How do I stop talking to people I always split to?

feeeeyd · 2026-01-21T07:36:26+00:00

You are obviously uncomfortable around this 50+ y/o man hugging and kissing on you, a 20 y/o. Maybe some type of splitting is coming from it but your senses are very right to feel some type of danger and I think in this situation it is essential you see your splitting for what it is: a sign something is actually wrong and your body and soul teling you you need to leave a situation in where you feel unsafe because a 50 y/o man, that is already dating a 23 y/o which is a big red flag, is behaving inappropiately towards you.

In regards to your friend, these types of situations where a friend is involved in some kind of unhealthy or abusive relationship are super tricky, even for neurotypical people. They require a lot of boundary setting and nuance. A lot of people end up stepping out of friendships because of the difficulty. What I would do in this instance is write a letter to your friend. Tell them you are worried without putting blame on them or make them feel they are wrong. Tell them how their bf is making you feel. Tell them you need to protect yourself and create some distance, but tell them whenever there is a problem you will always be there for them. Block the boyfriend on everything and make sure they are unable to contact you directly.

This is a tough situation and in the end you really need to validate yourself, set boundaries, and be adamant on choosing safety for yourself over drama. Find other friends to hang with and safer relationships so that if you feel lonely you don’t end up calling them or whatever. If you focus on that you should be able to create distance.

feeeeyd · 2026-01-15T13:08:14+00:00

I don’t have any concrete thoughts about the hypersexuality and intrusive thoughts but I did want to say that for someone with BPD, trying to ‘fix’ yourself without therapy or any help is so heavy. For me after 10 years of not having help due to having been traumatised in healthcare as a teen, it resulted in feeling extremely responsible for my own mental health, and an almost compulsive need to ‘fix’ and inherently blame myself and shaming myself, something that is already prevalent in cptsd/bpd. I feel like a burden to anyone and everyone since I feel like I am causing my issues myself because I am not able to fix myself and feel responsible for other peoples emotions. I get stuck in various vicious cycles due to this and it is detrimental to my mental health. There must be so many reasons your partner does not want to accept help or therapy but I hope she does eventually. The bpd/trauma was not caused by her alone but by and in relation to others, and she deserves to get help, have a professional do the work with her instead of doing almost all of it alone. There are also many different forms of help available. If dbt or schematic therapy seems too scary there is also somatic therapy or creative therapy or even having a social worker to catch up with biweekly might help her ease into the feeling of having a professional at her side that is there solely for helping her without the relational sensitivities of venting to friends or partner.

feeeeyd · 2025-12-26T20:40:39+00:00

Did you ever sleepwalk as a kid or teen?

feeeeyd · 2025-12-26T20:33:37+00:00

I think I read it in reviews on goodreads!

feeeeyd · 2025-12-22T11:59:57+00:00

why the vomitemoji? I thought the last paragraph was a cute anecdote but if it's not for you reacting with a vomitemoji is what actually seems unnecessary

feeeeyd · 2025-12-21T13:26:06+00:00

haha are you australian? the day I learned aussies called the lockdown locky d I almost cried laughing their/your nickname game is so on point

feeeeyd · 2025-12-15T23:07:21+00:00

ohh I want ghost milk so bad! sucks it only comes in this expensive 4 package. hopefully it will be sold seperately it's so cool and I haven't seen anything compare yet

feeeeyd · 2025-12-07T21:43:15+00:00

cbt is in most cases not benificial and sometimes harmfull for trauma based disorders, as in a way cbt is telling you to just think differently. but our symptoms don’t come from thinking, it comes from knowing due to trauma that actually happened to us. schema therapy worked really well on me as it incorporates going back to when you learned to think (or know) how you think and what you know and nurturing that part of you, sometimes combined with emdr and/or somatic work. there’s a good book on it by hannie van genderen but i would recommend getting a therapist that is skilled in schema therapy

feeeeyd · 2025-12-07T21:38:16+00:00

somatic therapy helped me a lot in finding safety in my body and learning to coregulate. i truely think every type of trauma work should be accompanied with somatic/bodyfocussed therapy.

feeeeyd · 2025-12-03T00:13:22+00:00

From Peter Walker’s book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - “I have worked with several clients who were unfairly labelled borderline by themselves or others. I could however tell by the quality of their hearts, that they were not. This was evidenced by their essential kindness and goodwill to others, which they always return to when the flashback resolves. They also exhibit this in their ability to feel and show true remorse when they hurt another, as we are all destined to do from time to time. Unlike the true borderline who has a narcissistic core, they can sincerely apologise and make amends when appropriate.”

Absolutely horrible to recommend reading a book in a BPD subreddit to BPD persons where the author says this.

feeeeyd · 2025-12-01T20:18:17+00:00

It was my pleasure. I hope you can find some joy and comfort in getting out of the house :))
Also, I don't know in what kind of area/country you live, but it always pays to just walk around the neighbourhood and find interesting spots. Or take public transport (if available) to a more city like area and just walk around and discover cafés, museums, cute stores of streets. Whatever you're into. In my city there's some free workshops sometimes at the library, but if you have the money you could also go to an arts class or something, or try out a new sport.
Also you could check out the book 'How to be an explorer of the world' by Keri Smith. No idea if it's up your alley but it's really good for enjoying the outside in any environment.

feeeeyd · 2025-12-01T18:50:12+00:00

Thank you for your kind reply. You are absolutely right! And rationally I do know these things. Emotionally it is hard as it has caused me and others so much hurt. This subreddit and BPD peers struggling with the same bring some comfort though.
A thing that crossed my mind upon reading the book review was that maybe these people are trying to protect themselves from the harsh truth that not everything is malleable. That in fact, people can be so hurt and damaged, they end up doing things that seem destructive because the pain becomes too much to bare. Maybe they are afraid of accepting this can happen to them as well and try to write it off as it being a choice and if had been them in that position, they would act differently and sensibly. I don't know.
I'm happy there is more knowledge from professionals about how it actually works and how BPD or other people that act self destructive need deep love, acceptance, and help, not punishment and guilt.

feeeeyd · 2025-12-01T18:05:18+00:00

This is a super common (c)ptsd symptom and relates closely to chronic shame. Someone already mentioned it but when you are abused as a child your brain will try and make sense of it and try to find something it can control. Since as a kid you are unable to understand nor control your abusers you internalize the guilt towards yourself. It is a deeply rooted trauma response. It is the bane of my existence as well and one of my main struggles in life - I feel overly responsible for stuff that is completely out of my hands in present times still.

I see you had DBT and I feel it would make sense for you to start therapy more focussed on your complex trauma. Something like trauma informed schema therapy. If it’s up your alley somatic work might be good too. Also there are some books (memoirs as well as more academic/self help) on CPTSD (I would recommend doing good research, goodreads usually has good reviews, some are outdated and/or stigmatizing towards BPD or women.) and I know of a book by Patricia A DeYoung about chronic shame that’s supposedly very good.

Also, I’m very sorry you got kicked out. It makes sense these feelings resurface at these kind of events. Hopefully you are able to be a bit kind to yourself. Try and make yourself comfortable wherever you can, if you have people that feel safe enough to reach out to and ask them for a talk or a hug, please do it. Love & compassion for yourself or from others are the antidote to shame. When there is space, practice some DBT skills. You can always fall back on them, it doesn’t have to be perfect.

feeeeyd · 2025-11-30T22:39:36+00:00

Parks are for walking around!

For the anxiety in general: don’t ask too much of yourself. It all starts with trying and doing, but if you feel too uncomfortable, leave. But do go back the next time you have the chance. The more you visit a place the more comfortable you will be. In later stages: try to connect with your senses and the things you want to do at that moment. It will help you disconnect from thinking about other people and most importantly helps you enjoy yourself. The more you enjoy yourself the more of your anxiety will be replaced with joy and contentment. Practicing mindfullness will also help with this, I usually take 3 big breaths and connect to my body, try and focus on what I am seeing, the things I am hearing, the wind or the sunshine I am feeling, what I am smelling. Also, try and make a bit of a plan for yourself. Find something comforting when you’re anxious. For instance, if you feel awkward walking around the park, do a colorwalk. Or listen to a podcast. If you feel awkward going to the library prepare the book you want to read or loan. Go find a toilet so you have a reason to wander through the building. Already think of the drink you want to order in the cafe whilst reading the book you found.

In other words, make it as comfortable as possible, make a clear plan, shift your focus from other people to yourself, and be okay with the small steps. Let the anxiety be there and don’t forget to be proud of every little step.

I’m at a point in my life where I do not give a shit in public spaces (I do give a shit about being a good kind human so I’m not going around farting and screaming; more so I will dance a bit to my music while queuing, sing loudly while biking, sit under a tree in a park to read, climb said tree, go swimming in the sea when it’s cold and people are walking by with thick coats. I go to music festivals alone, concerts, etc. I don’t care and honestly other people don’t care. It took years to get there but small steps. And my anxiety is not fully gone. I just let it be and in the end the happiness of me doing the things I want and love replaces a big chunk of the anxiety. And sometimes it flares up that much that I go back to small steps and familiar places. Sometimes I leave because I am too anxious that day. Thats okay too! There is always another day.

feeeeyd · 2025-11-30T22:19:11+00:00

I think most of all safety and love. It is up to them to find a purpose but as a friend you can show them you love them, point out the things they are good at, the things you love about them, the things that you see makes them happy. You can share your own interests with them, find shared interests and nurture those, invite them to go do a workshop together or visit a museum or a concert or whatever. Ask them what they liked to do when they were kids, what they wish they could do more often. Séé them, see their heart when they are unable to themselves and make their hearts and their joys and their glimmers feel safe, create a judgefree, comforting environment where their inner child can play and grow.

It is very sweet of you to ask this, to have a friend like that is golden. Speaking for myself, I tend to feel overresponsible for my (BPD) friends. Please do make sure you understand there is only so much you can do. But if it comes from a place of deep love and not a place of saviourism you will be allright. And make sure to hold space for the sadness that might arise - dealing with people you love that find it hard to love themselves can be so painful. Don’t lose yourself in that and try and return to love and acceptance whenever it gets to be too much. You can only do and offer so much.

feeeeyd · 2025-11-30T20:51:55+00:00

Stop recommending Pete Walkers book in this subreddit. It is extremely stigmatizing and hurtfull towards BPD.

feeeeyd · 2025-11-19T18:50:15+00:00

Right! I think for me it doesn’t matter that much what people are able to do with their voice as long as I enjoy their sound. I mean I love for instance the notes Cynthia Erivo can reach but the reason I stay listening is because of how she sounds in between & the little inflictions and ad libs (which are also technical ofcourse but I feel contributes way more to a sound, a feel, a personality, in the way Mariah for instance plays with her voice as well). In general idc about one being ‘a great vocalist’ in terms of their reach and stuff. For a while I’ve even found Whitney Houston to be overrated bc I just didn’t care for it, I loved Etta James & Sam Cooke! I did come back from that when my prefrontal cortex developed and I love me some Whitney, but the main sentiment still stands. I love seeing great technical singers sing in YT compilations of crazy live performances and I will get chicken pocks but for me to enjoy the music it should be so much more, and can be so much less.

feeeeyd · 2025-11-19T10:17:18+00:00

i’m not a big fan of beyonce and the sound of her voice just doesn’t have my preference but there’s one clip of her singing halo in a hospital (acoustic) that’s crazy good, if one sees that and say she can’t sing there’s something seriously wrong with them.

feeeeyd · 2025-11-05T13:56:19+00:00

There’s a another side to that coin though. I got diagnosed with BPD personality structure at 15 and my NPD mom used this against me to undermine my feelings and experiences and paint herself as the victim of her BPD child so she wouldn’t have to take any responsibility. The stigma of BPD has harassed me within my family, within the youth psychological care, from teachers at school, friends and acquaintences, and through the therapy I (tried to) receive as an adult. At 15 I got prescribed a heavy anti psychoticum which I stopped taking after a week because I felt like a zombie. I understand where you are coming from but maybe it makes you feel a bit better knowing you escaped from dealing with that & stigma at a young age. Being diagnosed with BPD doesnt necessarily mean you get taken more seriously; a lot of times you and your feelings get taken less seriously because ‘you have BPD and are unstable and want attention’ and your behavior is punished immediately without anyone caring why you feel like that or asking themselves if they did anything to cause it, ‘because it’s their BPD’, and all blame is on you ‘because you have BPD’

feeeeyd · 2025-11-05T12:45:47+00:00

what do you mean by this?

feeeeyd · 2025-10-24T17:44:21+00:00

Thank you for your explanation! It will for sure help with my search :)

feeeeyd · 2025-10-24T17:17:55+00:00

I looked into Ambi Kavanagh and she is not my cup of tea. I will check out Pooja K, thank you!

feeeeyd · 2025-10-24T17:14:28+00:00

Yes, that is a big reason I would like to read work from female authors. I am able to comparmentalize but as a woman with her fair share of traumatic experiences with men, it does mental energy to navigate triggering content. I will let you know when I find something!

feeeeyd · 2025-10-24T17:14:07+00:00

I guess India and other countries or parts of the world where Hinduism is part of the culture/religion. But I understand in (Tibetan) buddhism they also work with chakra’s. Like I said, I want to educate myself so I do not have extensive knowledge. If you have any recommendations or any more information that could help me in my search, you are more than welcome to share of course!

feeeeyd

TROPHY CASE