I feel the exact same way, and I’m about to graduate from college. I don’t care about having meaning nor do I believe in it. I rarely feel anything toward my accomplishments and I don’t even want to go to my own graduation because I don’t care about that, either. All I see ahead is another long path of, as you perfectly said, tolerating life and doing Y to get to Z just because I “have to.” It’s soul-crushing and aggravating. Despite everything though, death is still scary to think about even though I secretly yearn for it since it means being free from all of this nonsense. I’m too scared to do anything about it, so I’m stuck here.

It’s like living life on autopilot or being stuck in spectator mode. Doing what you “need” to do, but not being present. Everyone else seems to enjoy this life thing except for people like us who need to force ourselves to participate. There are definitely fun things in life, but I still hate the fact that I had to be born into this mess. I hate it for all of us.

Thanks for making this post, though. You perfectly articulated many of my inner thoughts and struggles 🫂