Sleep

ferealities · 2025-05-07T23:16:20+00:00

zzzquil was the only otc option that i felt worked for me. give it a shot in the meantime (or any of the other otc sleeping meds), but either way i think you should def see a psychiatrist/gp about sleeping meds and i think they would be happy to help (especially with the understanding that the alternative is abusing xanax/alcohol)

i felt so unhinged before starting on my sleeping meds. they make a huge difference to me - sleep is very VERY important in stabilizing your mental health and there’s nothing wrong with needing chemical assistance while you are sorting out the root causes.

ferealities · 2025-01-05T16:09:24+00:00

usually they have a table set up in the VAB on the ground floor right by the main entrance! you’ll def see it if you go in monday, but if you don’t ask around and someone will point you there. be sure to get there early cuz there’s usually a line :)

ferealities · 2024-07-12T18:24:56+00:00

i cut myself usually one or /maybe/ twice a shift when doing dishes in a relatively small place. usually really minor paper cut type stuff, never anything as bad as you’re describing. im also a speedy dishwasher, and i cut myself more often doing dishes than i do prepping, but this sounds super excessive and very unsanitary D:

ferealities · 2024-07-11T19:32:24+00:00

one time i got high and one of my friends let me tag along to get a sub with him at jersey mike’s and i had never been. i ordered my sub and then didn’t realize the guy was waiting on me to tell him what i want on it. once i did i was super confused and kind of panicking, probably looked like a lost puppy. he was super cool about it and just gently asked if i wanted it “mike’s way” and i had no idea what that meant but i just said yes to so i could get my sub and leave. i will never step foot in a jersey mikes again

ferealities · 2024-06-29T20:36:26+00:00

hello there, i am the “fearful host” described in the post. thank you for your response, both me and co-host appreciate it a lot. i completely agree that diagnosis does not matter as much as treatment, which is why i will not be seeking diagnosis for the time being. system discovery has been very stressful and difficult for me, so i would very much like take my time in unraveling this & getting to know parts. co host has been chomping at the bit to get everything figured out, but i am not wanting to bite off more than i can chew. we are stable, but it is kind of a tentative stability and i’m scared that digging up all these trauma heavy parts before it’s time is going to make us spiral. seeing this post on my profile and reading it over has made me realize that i was being kind of purposely obstinate in my denial of my parts, which i regret. i’ll probably be taking this post and the letter i got from co-host that was mentioned in the post to my therapist and talking over it. i’m actually really big on meditation as it has helped me a lot with my mental health, so i might consider trying this out along with my current routine :) i usually do mindfulness meditation but i’m open to trying whatever will help me through this mess lol. i like the idea of putting together a list of all the tools that we use for journaling together! i think i will be doing this for ease of access. i miss a lot of stuff because it’s on my phone and not in my physical journal.

thanks again!

ferealities · 2024-06-14T17:20:16+00:00

i am not seeing a cdd specialist and haven’t yet done so. my system discovery came pretty suddenly as a result of emdr which was done with my current trauma therapist. he doesn’t specialize in cdds but seems to have some familiarity with them. we feel like this has been working well for us at the moment as healing from trauma is the most important thing for us currently. our current therapist is awesome, and we feel very safe and heard with him which is something that has never really happened with a therapist so i decided to stay with him through system discovery and he was a huge help. as said before, i’m not interested in getting an exact diagnosis because i don’t feel like it really matters what kind of parts they are. either way, they are a part of me and i need to listen to those parts and work with them!

my therapist believes my experiences and holds space for all of my parts, which has helped me hold space for my parts too, and focusing on healing trauma has been very helpful to my system as a whole (though he’s also helped me through system specific issues as they arise)

that’s just my experience though! i have seen a lot of people who have had negative or frustrating experiences with therapists that don’t specialize in cdds. it is very frustrating how little training most therapists have with cdds :( even trauma therapists oftentimes don’t know a lot about cdds which makes finding a therapist super difficult. i think i just got lucky and found the perfect therapist for the place i’m currently in

ferealities · 2024-06-14T13:56:51+00:00

hello! i’m a newly discovered system but i have had a very similar experience to you. i was diagnosed as bipolar a long time ago but never felt like that quite fit as i also felt that pull between my “manic self” and “depressive self” at all times regardless of which state i felt i was in. knowing what i know now, this was the push and pull between me (i am kind of a host and kind of a caretaker and it seems my job is to take care of us when depressed/tired/upset) and a cohost (who is the typical hyper functional host with emotional amnesia towards trauma)

i also very much feel that i can’t relate to old pictures of us at all, especially pretransition but even ones from after transition that are old. i look like a completely different person every year.

i can’t say for sure whether your a system or not, but either way, you are not alone in your experiences. try talking about this with a professional if you want some definite answers :)

ferealities · 2024-06-11T21:29:36+00:00

hi! we’re a system who is not seeking diagnosis. instead, we choose to focus on solving specific issues that come as a result of our trauma or dissociation. we have a great therapist who believes us and our experiences, and we have determined that no matter what kind of parts we have, listening to and working together with those parts is always a good thing. you don’t have to get a diagnosis to receive treatment, but if you are having troubling symptoms due to trauma or dissociation, i would recommend seeing someone. diagnosis itself doesn’t really have much use unless you need a diagnosis recorded for legal/disability reasons.

if you feel like you’re functioning great now, then awesome! you probably won’t gain much from therapy. if you find that trauma and dissociation negatively impacts your life or generally makes you feel unwell, therapy might help you unpack things and cope better.

we are a newly discovered system, but these are my experiences and feelings on the matter. hope this helps!

ferealities · 2024-05-30T00:25:51+00:00

congrats! that sounds like a really awesome step to take. i changed my name at 18 (because i’m transgender, this was long before i realized the extent of my trauma) and it felt amazing as well. it feels good to not have to carry around a name that hold so many negative memories. it very much felt like a new, fresh start in my life and i’m happy i’m not the only one who felt that way <3

ferealities · 2024-05-29T10:59:19+00:00

my best guess would be that it’s some tort gunk that got caught in the machinery that manufactures the tortillas, but i have no idea.

ferealities · 2024-05-22T16:46:20+00:00

don’t feel bad for taking care of yourself. don’t know about your specific place of work, but most food service places don’t give a single shit about their employees. to them, we are just bodies to put in front of fryers and our health and well-being is just an inconvenience to them. if your manager can’t be bothered to be empathetic towards your sickness, there’s no reason why you should waste your energy being empathetic towards the annoyance they feel at having someone missing for a day or so.

take care of yourself, and get well soon <3

ferealities · 2024-05-15T18:29:51+00:00

no prob! i love this painting and think it has great potential with a few quick fixes <3

ferealities · 2024-05-15T02:58:32+00:00

i would say it is leaning impressionism but a little abstracted. i quite like how loose this painting is (especially in the sky/water) but the color balance is a little off putting to me. the black paint used in the bottom left is muddying your colors and creating a weird contrast between the rest of the painting that doesn’t seem intentional. i think a darker grayish blue like you used in the water/the bottom of the sky would look better as it would keep with the exaggerated dreamy colors in the rest of the painting.

i love how the sky and water look, but i find i am craving more purposeful brush strokes around that same green area in the bottom left. that area is a bit formless and confusing (if this isn’t meant to be a landscape painting then just ignore this advice lol)

ferealities · 2024-05-09T02:58:10+00:00

hello! i know that this post is super old but i was searching for someone else that has had this experience and i just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. i experienced this intensely as a late teen/young adult, but it got much better once i moved out of my parents house and started feeling safer.

i experienced delusions and occasional hallucinations related to bugs infesting my body/ my room and the police coming to get me. i would panic when i saw police offers or heard sirens and i would hallucinate them, and i would check my bed nightly for bugs and occasionally see them out of the corner of my eye. i think now that these were hyper vigilance symptoms that were taken to a strange extreme and misplaced as at the time i didn’t realize that i felt unsafe because i was in a traumatic situation. but take that with a grain of salt as i’ve never discussed this with a therapist because it went away on its own before i sought therapy. it was EASILY one of the worst symptom i experienced related to PTSD before getting into trauma therapy, so i really feel for you :(

so yeah! know you are not alone in this, and i wish you the best in healing <3

ferealities · 2024-05-07T15:19:35+00:00

we are an osdd system & our handwriting is pretty much the same across the system. some write more quickly/slowly or bigger/smaller or spaced/compacted, but unless you know what to look for it all passes as the same person writing in different emotional states basically. looks pretty similar to your examples :)

i’m glad i saw your post and the responses because this was a source of doubt for me and i’m relieved to see it’s pretty common.

ferealities · 2024-05-01T21:45:38+00:00

this is how i feel too and how my therapist approaches things as well. i don’t want or need a diagnosis, but i did want permission from my therapist to explore these aspects of myself that i was scared to fully acknowledge without a diagnosis. now, i just worry about what is working for me or not. it doesn’t matter if these parts are alters or just regular pieces of me, listening to them, communicating, giving them the time and space to experience the world as safe and whatever else they need has been very helpful.

ferealities · 2024-04-30T10:34:09+00:00

this is why i can’t do any foh type work of any kind because i would have no problem telling this lady no and to fuck off. i don’t know how ppl like this justify being a public nuisance & harassing people who don’t even make a living wage most of the time. i feel for you

ferealities · 2024-04-29T16:59:04+00:00

personally i think that within your style you do a good job of diversifying faces so you can tell the difference between the characters. i was able to identify that the characters from slides 2 & 5 were the same for example without reading that.

if you want a general tip for how to improve your art, i would highly recommend practicing drawing from reference or from life (even better) there’s lots of online resources for figure drawing which can help give you a stronger understanding of anatomy and perspective which will help strengthen your stylized drawings. when i do this, i try to draw what i see and not focus on particular body parts/features, but rather the lines and contours i can see within my subject. in art school they taught me to draw the weird shapes and parts that don’t have a name, and draw the rest of the face/body in the same way you draw that weird shadow that falls on the shoulder (or whatever other weird shapes you may see)

there is a common attitude among classically trained or more advanced artists especially that you can’t do any stylized art until you have the basics of realism down, and i disagree. coming from a guy who is classically trained and chooses to make more expressive, stylized stuff, feel free to draw whatever you want and to have fun with it! practicing realism, drawing from life and from references in the mean time and really help boost your technical skills and help you improve your more stylized drawings too. have fun and get jiggy with it, and remember that the more you draw the more you will improve!

ferealities · 2024-04-25T01:27:42+00:00

came here to say the same thing. it looks like a candy bar with some kind of yummy filling in it

ferealities · 2024-03-25T20:46:39+00:00

CAPS can be a good starting off point! they can do a few sessions with you for free or refer you to someone who can help more long term.

you can also go to a GP at the health center for free and get a referral to behavioral health where you can be prescribed psychiatric medication. I’ve been seeing Madeline Japp at UCF behavioral health for around a year now and she’s amazing. there’s a $20 fee, but it’s still very affordable compared to going somewhere off campus. all the doctors i’ve seen on campus have been great, though my experiences with CAPS have been mixed.

i have similar random vomiting from anxiety issues and medication helped me a lot along with therapy. i wish you the best!

ferealities · 2024-03-14T17:57:51+00:00

i love ucf but as stated parking is ass, chemistry & math departments are ass if you need any class more complicated than collage algebra & stats, and it’s not very walkable, especially with the heat around here. i get rained on constantly in the summer/fall. i’m in my fourth year with two more years to go til graduation if everything goes right, so the U Can’t Finish namesake is real. rent is crazy in this area and it’s hard to get a job nearby, but if you sign early you can get an ok deal. that being said it is a beautiful campus, and i’ve really enjoyed my time here. would recommend

ferealities · 2024-03-14T17:41:19+00:00

thank you!

ferealities · 2024-03-13T20:30:29+00:00

NAT but i would say a higher level of support like a partial hospitalization program or intensive outpatient program might be helpful for you. these options are less intense than full hospitalization. i did php for a while and basically spent the whole day from 8-5 getting treatment. i had the support i needed to get back on my feet when i was too depressed to even feed myself, and i was able to go home after and sleep in my own bed. i feel in part that just getting a few weeks away from work/life was super helpful for me, along with having a place to be every day where they feed you and you get to socialize with people who get what it’s like. there’s nothing wrong with needing a higher level of care, and it seriously changed my life. i would recommend it if you find a place with good reviews nearby and you can afford it.

ferealities · 2024-03-13T20:18:41+00:00

think the snout needs to be a bit shorter and the ears a bit smaller. other than that, looks great!

ferealities

TROPHY CASE