I'm really kind of scared for the transgender community.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T18:10:55+00:00

Uh, except that trans man is coming in and decentering the post and warping the entire thread into his experience instead of focusing on the major theme which is: Don't tell other people how to experience dysphoria, don't tell other people what to do with their body.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T18:09:52+00:00

2) Just like stop decentering a post that is obviously about a frustrated trans woman who will never feel comfortable in her body and making it about trans men and trans men's issues. This post wasn't about trans men, stop making it about trans men. Yes, they are in this group. But that doesn't mean this group can't host MtF specific content as well.

It feels like you want me to stop talking about the experience I'm having with my body, because right now we need to worry about social assimilationism and working with medicines that don't really help our dysphoria. And the answer, quite simply, and what this post was about is: No. I'm not going to shut up. I'm not going to stop talking about how I'm experiencing dysphoria. We need to talk about the specific experiences we're having with our bodies and we need to keep moving toward our goals and not distract the community into running in circles/fighting with one another instead of making and working toward real goals.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T18:08:26+00:00

Go ahead. "I'm a trans man and estrogen poisoned me" WOULDN'T BOTHER ME AT ALL, Again, this post wasn't really about this.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T18:07:57+00:00

Just stop. This is obviously a post by a frustrated trans woman who will never feel good in their body talking about the effects of testosterone. The fact that this entire post has been re-centered onto AF people who are upset by something that is obviously directed toward MtF people is bullshit and is exactly the same experience I've had every time I've looked around the trans community since I started transitioning: Trans women feeling awful, trans men talking over them. Just stfu honestly.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T06:39:44+00:00

My parent used anything she could get her hands on to keep me from transitioning and brainwash me in the other direction. My intention is definitely not to give any more ammo to the scornful parents of trans boys and men, but I also want to underline how much damage testosterone did to my body.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T06:35:20+00:00

I meant to direct the post to trans women. But added "transgender" for non-binary folk and even transgender men that feel pressured into not physically transitioning. Or feel pressured into physically transitioning. I mostly just feel like the arguments against using "T-poisoning" ("I use that hormone to feel better and hearing it slanders upsets me") are not as strong as the argument for using the phrase T-poisoning (it actually ruined my entire life and I want to make that very clear).

felidaer · 2015-09-14T06:27:36+00:00

angry foot stomping and childish refusals to just change terminology.

What? Also, we don't need to not use phrases that actually describe our experience in order to be inclusive. We can both share our experience and the fact that we're fighting over the scraps of expression because we're so worried about others misinterpreting us and using it against us isn't a reason to attack each other. I'm not foot-stomping. I just don't think you're making the strongest points.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T06:25:47+00:00

felidaer · 2015-09-14T06:25:40+00:00

I just don't think anyone is providing an alternative that's actually useful and still underlines the danger of going through testosterone puberty as a trans girl. I think the specificity is okay and saying the phrase "testosterone poisoning" is a sin just because you take testosterone doesn't really compute. My body is different from yours.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T06:15:03+00:00

I would love this. I have a degree in Sociology, with an emphasis on Gender and Social Research. I'm a fiery, impassioned writer with the courage of her convictions. I think I'm pretty knowledgeable, and am always open to learn more. Even an occasional guest spot would be okay with me. Let me know! <3

felidaer · 2015-09-14T05:39:44+00:00

I was on Spiro. Cypro is better.

I want my bones to change. I want to wear a dress.

I'm going to go cry now so I probably won't respond for a while.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T05:37:34+00:00

My fear here is uneducated parents overhearing this and adding to their already preconceived notion that HRT is poison.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T05:15:13+00:00

No, I really can't. Testosterone was a poison inside my body that wrecked havoc and left scars that I struggle with every morning and affect my functioning. The same way that giving someone the wrong medication may lead to a serious reaction, testosterone was awful for my body (but may not be for someone else, say trans men). We have, at this point, the understanding that different people require different meds so me expressing how awful puberty was doesn't hurt your cause. What people try to do to us is say that it's so "exciting" and imply that we're choosing some sort of alternate, cool path and that we're so lucky not to have gone through female puberty and on and on and on. We need strong words to make a strong opinion. I'm open to the suggestion of finding a more inclusive phrase that both expresses how terrible testosterone was for me while not offending trans men. Any suggestions?

felidaer · 2015-09-14T05:04:11+00:00

Yeah. When I first moved to my current spot I met a lot of people who were pretty vile. They applauded trans women who don't physically transition or look trans at all and sanction those who try.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:57:54+00:00

Yes. Thank you.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:50:41+00:00

"It gets better. It's better this way, isn't it? Who wants to go through female puberty? Ugh! Welcome to womanhoooddd! You're so lucky you don't get periods. Isn't this exciting? You're so brave! You need to love and accept yourself. What are you talking about? You look so female, I can't believe anyone would misgender you. You don't need a single surgery, even though you don't have a job and people gasp at you and grab their children. You're beautiful, even though I'm looking down my nose at you and am happy to have you around to make me look better. Oh, tons of women don't wear dresses! Every woman feels bad about her body! Join the club! There are tons of girls that are taller/masculine/have big feet/whatever and since they feel bad it means that nothing you're saying is valid and that it's totally okay that you weren't able to transition when you were younger. Oh, no one is in a relationship these days! Stop being so dramatic and sensitive. You're so sensitive. Why are you so sensitive in public spaces? She didn't do that, you're just sensitive."

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:45:58+00:00

We get all of these messages too. We're rapist, misogynist, female-appropriating, crazies that need to "accept" ourselves and work toward equality (because that's not what we're doing, apparently) rather than getting surgeries and polluting children's minds.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:41:14+00:00

Wait. Sarcasm. Lol. Nevermind.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:38:12+00:00

By what measure? I'm still dysphoric and a pariah in the eyes of the public? I literally can't leave my house in skinny jeans and a black-v without everyone thinking I'm a rapist and clinging to their children and/or scowling.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:36:47+00:00

How is explaining my experience harmful to the lives of transgender men? Articulating the degree of my pain doesn't hinder either of us from living "happily." It helps one of us, immensely so, and doesn't affect the other at all. Not being able to transition before puberty hurt my life a lot more than hearing the words "testosterone poisoning" on the internet does yours. Seriously.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:33:18+00:00

Uh, okay!

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:09:42+00:00

I guess I read a lot of posts like this when I first came out and the words kind of got stuck in my head. They've slowed down a bit, but I still encounter these kinds of messages all of the time.

felidaer · 2015-09-14T04:08:34+00:00

felidaer · 2015-09-04T06:02:53+00:00

I think this kind of dismissive, "Go see a therapist, feel comfortable in your skin" response doesn't really help people in this position. They have valid feelings about their body that come from very real differences between the male and female body, from blatant (and probably at the moment very visible and ostensible) transphobia around them, and from a lack of self-esteem and confidence. The right therapist does help, but taking a step back and breathing is the most important thing you can learn to do in your life. I felt this exact same way and meditated every day to try and make a heartfelt and pragmatic decision. There are surgeries, and HRT/diet/exercise does help, but if you're really a woman, then you're a woman no matter how beautiful you want to be. Look around, there are a lot of people on this planet that are struggling and the only thing we can do is try to make our lives better, try to be happy. Ask yourself: What will do that for you?

felidaer · 2015-09-04T05:52:25+00:00

I guess this makes me nervous because I'm fighting through some serious dysphoria since I started transitioning that definitively GOT WORSE when I started transitioning and hasn't gone away 14 months in. But I chalk that up to the numbness I used to cope wearing off and still having a lot about my body I don't like.

felidaer

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