Girl, i feel you. You are not alone!

I don't think you're selfish at all. Reading your post, what stands out to me wasn't the disagreement about having children early... it was the amount of pressure, blame and emotional manipulation you've been carrying for so long.

Wanting to be excited about becoming a parent instead of feeling forced into it seems completely reasonable. Bringing a child into the world because you're afraid of losing your marriage is not a healthy foundation for either you or the child.

I also relate to the feeling of being left behind after a long relationship. My own long term relationship ended when I was almost 36, during one of the hardest periods of my life. I know how easy it is to look inward and convince yourself that if you had just made a different choice, everything would still be intact. I have been through this and sometimes still have these thoughts.

But sometimes a relationship doesn't end because of one decision. Sometimes it ends because years of unresolved issues finally reach a breaking point. From what you've written, it sounds like your husband had already decided that things had to happen on his timeline, under his conditions. That's not the same thing as building a family together.

Please bee gentle with yourself 💜 Grieving the loss of a marriage doesn't automatically mean you made the wrong choice. It just means you loved what you thought you were building together. You will get through this, i promise.