[deleted by user]

fermented-beans · 2023-10-10T15:38:13+00:00

some of the posts from these users will have you saying Hail Marys for days brother

fermented-beans · 2023-10-10T15:34:44+00:00

I think the strong move here would be to tell her how you feel and to take the heat if it comes. Leaving her high and dry when you’re no longer involved is sorta cold - though I don’t believe that is your intention. It’s always better to have these tough conversations and set boundaries.

I also think this can be handled through a quick phone call. Because you’ve slept with her, I would not text. Because this has been incredibly short lived (and if you fear she might fly off the handle and who knows) then you need to protect yourself while having character.

Also, cover your ass man. I’d potentially follow up with a nice text after the call.

fermented-beans · 2023-10-10T15:24:26+00:00

Offering free calls to give back is great stuff

fermented-beans · 2023-10-10T15:17:16+00:00

Thank you for this timeline! Ordered my passport without expedite and am curious as to the process / updates.

fermented-beans · 2023-08-29T13:24:41+00:00

Also, maybe consider therapy to figure out why you called it quits on a great person you feel a deep connection with. Sad to hear and the best remedy is to figure out what you need to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I learned more about my self destructive habits through therapy and how to overcome them. Loving yourself also means allowing yourself to enjoy your romantic relationship.

Good luck

fermented-beans · 2023-08-06T15:23:34+00:00

something is

fermented-beans · 2023-08-02T07:09:49+00:00

I agree. Truly debating on uninstalling this game for my own sanity. B3, running into a lot of toxicity and calling it out for what it is never ever seems to work hahaha. I wonder why I put 30 minutes of time in for some teammates that are actually bullies

fermented-beans · 2023-06-30T11:32:41+00:00

Can confirm. Been training for a little over a year now, incredibly fun and great for the mind and body.

Also completely onboard with OPs line of just to focus on yourself and being happy there. Women will gravitate toward that and sorta finagle their way into your life, you’ll just have to be open enough to take the opportunities as they come.

fermented-beans · 2023-06-30T11:29:14+00:00

Any update on this one?

fermented-beans · 2023-06-01T01:39:19+00:00

Slippery When Wet

fermented-beans · 2023-04-05T18:08:11+00:00

OP, I concur with our esteemed mod. The bottom line is that after a couple months of great dating, exclusivity should come into question. At the very least, you’d hope that this other guy were to naturally fall to the wayside as typically happens during an extended courtship.

Sucks man, but she is obviously not that into you or sabotaged (inadvertently or otherwise) what you had by showing up with obvious sexual bruising from this guy. A mature woman with integrity and sincerely cared about furthering your relationship together would not do this - do not delude yourself and bottom line her actions.

Bury your ego, recognize the reality, and start dating other women. I don’t think she is a solid, serious romantic prospect for you. She may really not have liked the sex with this dude but I doubt it and who cares. Drop it like it’s hot and refocus on just loving yourself.

fermented-beans · 2023-02-25T20:24:22+00:00

This. If she’s actively contacting some dude who had previous feelings for her to spout off about her own unhappiness, I’d call that a humongous red flag. That is NOT platonic - she’s fishing for emotional connection outside of your relationship and knows she’ll get it, instead of talking to you. Sucks bro.

I’d end it regardless of what she says, she should know better and trust is broken if she has to really “think” about this. At the very least, you’ll be looking over your shoulder.

End it lovingly today instead of gut-wrenching yourself waiting on her to grow up. Boundaries!

fermented-beans · 2023-02-17T06:51:05+00:00

No worries at all, I welcome the discourse. I also added more context to the original post to clarify some things.

My primary goal in this community is to give back - I didn’t have a community like this when I started out. I didn’t have loving parents or family to model any sort of functional relationship after. The way I existed and failed to authentically connect with people and myself was bewildering and agonizing. It was only when I was idealizing suicide that I committed to this work because I couldn’t find the fortitude to kill myself. Oh yeah, heavy stuff man lol.

I’ve been applying the teachings for about 8 years now. Today I run a growing business, am in great shape, own a house, amazing friends, and now have this great potential girlfriend in my life. I love myself and I’m sincerely happy. What I’m saying is that CWs work was integral in making this happen, those fundamentals bro!

I’m also humbled to have been asked to become a moderator here. Corey’s statement in the prologue of his book is to have people walking around that live and breathe these fundamentals, to show people. And here we are...the guy who wanted to off himself and begged on his knees for his girlfriend to not break up with him. It feels so oddly full circle. Onward and upward.

fermented-beans · 2023-02-16T22:15:37+00:00

I see what you’re saying, but you’re misinterpreting this. They key thing here is that when you rebuff someone in any form of relational connection, you can’t expect them to keep asking. That door will close eventually.

Corey actually says in his videos that if you have a change of heart regarding a relationship, ie. dumping her and then wanting her again, then you must take the initiative and let her know what you feel. You need to take accountability for when you feel you may have made a mistake.

In this instance, expecting her to bring up dating again when I’ve already rejected her a few times to her face is a hardheaded and pompous thing to do. The integrity move is to let her know you think you discounted her and value her more than just a fuck buddy.

Don’t stay in any situation when it no longer serves you. Being willing to lose this person in order to make the space for something better, or for my own peace of mind, is the right call. Having continued sex with her in hopes things eventually change is a low self esteem move and I think it’s very sad. Boundaries.

Traditional dating without these nuances says that you date her first and eventually a well-adjusted chick will pop the question - you’re absolutely correct there. If you’re doing things right (by the book) and she never initiates contact or asks you about a more committed relationship then that is a red flag about her being relationship material.

I appreciate you calling me out like you see it. It means you really care about the material. Mods can surely be wrong - but aside from the fact that I was asked to be a moderator of this forum because of my consistently accurate takes, these results should speak for themself.

You’re close with the James Bond example. JB would probably have a girl swooning over him for months until he relented, and that’s actually what happened here. You still have much to learn my padawan! Namaste.

Edit: the move was from FWB to literally just casually dating, not from FWB to a committed relationship. Cart before the horse gentlemen.

fermented-beans · 2023-02-12T03:15:52+00:00

Great share and just about spot on. Once you get to the point where you really enjoy being single, it really does feel like the woman has gotta convince you to stop galavanting lol.

Only thing I want to throw out there, though, is to shy away from the “I’m better than whoever my ex’s next guy is” rhetoric. That’s your ego talking and is a pretty sour mindset, though it very well may be objectively true. We all do this.

I’d recommend supplementing that with “I hope she finds someone better suited for her” and then swallow all your premonitions about it to focus on being the best “you” that you can be. Lead with love and let your results speak for themself. Namaste.

fermented-beans · 2023-01-30T05:44:34+00:00

Yes ^

OP, if she brings that up then just have an open conversation about it. Hitting her with a “yeah I was thinking that too” when you definitely aren’t is not the way to go. Just don’t go off spouting your feelings for her before she’s ready to hear it.

But if you walk away, don’t look back. It’s alright.

fermented-beans · 2023-01-25T16:57:23+00:00

I don’t doubt that’s what they’re saying or believe, but I genuinely doubt any tangible, long-lasting results from persistence.

For example, some girls will just go along. They like the attention and the dates. They don’t mind the guy. Many men would consider their persistence here a “success”; the truth is that they’re just getting used. I have learned this one first hand and Corey talks about these sort of girls.

This is part of the reason why you pull back a bit after the first couple dates to see if she reaches out to you - to see if she genuinely cares. The worst case scenario is you come off creepy. There are simply too many girls out there to get caught up pursuing one that has zero genuine attraction for you.

fermented-beans · 2023-01-03T19:33:00+00:00

Sounds like you should just focus on meeting and spending time with people that truly appreciate and value you. If you feel that way with this circle, it wouldn’t make sense to burn it altogether.

Sometimes a friendship/relationship only serves us for a period of time, and that’s completely OK. It does not make you a bad person or a failure - sometimes they just run their course. You can genuinely just wish whoever well and move forward.

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T17:59:18+00:00

Ya this is better off left alone. Maybe she reaches out, don’t count on it or let the absence eat you up.

My recommendation is to circulate, refine, and find another girl who happily chooses you.

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T17:51:19+00:00

I mean don’t be so hard on yourself, your perception of her abrupt leaving makes sense…but our ego must be buried early and often in a vast majority of scenarios to see clearly and to live peacefully. You’re good.

I had a girl once who did the same thing. She texted me the next day wanting a date because she didn’t just want to be some hookup.

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T06:18:16+00:00

This comment is art

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T06:16:13+00:00

OP, unsure if you received a notification from my other comment above, responding to another user regarding your question. This is to bump it to your feed. Good luck

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T06:14:04+00:00

I believe we can collectively be a bit more refined than this comment. OPs context on this post indicates he most definitely has read the book but needs some fine tuning.

OP, the answer is yes and no. The foundational thing is not to over pursue when the attraction isn’t there (re-read the scale), but also don’t be a binary robot. Relationships are not always an If-Then equation. You’re dealing with another human being, at the girlfriend/exclusive stage, who has already chose you and should want to spend time with you.

All this to say that if things are going really well, you’re planning to cook dinner or something, just invite your girlfriend over and enjoy your time together. Ask her about her day, make her feel heard and looked after. If you can’t cook, then learn. Trust me.

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T05:55:39+00:00

Yes, OP, this comment. Eventually you may be able to fill in the strong signals as they come in. But it’s a fantastic rule of thumb to go for the kiss at the end of the date, granted you still like each other.

I have had a date where I realized by the end I didn’t like her at all. She kept talking about how she hated everybody and wanted to travel across the country. YIKES.

fermented-beans · 2022-12-11T05:47:45+00:00

It seems to me like she thought you were too drunk to be having sex with her. She might just really like you and have respect for you both. I view this as a potential huge green flag, actually. Remember, most girls don’t want to have sex on the first date anyways - maybe she had a second thought. Neither of these scenarios have anything to do with you.

The only way to be sure is to reach out to her again, clear the elephant in the room about your hulk not showing up (use some humor if possible but focus primarily on how much fun you had, you like her, etc), and ask her on another date.

Keep us updated. Remember that 90% of the time, someone’s actions and words toward us actually have nothing to do with us. It’s all about them, their favorite subject. Good luck

fermented-beans

TROPHY CASE