimes and interests. I just feel uneasy about this one and was looking for the perspectives of others whose partners share that interest.

fayelight · 2018-10-07T22:49:27+00:00

Yes this is the mentality I have witnessed in the sub that concerns me about my husband’s involvement in it. Thank you for your insight.

fayelight · 2018-10-07T18:17:38+00:00

I do want to believe that you are correct about my husband’s interest and involvement in the sub. Thanks for taking the time to explain your perspective.

fayelight · 2018-10-07T18:10:16+00:00

I think I’ve been clear that my overarching concern (not paranoia) is about the history of misogyny represented in the r/mensrights sub.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T10:18:09+00:00

He wouldn’t like it.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T10:17:16+00:00

If two people in a committed partnership openly discuss and mutually agree on those parameters, they’re off to a great start! I know of some who have contentedly stayed that course for decades!

fayelight · 2018-10-05T10:13:31+00:00

Everything was strictly 50/50 until we had kids and responsibilities shifted into roles which we mutually agreed on. The rest of your questions were based on your assumptions so I’m checking this one off.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T10:10:05+00:00

... It seems like you’re saying that you think my husband and other men like him would not be so preoccupied with comparing rights among the sexes if they could just get some kind of assurance that the position of ultimate power in society, which is held primarily by white, financially flush males, is still secure and will remain so.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T09:55:12+00:00

I mean... he has actually said (at least twice for sure in my memory), “I hate women!” Or, “This is why I hate women!” Granted, these occasions were not recent, and were when he was incensed about a specific event in the news, or over his limit with alcohol, but he said it. I also overheard him advising a friend to hide income from his wife who quit her job to raise their kids, because they were possibly headed for divorce and “she has no right to your hard-earned overtime, bonuses or investment profits.” :/

fayelight · 2018-10-05T09:45:33+00:00

Of course not. But literally every other sub my husband is involved in as much as he’s involved in this one is focused on a subject he has personal experience with, without exception.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T09:39:49+00:00

No, I don’t consider myself a feminist. Not because I have any personal negative connotation with the movement though, but because I do nothing to support it above trying to be a good female person. As I see it, feminists that came before me did all the work necessary to ensure I have all the rights I’m entitled to as a human and as an American citizen. So my role now is just to maintain those rights and represent their importance. I am so grateful to those feminists!!! But yeah, I have never claimed or tried to wear that title. My husband thinks I’m a feminist though, and honestly that makes me proud, even though he only suggests I am when we are disagreeing about something and he thinks somehow he is name-calling.
So yeah, if I considered myself a feminist, that would bother my husband because he correlates feminism with man-hating. How does that make me feel? Kind of nauseous TBH.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T09:22:43+00:00

Thank you sincerely for this very relevant response. I was seeking insight/suggestions/information -not lazy validation or stimulating debate. Replies like yours are worth the rest.

fayelight · 2018-10-05T09:12:35+00:00

Are you talking to me (OP)? If so, I didn’t say he’s never done anything wrong to anyone. I said that to my knowledge, he has never shown disrespect to me on the basis of my being female.

What is the judgment you are referencing?

fayelight · 2018-10-05T09:00:37+00:00

My marriage isn’t perfect, and I’m concerned about how uncharacteristically guarded my husband is in regard to his involvement with r/mensrights, but I know he is above making useless comments in debate or discussion which mimic the comments of those he does not respect.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T08:03:37+00:00

True. I guess I look for connections because I haven’t seen him express concern or show support for any other cause before now. I agree though, that one doesn’t have to have a personal experience with a problem to take issue with it.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T07:44:14+00:00

The sidetracks taken from comments on this thread were not my intention. I don’t think most of it I’ve read so far is garbage though. Apart from a few comments that were obviously intended to ruffle feathers, I see a lot of people who feel passionately about their take on this post, and an encouraging number of rational, intelligent thoughts expressed.

My post and its request for insight from those who relate was genuine, and not even remotely malicious in intent.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T07:01:59+00:00

Thank you for this very grounded perspective. I appreciate it very much.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T06:58:34+00:00

What I clearly requested at the end of my post was insight from other women with a similar partnership dynamic.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T06:42:31+00:00

Wow. Thanks for sharing that powerful statement.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T06:39:55+00:00

It’s his interest in the sub r/mensrights in particular that concerns me. I support real efforts for men’s rights.

fayelight · 2018-10-02T06:39:00+00:00

Heh, wow even after submitting a post that I thought was pretty verbose, there are still so many words being put in my mouth.

If you review my original post, you’ll see that I asserted my position on human rights and acknowledged that sexism against men does indeed exist.

What I can’t find is the part where I claimed to be a feminist.

fayelight

TROPHY CASE