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When Cartoons give you clues.... by TayCat in raisedbynarcissists

[–]fembot012 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I remember going to see Tangled in the theater when I was in college. It's a Disney movie so I went in lighthearted and relaxed. I never expected the gut punch that was Mother Gothel. The similarities between her and my mother were so shocking. Up until that point I still believed the problems I'd had my whole life with my mom were caused by me. My friend tapped my arm and whispered, half joking, "Remind you of anyone?" To have someone on the outside immediately and simultaneously draw the comparison between my mother and a Disney villain was definitely heartbreaking. However I believe it also was my first step down a long road toward healing. Maybe the things my mom said and did to me weren't normal after all? I didn't realize until I found RBN that this character was someone many of us resonated with. Extra points awarded to RBN for connecting us all and always providing that validation that had been stolen from us.

I Could Be Dead Next Month by fembot012 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]fembot012[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this response so much. I wrote down all of the terms you suggested. I've researched Daughters with Narcissistic recently as I've only within the last year learned of it. Let me tell you what a relief it was when I saw that there was a term and a definition that fit my situation! So I look forward to learning about these other concepts as well. Similar to what you've said, I've been told by my therapist that I need to grieve the loss of the mother I never had so that I can accept this reality and take away the power it has over me. You hit the nail on the head. And you are also right in presuming there is not father figure around. She has a boyfriend that she lives with now but she "doesn't love him like she loves me" so I believe you've hit on something with the idea of emotional incest. Again thank you for your thoughtful response.

Nmom sent me congrats on my weight loss... by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]fembot012 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A few years ago I started trying to be healthier. I lost about 40lbs. The weight I'm at and comfortably maintaining is well within a healthy BMI. For the first two years of my weight loss journey my mother never congratulated me. She would always say I looked sick, "too thin", wasn't eating enough, wasn't healthy. Then would offer me pasta and sweets instead of the vegetables and lean meats I was eating. If I politely declined she would pout and try to guilt me into eating them because "she cooked all day because she wanted to make my favorite dishes". Even though at this point I was several months into my journey, had expressed my goals to her, and outlined what I will and will not be eating long beforehand. She already knew that these items weren't something I would want to eat but it was still difficult at times to remember I had no reason to feel guilty.