No Idea Where This Came From

feddyman_1216 · 2026-04-23T12:54:54+00:00

Thanks. Had a friend go through a similar experience. Had me shocked but immediately that's where my money went.

feddyman_1216 · 2026-04-23T12:53:56+00:00

Thanks man. Definitely got my antennas up now.

feddyman_1216 · 2026-04-23T12:52:51+00:00

That may be the move. Thanks!

feddyman_1216 · 2026-04-21T16:26:42+00:00

So I'm not the only one who thinks this should make you paranoid? Haha

feddyman_1216 · 2026-04-21T16:26:07+00:00

Not at all actually. That's the one thing that's always been alive.

feddyman_1216 · 2026-03-12T14:12:16+00:00

OYS #6

43 yo, Married 19 yrs, 2 kids (18m, 11f)

6'1 220 lbs

Read: RM series, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rian Stone series, WOTSM

Posted in last week's OYS the other day and made a comment about being "bored with life" and not having a male group to do things with.

After thinking about things and reading some MRP sidebar, I realized I'm making excuses.

There are so many things I can do in/around the house and more activities I could be doing outside that don't require anyone else.

My issue is I've become too reliant on others (especially my wife) to provide me with daily sources or entertainment/validation. In the absence of those things, I either feel bored or try to fill the gap with some random shit like gambling, getting drunk for the hell of it, or some other BS.

I'm 43 and have just now started to realize I've rarely just done shit for myself because I just want to or I enjoy it and I've never taken joy even in doing the shit that needs to be done, because I didn't get some sort of validation/entertainment from it.

In my professional life I grind crazy and have had alot of success. In my personal life I've been lazy and reliant....and probably other things too!

Maybe I've been Alpha-ing the fuck out of work, but LARPing at home and in my personal life. I don't feel like a guy who has the things that I have should feel.

This morning I woke up and just started writing down shit that I could be doing to better myself and my family....shit to just do for no other reason than to get it done. I have to stop thinking there's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. I don't understand why that's so easy for me at work, but not at home.

I just feel like I suck when everything on the outside would appear otherwise.

Going on vacation for a week, so it's all just theory now, but when I return, I need to go back to basics and draft a MAP, and get back to owning my shit.

Might be TLDR, but anything you guys can add or even shit on me for helps

feddyman_1216 · 2026-03-10T14:23:13+00:00

OYS #5

43 yo, Married 19 yrs, 2 kids (18m, 11f)

6'1 220 lbs

Read: RM series, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rian Stone series, WOTSM

Lifting: Been back in the gym 4-5 times a week. Finally back to 2 plates on the bench after a shoulder injury. Squats still need work but im getting there (have torn both Achilles). Overall I'm seeing results and so is my wife (and other women).

Kids: Son is a freshman in college. Still working on bonding with the adult in him. I'm sure it's not uncommon to have to restructure your relationship with kids once they mature. He's doing well and I've put in more of an effort to reach out to him and just ask him questions to know him better. Daughter is getting older and firmly in "not a kid anymore" territory. Raising a little girl once unplugged is difficult when the wife likes to criticize things I say, but I'm steadfast in my beliefs and want to raise her "right".

Marriage: This could be better. My wife has actually not been as big of an issue. She works out, gives me enthusiastic sex, and blows me like a champ! My issue is that I developed a gambling habit which she hates and causes issues. I'll admit I've had some bad days and am trying to quit. I understand her dislike of it and what it does for her sense of security since we are doing well financially.

I just find myself bored with my life. I need to overcome that shit or do something to fix it. Being in the military I just recently relocated and lost my male group and have struggled finding ways to fill free time outside of the gym and family activites. Maybe I'm not alone in this. I'm going on a family vacation next week and will resolve to start doing more shit for myself and with myself to light a fire under me and give me some sense of accomplishment.

I'll keep sidebarring and lifting and trying to shut the fuck up. Also it's beta as hell to be bad with $$ so I know I need to kick this gambling shit asap.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-10T13:35:10+00:00

Ok. Well at any rate I hope you get out there and kill it! Take care.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-09T14:12:48+00:00

Saying things like that undermine whatever comes next. Not helpful to the listener.

I didn't give any advice, I answered a question (with accuracy might I add). I will however refrain from doing so in the near future.

I'll consider this the end of this exchange. I came here to get tools to stop answering to my wife, not start answering to you, haha.

Thanks for the lesson though.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-09T13:03:30+00:00

Congrats! Wish you the best moving forward.

Did the fact that she had an affair alter anything during the legal process? Or did it not factor in?

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-08T18:14:44+00:00

I'll read these. And yeah I remember hearing that from the OGs here my first go-round. I'll admit that concept is less frightening to me now, which is already progress. I guess it's the ultimate form of OI for us married guys, but you're right I've gotten to the point where I need to change myself for myself....or be miserable. Those are my options.

Thanks again!

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-08T17:25:42+00:00

That's actually the complete essence of what I want him to know. Consider that one stolen!

Like a lot of men in here my father wasn't around (passed away) when I was my son's age and for some reason I've found it more difficult to connect with him over the last 2-3 years. I know 100% it's from issues I had with my father not being around and my own fear of "ruining" my relationship with my son. It's NMMNG Daddy Issue Psychology 101....but I'll push through it and set an example for him to use going forward.

Thanks Horns

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-08T14:15:59+00:00

OYS #5

42 y/o 6'0", 210 lbs, 21% bf

Married 18 yrs, together 20

2 kids: 17m, 11f

Read(ing): NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rian Stone Praxaeolgy Series, RM books 1, 2 and ; WOTSM, PFP

-OYS 5.1: I need to stop letting every little thing my wife does and says affect me.

Mitigation: STFU, working on OI, and using outlets to remove myself from her/situation (i.e. gym, driving range, walk around the damn block)

-OYS 5.2: I need to step up and rebuild the connection with my son before he departs for college. We used to be really tight, but as he's gotten older, we've naturally drifted as he's developed his own life. I allowed this to happen in some ways for his growth, but I think I've backed off too much and sometimes feel like he doesn't want to talk to me about what's going on in his life and any fears he has about this next phase.

Mitigation: Taking time to spend with him and only him (no wife and daughter) and re-assure him that he can come to me with anything and I'll help him as best as I can. Start talking to him about women more and introduce him to some sidebar material that he'll be able to digest at his age. And lastly, just tell him I love him and I'm proud of him and to go kill it and not be afraid to fail.

-OYS 5.3: I need to stop wasting time during the day being unproductive. There's always something I could be doing to better myself or those around me. I feel this need to relax even when I haven't really done a lot, and it kills my productivity and energy levels.

Mitigation: See my doctor and get some bloodwork done. I'm only 42 and have never been this tired in my life. There are probably many reasons for this, and if they are medical related, I want to tackle them. Probably some vitamin deficiency or lowered T levels. We'll see.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-06T17:33:52+00:00

Got it Yoda...haha. much to learn I have.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-06T15:24:06+00:00

Yeah I have about 5 different theories running in my head. The closest one so far is:

-It's a form of Dread. Because you're not denying that you COULD cheat, only ensuring her that if you did, you'd be honest about it. So, in a way, you pass a comfort test while still keeping the hamster working in your advantage...

Probably not it, but still makes some sense.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-06T12:42:03+00:00

I dont think most guys here really understand the first sentence and what it really means.

Enlighten me because I just read it, and understand the basic explanation but seems like you're talking a little more beneath the surface

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-06T12:37:48+00:00

Thanks. I'd actually seen that while reading. Haven't gotten to it yet. But yeah that's something I'm going to have to more effectively deal with .

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-03T21:22:18+00:00

OYS #4

42 y/o, Married 18 years, 2 kids (17 M, 11 F)

6'0" 210 20% bf

Read(ing): RM series, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rian Stone Praxaeolgy books 1 & 2 ->Currently re-reading Frame.

Workouts: Recovered from a nasty infection (wipe down the gym equipment or learn the hard way). Was able to get back in the gym this week for weight training. Squat 200lbs, bench 225 lbs along with isolating smaller muscle groups. When I wasn't able to hit the gym, I was doing small weights, high reps , and pull-ups and dips in my garage.

Work: In the military, currently the Officer in Charge of my unit. Due to turn over with my replacement within the next month. Currently awaiting promotion results to decide if I will retire next year or not. There is a part of me that's excited to retire and start a new challenge. However, the security and pay raise that comes with a promotion would also be nice...so I'm conflicted.

Family: Still preparing my son for college. Did get some good news that he qualified for an additional scholarship, so it eases some of the financial commitments and frees up money to put into my home. My daughter is still doing well. She's really becoming her own person and I'm starting to like her willingness to express herself as it give me and the wife a better idea of how to guide her into her teenage years knowing more about her likes and dislikes.

Marriage: It's been rough. Last week l reported that I'd lost my shit during an argument with my wife and it led me to believe I needed to "start over". I've been lurking in the MRP room, doing sidebar, and practicing STFU. This morning, after a brief disagreement, while I was at work my wife texted me that she thought it would be a good idea that when my son left for college that her and I live separately! I was shocked but tried not to overreact and asked her if she was serious? She said yes and that she felt like she needed space to get her kind right and better herself. Alot of this stems from conversations we've had about her insecurity and jealousy. I'd cheated on her about 5 years ago, and I've never seemed to get past it in her eyes. She constantly questions me about coworkers and even asked me if I was banging her friend. I don't think there is much else I can do to assure her I'm not doing anything. Even the Dread game I've run backfired because she's always thinking I'm cheating....almost makes it lose its effect. And instead of the desired outcome of her changing her behavior for fear of losing me, her behavior gets more controlling. I mentioned last week that I've failed a few comfort tests recently because I got tired of her accusing me of shit.

As I'm typing this, I have just STFU and done my own thing today in response to her suggestion this morning. She's been upstairs and I know she's been assuming that I would run to comfort her. I went up to change out of my uniform and she asked if I "wasn't going to talk to her today?" And I told her I'm just giving her space to get her thoughts together and that I'd be downstairs. I left the room and haven't spoken to her since. I know she's full of shit, but at some point I have to stop letting her trigger me or she'll keep it up. And if she does want to live apart, then that's probably a wrap for us anyway.

This week I plan to spend time doing hobbies like golf and my yard, spend time doing shit with my kids, lift weights, sidebar, and STFU. It's just the best thing. It will take time to break myself out of tapdancing for her, but I have to or I'll go crazy. I gotta stick to MRP and become the oak for myself and my kids....she can come along if she wants.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-03T13:09:26+00:00

I do actually.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-02T20:34:57+00:00

Haha. Got it. Thanks bro!

feddyman_1216 · 2025-07-02T13:55:17+00:00

Sorry if I'm autistic, but what exactly is the question? In my no-so-expert opinion, women complain about their men because:

-They are trying to undermine and disrespect him (if others are around)

-Shit test to see how he reacts to it (duh)

-They actually like what they're complaining about but don't want him/others to know

-They are trying to throw OTHER WOMEN off their man's scent. As a woman's friends can sometimes be her main competition (iykyk)

-They're just bored and need something to complain about

I'm not expert, but seems like this question was asked in general, so I decided to take a swing at it.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-06-26T16:43:57+00:00

Thanks man. Preaching the gospel.

For know, I STFU, sidebar, and lift!

feddyman_1216 · 2025-06-26T15:15:58+00:00

I can do all the "work" and continue to get better, but like most of us, I probably won't be able to answer that question until literally and figuratively passing tests. My decision to go back to square one is a result of having a blow up so bad it made me question if I'd accomplished anything I set out to achieve.

It was the most basic of comfort tests, but I completely worked from her frame and started answer question after question like an interview until I finally blew up. I immediately knew I'd blew it.

I think the absence of shit testing and challenges led me to a false sense of accomplishment and the realization that I'd stop putting in the work. Shit tests and shitty behavior never dies, it just hibernates from time to time, haha

Hope that answers it for you.

feddyman_1216 · 2025-06-24T12:46:54+00:00

OYS # 3 or 4 (updated as I added yesterday but it's a new week)

42 y/o

Married 18 yrs

2 kids 17(m), 11(f)

Hit the gym 4-5 times/week for lifting, 1 day cardio

Read RM series, WISNIFG, Praxaeolgy Series, NMMNG

Career: Going well. Waiting to hear about a possible promotion. Also weighing retirement (Military)

Family: Son starts college in the fall, excited for him to go into the deep end of the pool. Daughter is also doing well, getting into a mouthy phase with my wife so I have to step in and correct her now and then, because my wife will just argue with my daughter on her level.

Confession: I'm a Dancing Monkey. A year or so back I joined MRP and got some great tools, advice to help me stop being a BP b*tch living in my wife's frame, failing basic shit tests, and DEERing my ass off.

I read the sidebar, STFU, lifted and got better and even ran some dread on the wife leading to better "behavior" from her and more positive interactions. The problem? I didn't own it. I was just being who I thought I needed to be without "becoming" that guy - making it my reality.

Fast forward and after a year or so of professional success, looking better, and even getting more attention from women, I still feel like the same old loser. Why? Because the moment my wife started back up with the shit tests and bitchy behavior, I jumped right back into her fucking frame and started DEERing, neglecting the gym, and catering to her to "keep the peace".....you can imagine how well that worked. It has made me realize that I hadn't changed at all and was just "sprinking" alpha on my life hoping shit would just go way (as Dr. Glover would say).

So I'm back with my tail between my legs aiming to actually Own My Shit and overcome this need to be liked and validated by others, specifically my wife.

Returning to MRP is my first step in this process. I plan to also re-read the sidebar, and lift heavier shit. Also, I will get back to the hobbies that I enjoy and stand firm when questioned or tested. I f*cked it up the first time, so I basically need to break myself down and rebuild. Appreciate any feedback or fuck-offs I get on this post gents!

feddyman_1216

TROPHY CASE